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Tumour diagnosis - should we tell our kids?

8 replies

Lillyrat · 23/10/2022 12:10

I was 40 when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. My youngest son was 6 and my two stepsons teenagers. My biggest worry as I was walking out of the hospital was about telling my family. ‘What do I tell them?’ Hit me like a sickening punch in the stomach. This was closely followed by the questions of Should I tell them? Then, how on Earth do I begin to tell them? I spent almost an hour sitting in the hospital carpark trying to decide how to act when I got home and whether to say anything. There is so little support out there for talking to young children. I think it may be because no one ever wants to really think about having to do that, but when you are faced with that decision, it’s huge.
Added to that is the complication that kids are far more switched on to our emotions than we often give them credit for, or may hear snippets of hushed conversations. They can often sense when something is wrong or when we are hiding something. I know I am terrible at hiding things so was worried sensing I was hiding something would make things worse. For these reasons, I decided I was going to have to tell my boys something, but I didn’t tell them straight away. I've since written short book called Mummy has a lump, so that if mums want to explain to their children, there is a book they can use to help.

Tumour diagnosis - should we tell our kids?
OP posts:
Solosunrise · 23/10/2022 12:15

I've just downloaded it on kindle. Thank you for writing this book. We had to deal with this in our family some years ago, and there was nothing.
Best wishes to you and your family ♥

Lillyrat · 23/10/2022 15:38

Thank you so much for your lovely feedback.

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Solosunrise · 30/10/2022 13:22

I've just read your little book @Lillyrat It's absolutely gorgeous 💕

Lillyrat · 30/10/2022 17:10

Thank you so much for your kind words. A book I don’t want people to need, but if like me, they do want something I hope it can help just a little.

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Footle · 17/11/2022 09:26

A wonderful thing to have done.

JesusWeptLady · 24/12/2022 03:57

I have 4 tumours in my brain, 3 are benign and one is atypical, they're meningiomas and as I say, 3 are fairly inconsequential for the time being and the 4th is in a tricky place and a bit more problematic.. I was diagnosed mid 2018 when my 2 children were 9 & 10 and it took me two years before I could let them know what was happening. I aim for "normal life" as much as possible. I haven't read your book, but may look at it another time. I think it's wonderful you thought of helping others in this situation, rather than just yourself.

Lillyrat · 24/12/2022 09:32

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about your tumours. I wish you all the very best and agree- I try to be as normal as possible with my kids, partly for me and partly to teach them that your outlook on things can have a significant impact on coping too.

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Timeforabiscuit · 24/12/2022 09:41

Dh was diagnosed with stage 4 glioblastoma last year, and you're right there is shockingly little support out there for children.

Our mcmillan nurse practitioner did put us in touch with a charity providing family therapy, but that was really only for parents, nothing for kids (early secondary).

Their school has been brilliant, BUT, the kids know how to smell BS, and they got very tired of the head tilt and are you OKs, when they just wanted to have a bit of normality.

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