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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Eye contact while bf

13 replies

mommynookah · 21/07/2010 18:03

Hello,

I just need a bit of reassurance really that I haven't screwed up the bond with my baby.

I've totally forgotten to make eye contact with my baby during breastfeeds. I think since he didn't make any eye contact at first as a newborn I found stuff to do while he fed - mainly reading MN, watching tv, or I rest my head back with my eyes shut and I've just continued to do this.

Now he's three months I just noticed him glance up at me while feeding, I felt terrible and remembered I should be looking at him the whole time - and should have been for weeks and weeks.

He just looked away again though and now every time he feeds I try to catch his eye and smile etc but he just isn't interested.

Please tell me I won't have screwed up my relationship with him.

He smiles and coos and makes eye contact when changing nappy.

I feel awful that he might have been trying to look into my eyes this whole time and i've just ignored him.

OP posts:

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/07/2010 18:08

He's fine. Promise. You haven't screwed him up. This is a total non-issue and you clearly love him very much.

Is this your first baby?

Are you ok?

Morloth · 21/07/2010 18:08

It is fine. At least 80% of the time DS2 (16 weeks) has his eyes closed anyway.

As much as I like the idea of staring lovingly at them for the whole time they are feeding it does get a bit boring after a while.

DS1 seems spectacularly un-damaged by my neglect.

duplotogo · 21/07/2010 18:17

DS used to like looking at me whilst bf, DD not. It doesn't seem to have made any difference!

Original poster

mommynookah · 21/07/2010 18:19

Littlepurpleprincess thank you, I'm feeling much better for reading your post! He is my first baby and I just want him to feel safe and secure and loved - my heart sank when I realised what I should have been doing.

Morloth it's reassuring that he might have his eyes shut and be looking away anyway, and that it isn't a reaction to me forgetting to look at him.

I am going to try and make eye contact at each feed from now on, just to be on the safe side

OP posts:

passionberry · 21/07/2010 18:23

Good grief!! I didn't even realise that I was supposed to be making eye contact!

DD is three months and I have noticed that she has started to look up at me while I breastfeed but It's a bit annoying as when she smiles she lets go of my boob!

Surely there is loads of eye contact the rest of the time? BF-ing is the only chance I get to to mumsnet etc!

Littlepurpleprincess · 21/07/2010 18:25

There are very few 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' with parenting, they don't have an instruction book.

I was a total OTT, nuerotic worrier with DS, and still am a little but it gets better. You can't worry over every little thing because - and I'm not trying to scare you here - if your this upset now, think how you will feel the first time he scrapes his knees, gets ill, first trip to A&E (always memorable). You will lose your sanity if you don't maintain some perspective.

DS fell asleep within the first 2 mins of every bloody feed for the first 3 months.

tiktok · 21/07/2010 18:26

Who have you been talking to and what have you been reading to make you so worried???

Eye contact just happens when bf - you don't need to make an effort to ensure it. You certainly don't need to make a point of looking at him all the time. You look at him without even thinking about it - without you realising it. You pick him up and you attach him, and you talk to him when you are doing it, and before you do it, and when he takes a break or you rub his back (or whatever) you'll be looking and he'll be looking and sometimes you look at each other and sometimes you don't!

Everyone does other things when bf - that's one of the great things about it.

Everything you say makes it 100 per cent clear you love him and respond to him and want to keep him safe - he knows this, and he doesn't need you to look at him all the time to know this.

Original poster

mommynookah · 21/07/2010 18:57

thanks everyone - I really do need to stop worrying so much

OP posts:

cupofcoffee · 21/07/2010 19:01

I have to say that I sometimes try to avoid eye contact with my baby while she is feeding. If she sees me looking at her she starts smiling and gets distracted then milk sprays everywhere

Morloth · 21/07/2010 19:02

Ah yes the first A&E visit, it is when they start suggesting frequent flyer miles you know you have to worry...

sheeplikessleep · 21/07/2010 19:27

He's probably only just starting to look properly at you anyway, in that interested sort of way.
DS1 and DS2 didn't look at me for ages. Most recently, DS2 started properly looking up between 3-4 months I'd say (now at 4 months, he wants to keep coming off to look around - agh!). Do not worry at all, but do enjoy those breastfeeding smiles, they are the best.

StarExpat · 21/07/2010 19:38

I have to admit that I worried Biit exactly the same thing... But was afraid to ask for advice (I needed loads more bf advice anyway). When I realises that I'd be mning or resting or reading... Etc around 8 weeks I did what you describe and made sure to make eye contact every time. I too thought oh no, what if he was trying to get my attention all this time?? Tiktok is right! You do it anyway, without knowing it. Ds is now 21 months and we are very well bonded please don't worry over this - but I wanted to let you know that I remember being there and having those thoughts an it will be fine. More than fine x

StarExpat · 21/07/2010 19:41

About not blit
And realised
Ugh. Stupid iPhone
And fat fingers
Also - you noticed him looking up at you - so that proves that you do look at him. If he had been trying to look at your eyes before, you would have known

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