When do older children stop bf?

[nesomja]

My son was 2 last week. We are still bfing - when I am with him (I work part time) sometimes 3 or 4 times a day, and at least once during the night (we co-sleep so it's not much of a problem). A few months ago I started to feel I had had enough so gently started to try and distract him when he asked instead of feeding him on demand. He became very whingey, asked all the time, seemed really unhappy and we were all rather tense! After 2 weeks I decided to stop trying to stop and his mood immediately improved. Since then we have just carried on. However, I can't imagine how he is ever going to stop! He loves bfing, asks for it whenever he is feeling a bit insecure, and sometimes will feed for hours at night. He is not a big eater and I know that the amount of milk he is getting affects that.
In some ways I'm not worried as I still enjoy it. But the HV said last time I saw her that I should ask myself if I was doing it for me or for him, and I now know no one else who is still bfing. My MIL is deeply shocked! For those of you who have bf older children, did you decide when to stop or did they? And when, and how?

My son's nearly 2 and he's cut down to a couple of feeds a week. My oldest child stopped of his own accord at 12m. TOtally up to them.

Your HV is barmy. The old "it's all about the mother" chestnut, it's so annoying. Try making a child bf who doesn't want to!

If you're happy, and DS is happy, it's all good!

ds is 3y3m & still going strong...no idea i'm afraid!

It sounds like he really loves it, it is good for him and if you don't mind I can't think of a single reason for you to stop.

Your HV is a loony for saying that, read your post back - who is it exactly who wants to continue here?

DS2 is 3y1m DD is 16m. Both going strong and definitely not for my benefit.

Hi Nesomja, my DS is 2.4 and still bf and I often ask myself the same question. I've searched on here before for information on how it happened for others but have never found much. He still feeds to sleep, during the night at least once and the longest one when he wakes up. On the up side he no longer feeds during the day, he just stopped asking. But for me the feeding to sleep is the one that concerns me most as any time I have even vaguely suggested he goes to sleep some other way he becomes very distressed. I just cannot imagine how some day it will change, though everyone assures me that it somehow will.

FWIW I don't tell my HV that I am still bf, saves any unhelpful comments. Or my MIL for that matter!

OP - WRT eating (or not) I have kknown people who have stopped/cut down on BM in the hope that their DC would eat more and it hasn't worked so he might take lots of BM because he's not a big eater rather than having lots of BM being the reason he's not a big eater. Sorry if that isn't very clear.

Why is it if you carry on breastfeeding and you say you are happy about it, people mutter darkly about how it is "just for her own benefit", but if you are fed up of it and want to stop, people can't wait to pile in with advice on how to get a reluctant child to take a bottle, cow's milk, etc?

Why is it okay to stop just because you want to, but not okay to carry on because you want to? (And it's never as clear cut as that anyway - as livethedream says if he didn't want to do it, he wouldn't.)

(Also for the record I think you should be able to stop whenever you want whether that's at 6 weeks or 6 years, just wondering why the double standards)

Also, I doubt the amount of milk he is drinking is affecting his food. DS will feed loads and then have a massive dinner. (And he's not a big eater usually so if the milk filled him up his tummy would have been really full) At other times he will eat barely anything, feed all night and suddenly sit up at 3am as if to say "I'm getting nowhere here, Mum" and demand breakfast! More anecdotal evidence, but my friend's DS is a similar small eater and self-weaned at 11 months when she became pregnant. After self-weaning he refused all kinds of milk offered except a small bottle of goat's milk in the mornings, and still eats next to nothing.

Don't worry As long as you make food available to him, most babies and children will take that they need.

Oldie, I'm glad it's not just me! However, we have made some progress just this week on the feeding to sleep thing. I just decided that I didn't want to feed to sleep anymore and that I was prepared to sit it out. I explained this to ds, we lay down together, bf, read some books, and then I said 'right, now I'm going to sit over here and you can lie down and go to sleep'. He was upset but I just kept repeating it and sat calmly. He came over, had a bit more bm, then went back again to the bed. The first night it took about 55 minutes of jumping up and down, coming to have a bit of bm, and eventually I bribed him with a sticker and a story to lie down and he went to sleep. Now, a week later, we have repeated this every night and he doesn't seem to be able to feed to sleep anymore! (now, I have to sit in the same place and tell the 3 bears repeatedly but at least it's not feeding to sleep...)
Bertie, thank you for that point, you are absolutely right! I know loads of people who decided to stop because they wanted to and no one criticises!

I wouldn't choose to tell people about it but he comes over, pulls my top down and says 'mummy's milk' loudly whenever someone who might disapprove is around .

Nesomja, yes I did realise that it was easy for me to say "don't tell anyone" when my DS doesn't ask for daytime feeds any more. Also he is not very vocal so doesn't actually let on to anyone himself

Good news on the feeding to sleep, well done! I would need have to have much more resolve than I have at the moment to see something like that through. Maybe I should brush up on the story of the 3 bears in preparation