My son didn’t get through his first choice. To gain some perspective, I asked several parents about their own experiences growing up — specifically their personal experiences of not getting into their first-choice school and how it affected them later.
Their stories were varied:
One person said that when they didn’t pass their first-choice school, their mother cried, and they felt like they had done something terribly wrong. It stayed with them and affected their confidence for years.
Another said their father reacted very lightly, saying, “Well, now you can go to a state school and enjoy yourself!” That reaction made them feel that it wasn’t a disaster, and they grew up feeling secure.
Another told me about their sister who was incredibly competitive and assumed she would get into the top girls’ school. She failed, but that failure motivated her — she worked extremely hard in middle and high school and later went to a top university.
One person said they didn’t get into either their middle school or high school of choice, but eventually got into the university they wanted. That early disappointment made them realise they had to work hard. Interestingly, their brother, who passed every entrance exam easily, now expects things to go his way without effort — and they worry more about him.
Another person said they didn’t get into their middle school of choice and had to go to the local school. At that age, they didn’t really get to choose whether to take exams for private school or not — parents decide, and children simply go along. After failing, they felt exhausted and lost confidence, didn’t study much afterward, applied to 10 universities, and just went to whichever accepted them. Looking back, they feel they gave up too early because that first failure hit them so hard.
So it really depends on the kid, but how parent reacts also matters...