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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Why does breastfeeding make you into a guilt ridden mess?

28 replies

turtle23 · 21/07/2010 08:32

I know it is all part of parenting. My DS2 is 8 months and weighs 23 pounds. He is massive. Yet I am beside myself convinced that he is not getting enough milk. How is that possible?
He is waking up a lot drier over the last few days and I KNOW it must be because it has been so hot. He has had small feeds all night and I offered him water as well...surely he would drink if he was thirsty? He isn't eating a huge amount of solids so he MUST be getting quite a lot of milk.

When are they going to invent a guage you can install on your boobs? I do not expect a reply to this post. Just feel as though I am losing the plot.

OP posts:

ThatDamnDog · 21/07/2010 08:38

He's 8 months old. Thanks to your boobs he's a whopper. He's fine.

Trust your boobs, they've been doing this job for 8 months/millions of years, depending on how you look at it.

dinkystinky · 21/07/2010 08:49

Isnt breastfeeding -its parenthood that makes you into a guilty mess. And that's in part thanks to lack of sleep, having to deal with new situations all the time etc.

Its really hot at the moment - he'll want lots of short cooling drinks instead of mammoth feeds and be off solids abit as its too damn hot, so just keep doing what you're doing and try to breathe and relax. He - and you - will both be fine.

MrsBadger · 21/07/2010 08:55

dinky is right - not bfing makes you a guiltridden mess too...

Morloth · 21/07/2010 09:19

Because you have had your head fucked with for years and years and years and had lots of little messages/whispers telling you that your body isn't good enough, you need to buy something to give him.

You don't. You are most excellent in fact.

jemjabella · 21/07/2010 10:06

Spot on, what Morloth said.

MoonFaceMama · 21/07/2010 10:12

Morloth that is a wonderfully insightfull post. I love it.

turtle i understand how you feel, but think the posters above are all spot on.

AngelDog · 21/07/2010 12:25

Morloth - absolutely right.

turtle, it's so easy to doubt, isn't it? But I always think that a guage on your breasts would be of no help - it would say how much your baby was getting, but wouldn't tell you how much they actually need. How much I want to eat & drink (and how often) varies from day to day, and is often very different from how much another person would want to eat or drink. Babies are just the same IMO.

As long as you're offering solids and not preventing him feeding when he wants to, he will be absolutely fine. Really.

You're doing a grand job. Give yourself a big pat on the back and keep going!

chocolatebourbon · 22/07/2010 09:14

A huge thank you to all posters. I am feeling just the same about my seven month old and this thread has made me feel a million times better - going to print it out and tape it to the fridge.

harverina · 22/07/2010 09:57

I think that every mother who breastfeeds worries about their baby getting enough and what morloth says is right...people plant so many seeds of doubt that you start to question yourself...I constantly get people asking "how do you know if she is getting enough?", "when will you know when she isnt getting enough?( as if its inevitable that a breastfeeding mum wont be able to give her baby enough)", "She feeds all the time, do you think you need to start solids (11 weeks old)".

No wonder we doubt ourselves! I've had periods where I have wanted to weigh my DD every day to prove to myself that she is getting enough!

Like you, I know she is, but still worry.

Your baby is big, he sounds like he is feeding well. As long as he is still producing wet nappies he will be absolutely fine.

harverina · 22/07/2010 10:00

I think that every mother who breastfeeds worries about their baby getting enough and what morloth says is right...people plant so many seeds of doubt that you start to question yourself...I constantly get people asking "how do you know if she is getting enough?", "when will you know when she isnt getting enough?", "She feeds all the time, do you think you need to start solids (11 weeks old)".

No wonder we doubt ourselves! I've had periods where I have wanted to weigh my DD every day to prove to myself that she is getting enough!

Like you, I know she is, but still worry.

Your baby is big, he sounds like he is feeding well. As long as he is still producing wet nappies he will be absolutely fine.

Original poster

turtle23 · 22/07/2010 10:09

THAT is my problem. He is much drier than usual. ut he isteething, coldy and it's bloody hot...

OP posts:

jemjabella · 23/07/2010 10:45

Are you using disposable nappies? I recently switched to cloth and discovered that my LO wees more than I thought; it's scary/amazing how much 'sposies soak up!

moaningminniewhingesagain · 23/07/2010 10:53

Slightly less wet nappies at night I noticed as they got bigger too - I put it down to taking more of their daily milk in the day, and not overnight.

Just what we want at 8 months ish. I can tell when DS has had more milk overnight when his nappy is a lot wetter - still not cracked sleeping through here (19m)

Careful · 23/07/2010 10:59

It's easy to panic, isn't it?

Agree with what Morloth said. My MIL told me the other day that DD is too skinny (25th centile so not huge but healthy enough weight) and my milk must be 'semi skimmed rather than full fat' .

Also DH's stock answer whenever she's crying or unsettled is always 'do you think she's hungry? Should we try a bottle?'. It drives me mad.

Original poster

turtle23 · 23/07/2010 13:37

He has fed like mad today...am guessing the tooth that just broke was stopping him taking much. He really was verrrrrry dry when he woke up this morning. If he hadn't fed I'd have considered going to GP. Sigh.

btw...the thought of formula had never entered my mind. Just was trying to work out more ways of feeding more with hyperactive toddler to take care of!

OP posts:

mollycuddles · 23/07/2010 14:27

I'm onto my third and a lot older and wiser. I don't doubt at all and ttfo anyone who makes any comment at all. Working at not feeling guilty about other aspects of parenting too - all the evidence is we just need to be good enough not perfect.

angfirsttimer · 23/07/2010 21:44

thank you for this thread, I have an 18lb baby at 4.5 months and also worry whether he is getting enough food, clearly the very chubby thighs/arms are not enough to convince me!!

ThatDamnDog · 23/07/2010 22:30

It really upsets me to hear how much doubt mums have about the wellbeing of their breastfed babies, despite the babies in question obviously thriving. Until very, very recently breastmilk was the only option and the human race has managed fine! All around us in the animal kingdom are examples of mammals demand feeding their offspring without a thought, without any scales, centiles or health visitors, and without ill effect. We're excellent at making milk. Our babies are excellent at using it to stay healthy and grow. Believe it!

harverina · 24/07/2010 11:37

Sorry if it seems i'm taking over this thread but wanted your opinion on night time feed. My dd is 16 weeks old and exclusively bf. Up until two weeks ago she was going to bed no later than 8pm and slept for up to ten hours. This past fortnight my dd has been up much later and feeds on and off for 4 hours. She is clearly frustrated and I think my milk is just so slow at night that its taking her hours to fill up? My dp thinks I should consider a formula feed to avoid this but its really upsetting me. I was in tears last night when we were discussing it. My hope is to breastfeed until my dd is 12 months old. Can I ask what your thoughts and opinions are on this? I have been trying to express to top up the night feed. Some nights this works, other nights It doesnt. Last night she took 2.5oz from a bottle plus was breastfed and was in bed at 8pm and slept till 6am. However the night before she was breastfed and also was topped up with 6.5oz breastmilk and it wasn't enough! I feel so guilty at the thought of formula and its making me really upset. Expressing as I write this.

Morloth · 24/07/2010 11:43

haverina DS2 did exactly the same thing last week - he was 16 weeks, he is back to "normal" this week.

I know it is hard, but try to ditch the expressing and just let her feed even at night, I think it is a combination growth spurt and then upping the milk order.

If you want to continue BFing I think a formula bottle would be a bit of a disaster because your body wouldn't get the feedback to tell it to increase/change the milk.

harverina · 24/07/2010 11:53

Morloth thanks for replying so quickly. I will keep going with the night feeds for now. Want to avoid formula for as long as possible, or at all, tbh. My dh says I've built it up in my mind to be a horrific thing if I had to use formula. He is right! I thought it was a growth spurt but its prob being going on for nearly 3 weeks now so think she is probably just hungrier as she gets bigger.

Morloth · 24/07/2010 11:58

Formula isn't a horrific thing but there is a quiet pride to be had I think in just your body making your baby. It blows my mind when I look at DS2 (and formerly DS1) and think he is made up totally of me (well and the teeniest smidgeon of DH ).

I know that is how I feel about it anyway.

Your body can do it, it can be much much harder than giving a bottle but it is perfectly possible, don't doubt yourself.

jemjabella · 24/07/2010 16:49

4 months is a common time for sleep regression, and combined with a big growth spurt it can be difficult. Supplementing with formula has the potential to damage the breastfeeding relationship (esp.) during growth spurt times.

Stop expressing - pumping will NEVER be as efficient as feeding from source - and just feed feed feed.

harverina · 24/07/2010 22:34

Hi thanks for your advice. I haven't stopped pumping as it seems to have helped giving my dd a top up of expressed milk last night and tonight. Have fed her as normal after my dh gave her an expressed bottle. She seemed much fuller and more settled and has been in bed both nights around 8pm. She slept till 6am this morning too! We went to baby massage for the first time yesterday and I massaged her again tonight before her bath and think that this has helped too. She really seems to enjoy being massaged. Thanks again for the advice. I'm glad I haven't used formula, feeling much better about things tonight.

Morloth · 25/07/2010 09:50

harverina "She really seems to enjoy being massaged."

Me too!

Glad things are easing up, they like to keep us on our toes these little munchkins.

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