Guilty and depressed from stopping breastfeeding

[Tinaland]

I have had to stop breastfeeding my 3 week old DS - cracked nipples, mastitis, thrush. Had LOADS of support and counselling but he was just too difficult to latch on correctly more than 50% of the time. (( I have ended up with nipples that are constantly sore.

Ended up with our lives being completely dominated by talking about feeding with me dreading him waking up and feeding time, and 2 VERY stressed parents.

So after 3 weeks have made the decision to switch to formula which is breaking my heart, partly because I so enjoyed the 'good' feeds (ie when it didn't hurt) and partly as I want to give him the best start. Felt some relief to have made the decision initially and am now down to 2 bfs a day.

Have been unable to express, but can manage a bit now. Don't know whether to try and continue with a bit of ebm as well as formula, or just stick to the formula decision and try and regain our lives and have happy parents for our DS.

How have other people got over being unable to bf? My mind is completely dominated by it, so I can't really sleep and I keep crying (( Please share.

This is just my opinion and you will get support here if you want to keep going but...

...you have given him the best start already, the best bits of your milk are in the first week. If you stress too much about this it will grind you down - Relax now and enjoy him.....

Have you been in touch with one of the BF advice groups? They have trained counsellors who will talk you through your options AND your feelings. Loads of people have to give up BF reluctantly, you won't be the first.

Don't listen to people who say it is not the most importany parenting decision you will make, you can't tell the difference between FF/BF fed babies in 10 years etc. It IS a big decision and it can be heartbreaking, even if it might be the most sensible or the only decision you can make. You are entitled to feel heartbroken.

Please, please don't feel guilty - this is a real problem with all the 'breast is best' information today - no mother should be made to feel guilty if she can't breastfeed.

When I had my DS (emergency CS/born with a serious health problem) - I found it really hard to breast feed - my DH had to literally shout at the staff to get some formula as they were so totally 'breast friendly' or whatever the expression is - I later found out that it can be v. difficult to breast feed after an ECS and the news of the health problem - no one bothered to explain it to me.

The most important thing is for your DS to have loving and happy parents - not to be crying and stressed out over breast feeding.

Sorry, I dpn't know where I thought you said you felt heartbroken. But you know what I mean, I hope.

Hire an electric breast pump. Keep expressing and top up with formula. Your nipples will heal and toughen up and your milk supply will keep going and you'll be able to feed him again yourself if that's what you want to do.
I had terrible problems at first, DS didn't latch on, my milk didn't get started and he lost way over 10% of his birthweight, I had mastitus, cracked nipple, but luckily not the thrush. I cried constantly and DH got so stressed he begged me to give up. Fortunately I had great support from the HV in our area. I fed as much as I could, then DH topped up with formula (finger-feeding) whilst I expressed with an electric breastpump they hired in for me. Although believe you me, expressing for 30 mins at 4am is no joke and I cried all through this as well.
After a day or so I was expressing enough milk that DH topped up with that instead of formula and it well, all settled down. DS is almost 5 months and I'm still BF.

That said, if you do stop, don't feel guilty. You've already fed him 3 weeks and if I remember correctly that's the most important time and when the most antibodies etc are passed on. And neither is formula the work of the devil as some of the BF brigade try to make out! There is far more to being a good mother than what he drinks. Your baby will still thrive on a bottle. I did - BF wasn't the thing to do in the 70's and mothers were given bottles of milk even on the maternity wards.

You are going through hell now - I remember, but honestly, it does get better. Even by next week.

You could try nipple shields? They were an absolute Godsend for me and the one thing that kept me bfing.
Have you tried a silverette for healing?
Although you felt some relief initially it sounds like you are still upset over the giving up of the 'good feeds' so might be worth trying these couple of things.
Also, you could mix feed for a while until your nipples are better, or keep mix feeding/expressing if you want to.
Good luck and please don't feel bad, you have obviously tried really hard with this and it is crystal clear you are a lovely mum who just wants her ds, dh and herself to enjoy being a new little family

Do what you think is right for you and your baby. If you want to carry on bfing or using ebm, even if its just one feed a day then do so.

If you want to exclusively ff then do that.

Its a decision that only you can make but please don't feel guilty about it.

Nobody can say that you haven't given bfing your best shot.

Whatever you do, please don't let guilt overshadow the enjoyment of your lovely little LO. They are babies for such a short time.

Please please please do not let guilt overshadow your decision to mix feed your baby. You are doing a fantastic job as a parent, well done, please do not beat yourself up about it.

As Ineedsomesleep says, if you decide to exclusively ff then do that. And if you want to give your LO some breastmilk, you will be able to get advice on here on how to do it. And two bfs a day is a good place to start from, gradually growing it if you wish. Mixed feeding is very very common- much more common than the books would lead you to think.

My reluctant decision to stop bf and then to mix feed got me into a total pickle. I cried for months, no exaggeration, months. I was so bonkers that I thought that formula was poison. This was the beginning of PND for me. Please don't let it be for you. There are hundreds and hundreds of things which contribute to the way that you parent your child, and bf is only one of them. It will seem all-consuming now, but really, in the great scheme of things, your sanity is much more important. Now I have a bit of perspective, what with it all being two years ago and all, please don't ruin these precious precious months beating yourself up like I did.

I was the same last week, and we had decided to give a few formula bottles, i was so upset and really didnt know what do to, however.... the nipples are better and so is the latch and after alot of talks with all my support have now decided to try and up my BF again (was also down to 2-3 a day) DD is 4 weeks.

My supply is slowly getting better, and FF getting less, were all more relaxed and cant wait to be ebf again

My point being that if you hang in there (but try not to give yourself too much of a hard time) things will get better.. but dont feel guilty, all you can do is your best and enjoy DS

Dont feel guilty. You have done your best and every day you managed is more than most babies get. Doing your 'best' is also about protecting your mental health to allow you to be a good mother to your baby.

Tinaland, I could have written your post 5 months ago. I tried so hard to bf but the more I tried, the more stressed DS and I became. I used all of the support out there (La Leche, local breastfeeding clinics, lactation consultant, family and friends who successfully bf...) and it just got worse.

When I eventually made the difficult decision to switch to formula everything improved overnight and we settled into a very comfortable rhythm for the first time. I was able to drop the guilt because I could see how much more settled my baby was. He has never had so much as a cold and is a perfectly happy and healthy baby.

So please don't feel guilty. You are a great mother and it's clear from what you have written that you will always aim to do what is best for your baby. Best wishes to you.

Thanks everyone. It really helps to know I am not alone. x

Ladies who are feeling alone/guilty - try heading to fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com/ every Friday there is a blog post from someone who tells their formula feeding story.