Weekly boarding or day option at boarding school

[Schoolchoice23]

We have found what seems to be the ideal school option for my sporty, adhd middle of the road academic son. This is for year 9 and he would be nearly 14. It’s progressive and focussed on business skills and less academic. The challenge is it would require weekly boarding as it is too far from where we live. We had never considered it before but the gut feeling of the school felt right and school even has an ADHD support system in place. The other option we are considering is being a day boy at a different boarding school near home which is more academic and traditional but obviously means he could be at home but concerned it will be too much academically and he could lose his confidence. For boarding option we were concerned about missing out on the day to day and things like vaping (which we hear is something common at boarding schools). Son is open to boarding but this will be in 3 year’s time but have to apply now for the year 9 place. Costs aside, what would you do?

What’s his current situation - is he at a prep that regularly sends pupils to public schools (ie traditional boarding schools) or is this something completely outside his experience? Obviously easier if the former.

It’s excellent that he’s happy with the idea. If it’s not something you’re all used to, what’s he like? Does he happily go on overnight school trips; spend weekends with relatives without you; go on sleepovers with friends? Is he confident, independent in thought, gregarious, resilient? Other things like becoming self reliant and able to use his voice are likely to develop over time - and boys change a lot in those three years - but you’ll know the sort of boy he’s growing into.

If you’re offered a place at the weekly boarding school I’d be inclined to accept it, as it seems to meet all your requirements, and see how he develops. You have nothing to lose but your deposit.

Do you have longer to accept the day place? (My only caution with that option, beyond what you’ve said, is that day pupils at boarding schools quite often decide they’d prefer to board so as not to be separated from their friends.)

IME day pupils end up boarding as soon as they can, finances and space permitting.

If you think it is the right school and your son is up for boarding, then I would suggest that you go for it. You could apply to both and hold the offers and see how he feels closer to the time. So long as you give whichever school you do not pick at least a term's notice that you do not intend to join, then the desposit you would lose may not be eye-watering.

By weekly boarding do you mean school offers weekly boarding as a defined option, or he would be a full-boarder who comes home every weekend? The latter is more expensive but also more flexible. In either case remember that if your son is sporty he will probably be picked for matches, which means being at school until 5pm most Saturdays and then being back on Sunday evening unless you can get him back very early on a Monday. So it is unlikely to be a full weekend at home unless school does not have Saturday lessons and he is happy not to be included in Saturday matches (which are a massive part of school life).

I think that by 13 or 14 most boys who want to board are able to handle it and benefit from it, especially if they get to go home every week and spend a bit of time with the family dog and have a home cooked meal. In my own experience most weekly boarders in time want to become full boarders at least some weeks, much to their parents' dismay.

I would rather have weekly boarding than day pupil at a traditional full boarding school. The days are long and with weekend school is there much point really. How long would be actually be at home, 9pm to 7am?

Given the description of your son and the weekly boarding school, that sounds like a better fit and that he could thrive there. Boarding at that age, when the child is really keen and the school is a good fit, is usually a very positive experience.

Finances permitting certainly. I think there are currently very few boarding schools who could not find room for a current day boy to move to boarding.

It's when a family applies for a boarding place, gets accepted and then asks for it to be converted to a day place once the child has started school that problems arise. It is often easier to be accepted as a boarder than as a day pupil due to the greater demand for day places.

What is the majority in the second school? I wouldn’t have my child as a day pupil in a majority-boarding school.

If he wants to board then that would be my starting point. Personally I think day pupils are schools that are mostly boarding often feel left out (just as day schools with some boarders aren’t as well set up for boarders as “proper” boarding schools). Basically, you want to be a day pupil at a predominantly day school or a boarder at a predominantly boarding school.

Going to Eaton really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be I know a few people who went there none of them are normal

Presumably they can spell it, though.

Who are you quoting / responding to on this thread?

Nobody. I was making a general comment.

So you deliberately misspelt Eton and then within the same message corrected your own misspelling with a sarky comment?

In a thread that was from last year too.

Oh FGS.
I quoted someone else who misspelled "Eton".

As any fule kno.
🤣

But you're not quoting anyone. You're the only person who misspelt Eton.

This thread wasn't even about Eton until you brought it up.

I suspect @TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne had been drinking

And I suspect that I posted on the wrong thread.
Sorry.

I'd only been drinking tea anyway.
🤣

I’d quite like to try that tea 😊

I'd personally not choose boarding for a child with ADHD. However, I know someone who sent their ADHD son to board at Sedbergh (too far for day) and he enjoyed it. Some schools are better equipped for neuro diverse kids.