why is it deemed acceptable to tell a bfing mum to switch to formula, but never the other way round?!

[kveta]

grr, I'm getting so pissed off just now - DS is 10 months old, and all my mum friends are in the process of weaning off bm and onto formula. babies range in age from 6-12 months, and the mothers are ALL SAHMs who have made the choice to change their method of feeding. I have NEVER told them that they should/shouldn't, or indeed passed any comment on their choices, and think I have been fairly supportive when a couple were crying about stopping bfing (telling them it's not the be all and end all of mothering, and they've done amazingly well so far etc etc).

So why do they (and just about everyone else I meet/know) think it's ok to tell me to stop bfing?

examples:
DS doesn't sleep through the night yet - if anyone asks how he's sleeping and I say 'ha ha, not so great, oh well he'll grow out of it', they will say 'hmm, why don't you stop bfing, mine slept well since going onto formula'

He isn't a great eater of solids, and seems to make up for it by bfing whenever I'm around (I work 5 days a week, but am home by 3). This isn't really a problem - HV has even said he's the absolute picture of health, so just keep doing what suits us. Still, several friends with babies the same age have started seriously cutting back on feeds (one was only feeding her 6 month old DD twice a day so she would eat more solids), and all have told me to stop BFing so he eats more.

DS has bitten me a couple of times when BFing - a few women I know stopped bfing when teeth emerged to avoid being bitten (their choice to do so, am not judging at all - just not my choice), so when they ask if he's ever bitten me and I say yes, but it's no big deal, they recoil in horror and tell me I should give him formula.

Oh, and DS is walking now - so one friend said to me yesterday 'oh well, now he's walking, you have to give him formula, he needs the extra calories and it's not right to breast feed a toddler*, is it? After all, it limits their independence, and they can hold a bottle on their own!'

GAH!! Has anyone else had this shit from people? How do you respond without being astoundingly rude?

*WTF?!
**WTF WTF?!

'My friend commented that it was the fact I was clearly putting such a lot of effort into not using formula made everyone else feel I was judging their decision to stop.'

this sounds incredibly likely to be the reason behind the comments!!

I think the reason people don't tell FFing mums to BF is that you can't generally go back once the milk supply has stopped. Yes you can probably re-lactate if you are willing to put in the effort....maybe but realistically, it's not going to happen. It's like saying 'wow potty training looks very full on, why don't you put him back in nappies' when your child has achieved 90% continence.

But I just think people should just accept that it's their own decision. People told me they felt guilty when they stopped breastfeeding and I continued. But I wasn't judging them, frankly I had enough trouble looking after my own kids without worrying about what they were feeding theirs

You can't win - judging by proxy because you put effort into not using formula??? Brilliant.

Someone had told me I would never manage to get to a year with working and not using formula and I am very stubborn. That was like red rag to a bull.

Yeah, me too. My MIL kept insisting, if we shopped together, on pointing out the best formulas, because 'your milk will dry right up once you go back to work'. When it didn't (I went back at 5 months) it was 'oh, when she's on solids it'll dry right up, better have some formula on hand just in case'. Then we had 'Well, you just wait till she gets mobile' and 'there's a growth spurt around a year, that'll do it'. I did suspect that I made her feel bad for stopping breastfeeding with hers, but it really wasn't her fault, she worked a demanding job with no facilities to express milk. Certainly I'd never said a word!

it's weird, isn't it, because method of feeding is only one very small aspect of parenting. Apart from a couple of acquaintances who have made me feel very crap at mothering because I've gone back to work, and have made pointed comments about women who abandon their offspring as soon as they can, and why do working mums have children in the first place (hence why they aren't friends...), I've not heard this kind of shite regarding working vs not working (i.e. 'I'm so tired with work and a baby' 'well, give up work then!'). Also co-sleeping vs baby in own room from day 1. shoes vs not shoes for walking baby. purees vs BLW. etc etc. and these are just babies! it's only going to get worse as they grow, isn't it? there are so many different choices you make as a parent, aren't there? why is feeding such an emotive one?

Anyway, I suppose I just have to muddle on, and do what I feel is best for my family, and smile sweetly at all the arseholes lovely people with opinions that differ from mine out there!!

"I think the reason people don't tell FFing mums to BF is that you can't generally go back once the milk supply has stopped. Yes you can probably re-lactate if you are willing to put in the effort....maybe but realistically, it's not going to happen."

I dunno, depends how much effort you're willing to put in. Watched "Other People's Breast Milk" on 4OD yesterday (finally!) and a lady who adopted (or had a baby via surrogacy, I can't remember) started pumping 3mo before the baby was due to arrive and managed to breastfeed... despite never having been pregnant. You can watch it here: www.channel4.com/programmes/other-peoples-breast-milk/