Would full boarding (Radley) be a good fit?

[TryToRelax]

Hi

DS is currently Yr 5 and saying he wants to go to Radley - mainly because he has a cousin who is already there and who loves it.

I don’t have any experience of boarding, so the idea of it is quite alien to me. I worry it will means we grow apart - especially because we have another child who will definitely stay at home.

Against that - DS is a sporty and very social child, who loves trying new things and will give anything a go. The only extrovert in a family of introverts! Plus we went round, he said he loved it - he was really excited about everything on offer.

DH and I are still very torn - we will let him do the assessment process but how do we know if the school would actually be a good fit? It feels like a leap into the unknown.

DS’s Head can’t really advise because it is an all-through school, so they don’t feed to others. I just feel like we are flying blind. Very grateful for advice!

It's hard for a bunch of strangers to advise whether Radley would be a good fit without knowing more about your family and son.
Where is he currently, and what other schools are you considering- is Radley the only boarding option you are looking at?
At the very least I'd say you should look at a number of other boarding schools even if Radley is the only one you're interested in, because that will broaden your frame of reference to understand Radley.
My own take is that it's an excellent school, quite academic to get into, good for sporty outgoing and outdoorsy boys. It's also the kind of school where the parents have extensive friend & family networks, which might or might not appeal.
I do think it's poor that your prep Head is unable or (more likely) unwilling to advise you- just because he's in all all-through school doesn't mean you are obliged to keep your child there, and advice on senior schools is part of what you pay him for. He just doesn't want to lose a pupil to another school.

Some all-through schools are woefully bad at preparing families for school decisions and admissions. My DD attended the prep of an all-through school where we had zero support in looking at other schools, and any child that needed to sit either ISEB Pre-tests or Common Entrance received no support and their parents had to arrange for tests to be sat at their planned destination school. Parents at the school do not even realise how their options are being narrowed.

At the same time as my DD moved to a different senior school we moved my DS to a prep that is linked to a senior school but does not expect students to move to that school. He is in Year 5 and has weekly sessions to prep for ISEB pre-tests next year, he will have a minimum of three practice interviews with senior staff including at least one with the Head and every parent is given as much personalised advice on destination schools as we need. Such a difference.

That is our experience too @LeicesterDad. It is totally fair enough - we knew it was a through school and it is lovely, but makes life a bit harder for us right now!

Thank you @FairlyFarleigh, really helpful to get your impressions. I realise it is impossible to give personal advice without knowing DS or us - stepping back I think my questions are:
a) does anyone have experience of some DC boarding and others not in the same family? Does it inevitably cause divisions or can it work out fine?

b) is there a “type” of child does well at a full boarding school (or more specifically Radley), and conversely are character traits make it more challenging? (Assuming it is possible to generalise - which it may not be!)

I think a sociable and confident boy would fare well at Radley, so long as he didn't mind being in an out-of-town campus. Boarding isn't for everyone, for instance very introverted children or those who might be targeted by bullies or find it difficult to self-administer would probably struggle more. Neurodiverse children who need particularly high levels if parental scaffolding are probably better off at day school. I don't see any particular red flags from what you've written, but you know your son and his character.

I would be more concerned however about family dynamics if one child boards F/T and the other doesn't. One child will have local friends, the other won't so much, so how they interact socially outside school will be different. Your boarding child will pick up social cues and customs that are different from the home-based child and parents, and you won't have the visibility of his day to day life. If all goes well none of that will matter, and the siblings may come to pool friendship groups and cultures. But if there is any upset you might find the different educational experiences are resented from both sides- the Radley child may resent being sent away to board while his sibling stays in the lap of parental luxury. His non-boarding sibling might resent the incredible opportunities and investment he received and the people & places he would get to know.

There are lots of families where one sibling boards and the other doesn't and I'm sure most of these are fine most of the time. I don't have direct experience as we have done the exact same for each of our sons. But I'd say that choice would add complexity to family relationships and you would need to go into it with your eyes open and lots of communication with both siblings.