What was private/boarding school like?

[lloyd64]

If you went to private or boarding school, ehat was your experience like? Were there any strict rules? What was your boarding experience? Boarding routine? What was the class size?

Horrendous. Think bunch of messed up kids and no adult role models.
children’s home for rich kids.

I don’t know if OP is a journalist/researcher, but boarding schools are nothing like they were in the past.

Any answers you get here will be from people who by definition were at boarding school several decades ago so their experience has no bearing on current expectations. So it’s absolutely not helpful if I say that at my early 1980’s boarding school we were only allowed 3 baths a week and one hairwash on a Saturday morning, food was terrible and we could only call home if we had coins for the pay phone.

Sixth form weekly boarder. Adored it. Very different to those who boarded from age seven!

I was a Day pupil at a Boarding School and from what I saw it was awful and I know many many people fucked up by their experiences.

I’m sure they are, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s parents sending their kids away from the family home

(sixthform arguably different as the pupil will be exercising their own choice)

Agree @Theonlywayicanloveyou. Boarding schools might be lovely places with excellent staff and wonderful facilities. But it is unnatural for children to be spending such a large proportion of their time being raised by paid staff. I know some say it’s unavoidable for some families (forces etc) and maybe that’s true, but I still don’t think it’s a great thing for most children.

Wonderful. Best days of my life.

DH says "it was normal" as it's the only thing he knew back then. Nothing to compare to if you see what I mean.

Academically he says it was great - small class sizes, true subject specialists (teachers that were published authors and internationally respected experts in their field). For context his school was one of the top in the country at a time, routinely sending half the class to Oxbridge. He also thinks the structure and hours of sport a day is very good for teenage boys.

Having heard many anecdotes and met his school friends, I'm amazed he's turned out relatively well-adjusted, and is free of substance abuse / addiction.

I was at boarding school late 70s/early 80s. On balance, it was great, but I bet schools are very different nowadays.

Academic standards were high, with excellent teachers and small class sizes, and it very much instilled a work ethic and routine, because you were surrounded by your classmates 24/7. I got into Oxford as a result of the teaching standards.

Boarding routine - we were all in houses with mixed age groups in each one, with a housemistress to supervise. Dorms to start, then rooms for 2, then your own room in some cases. Tight structure around routines and tasks in each house, but in general it was like a giant sleepover - so much bonding.

Very heirarchical....every year knew their place, older children bossed around the younger ones, but also took care of a lot of the pastoral needs too. Minimal bullying, in my particular school, and it was dealt with mainly by peers. Awards and privileges earned as you moved up the school (or taken away for bad behaviour).

Strict environment - silence in the corridors, stand up when teacher enters the room.....

Food was pretty beige, to be fair. Lots of stodge. Snacks would be bread and jam, that sort of thing! Not unusual in the 80s.

Boarding school taught me a lot about resilience, being able to get along with other people in close proximity, and independence from parents. How to conform and obey rules (sorely lacking when I arrived, fresh out of a sink comprehensive school), and how to be confident.

It doesn't suit everyone, but it worked for me. I didn't really miss my parents (had a bad relationship with stepdad at the time so I was happier out of his way).

My experience of private school is 40 years out of date. I don't know about boarding as I never did it (the school stopped offering boarding about 15 years ago, later merged with another private school and is a day school only now).

Late 80s, early 90s. Had an amazing time. Small classes (15-20, reducing to <10 in 6th form), single person rooms, all girls, high academic outcomes. No bullying. Not particularly strict and it got gradually more lax as you went up the years. Freedom to go out every weekend, get the train to London and stay over or other more local towns. I was from a normal middle class family, my grandparents paid my fees, definitely didn't feel out of place. I had offers from 3 schools (1 day, 1 weekly, 1 full board), they gave me final choice, i chose to full board about 1.5 hours from home. Definitely not a 'children's home for rich kids'.

Both my own kids could have boarded at their secondary schools. I would have no concerns if either chose to based on my experience.

That wasn’t what the OP was asking about. The OP is asking about routine/how strict it is, and is asking those questions of those who’ve attended. Those who attended, say, 15-20 years ago will have had a very different experience from those attending today.

Left recently from Oundle (Mid - 2010s).

Don't take this as the brush to paint all schools obvi but it was fun, dynamic, free and in ways more stimulating and fun than being at a day school, helped massively by being in a town we were given free rein in from 13. I couldn't believe my luck. Houses were wlle run and we ate as houses so just felt like a big sort of "club" within the school who were your tribe. I lived less than 30 mins away so I wasn't far away from home, which consciously and subconsciously helped but loved boarding. Saw parents most weeks if just for 10 mins to grab something but never nights away unless holiday/exeat. I like having an international friend network.

Would have zero qualms sending my child to boarding school again if it had the same set-up as Oundle and ability to see parents. I think post 1990 schools have changed dramatically and the horror stories you associate with them have gone through a massively different pastoral approach.

And in terms of strictness, my experience was the reins were loose if you understood there was a mutual respect and trust and implied contract of doing well and not messing around, this approach worked on the whole. I appreciate being trusted, some schools have strict access to their towns which sounded worse.

I have been to both state and private schools.

You can cancel out things like lack of safeguarding and concern for MH etc from both sides of the equation as in the 1990s that was the norm in all schools.

Also, I saw the impact of really bad parenting in both state and private. Being financially better off doesn’t make you a good or bad parent. There are neglected/spoiled/indulged children in every echelon of society. However - very generally speaking - the fee paying parents tended to be concerned about whether they were getting value for money, and that manifested itself in different expectations about academic effort and behaviour.

In terms of student experience - class sizes were much smaller for GCSE but roughly the same for A level (about 12-15 was quite normal). The biggest difference IMHO was not fancy buildings but the much longer school days in private schools, with more compulsory sport and doing homework at school which is far better than taking it home. If there were a way of making longer school days happen in state schools that the teaching unions would tolerate then it would be transformational for most children and families.

I had an amazing time. Absolutely loved every minute of it.

Boarding school late 70’s early 80’s. Loved it. Food just normal school food. Loads of friends to play with, village boys to play with when we were in the upper school 🙈🙈. Our school year are still close now. We are all still in touch and have a reunion once a year and even classmates who live on the other side of the world still try to make the reunion.

There are loads of threads about boarding school on MN if you’re generally interested in “what was it like?”. I’d start there if you’re researching for a story.