Going cold turkey to stop feeding toddler - is it cruel?

[suiledonne]

Because it feels cruel and it's only been an hour

She is 21 months and I've tried to cut down gradually but getting nowhere.

She is feeding more than she did as a much younger baby and biting, pinching etc. I am miserable and don't want to continue.

After an awful day yesterday where she followed me around all day looking for 'mi mi, mi mi' I decided I had enough and fed her through the night when she wanted but as of waking up this morning I said no and tried to distract her.

She was very upset for about half an hour but she's had her breakfast now and is a bit better.

I want to be able to play with her, cuddle her, carry her without it always having to lead to a feed.

My mother (who only fed each of us for a few weeks so doesn't have much experience) says it will be fine, she'll forget qucikly etc but I can't help feeling it will upset her and damage our bond.

I don't have experience but I didn't want to leave you unanswered.

Firstly stop the guilt trip! YOu've bf for 21 months and it's an amazing achievement. Few do this. All I can suggest is very rigid times for bf, e.g. morning first thing/ night. As I said though, no experience. I wish you luck x

Have you been on www.kellymom.com they might have some good advice. There is also a book published by La Leche League called How Weaning Happens, if you have a group near you they might have a copy you could borrow.

It is hard, I stopped feeding my son during the day when he was 18m and still feel a pang that I should feed him when he asks or is very grumpy/upset and I know a quick bf would sort it. If you manage to cut down in the day you might feel a bit less 'touched out' and able to still enjoy mornings and bedtime rather than stopping altogether. Gradual is better for your DD and also easier on your breasts!

Sorry can't be of any more help.

I went cold turkey, OMG the pain! It was worth it though, just make sure you drain some milk off so it's more comfortable as they really do fill up. I stopped when ds was 12 months. I should have cut down rather then just stop, ds was fine though. Just remember to drain some off, less each time.

suiledonne - congrats on getting to 21 months that's a fantastic achievement

On the weaning front - you don't have to wean just because your toddler is fiddling and twiddling though if it's a good time for you to wrap up bfing the fiddling'n'twiddling can be very focusing.

You can impose limits and boundaries on where you nurse, when you nurse, what will happen whilst you nurse, how long for, etc, etc. As your nursling is a toddler you don't have to nurse on demand or put up with unwanted behaviour. As usual Kellymom has some great advice here. Nursing is a two way street and you need to be comfortable whilst nursing as well as your DC.

Why did you have so much trouble when trying to cut down?

I'm only asking because with DD(18 m) it was very easy, it sort of happened naturally, just because she was eating solids very well, so wasn't that hungry for bm, because she was always 'busy' playing etc between the meals, hmmm...don't know...a couple months ago we were down to 3 bf a day plus an occassional middle-of -the night one, now that DP gets up with her in the morning and gives her her breakfast she doesn't ask for the morning bf- so it's bf before a nap and before bedtime.

Why do you think she is so preoccupied with bf? Does she play well by herself etc?

i have just stopped feeding dd1 who is 2.5 although i am still feeding dd2 who is just 1. like you it was really getting me down and i just felt that it was time to stop. i used an event ( dd1 going on holiday with nan) and told her before she went that my milk would not work when she gets back. i thought this was backfiring at first as she seemed to want it more before she went. she did have a few tantrums for the first 2 days but she has accepted it now. this was 3 weeks ago. i also did a reward chart and she got a star every evening before bed and every morning.

have you thought of setting a date to stop. it worked for us

Thanks everyone. She is really surprising me today. She hasn't asked at all since she got over the upset this morning. We went out for a couple of hours this morning and she fell asleep in the car and I moved her into the house asleep when we got home.

She had her nap and when she woke up I gave her something to eat straight away and she hasn't looked for 'mi mi' once. After nap time was usually when she would have a feed and then look to feed several times an hour.

I'll be back to respond properly later. Just a quick update.

I don't want her to see me sitting down or it will give her ideas

How about doing something really special and completely out of routine for the day. So that there is not a point when she would be expecting a bf.

A trip to Granny (leaving here there for an hour), a picnic, a beach day.

And - when it's sleep time - go for a car drive rather than feeding her to sleep.

I went cold turkey on my (much younger) nine month old. Still feel a bit bad about it but we had good reasons. (Biting and laughing!)

However, I much preferred the way I did it with my other one at about 16 months when I just fed her at bedtime, but not if my dh put her to bed.

My cousin had to go and stay at her friends for a few days to finally get her son off the boob! I stopped my 19mo night feeding following him staying with grandma for 2 nights.