Uk boarding school Pilgrims Sherborne

[Rebeccajtaylor]

Hi everyone,
My husband and I are starting to think about boarding schools for our son. He's only one, but my job involves a lot of relocation, so we want to plan ahead and provide him with stability. We've looked at a few schools, including Pilgrims (given his current age), Winchester, Sherborne, Truro, and Windermere.
However, we have some significant concerns, primarily:
Bullying: We're very anxious about him experiencing bullying and how schools handle these situations.
Mental Health: We want to ensure he'll have access to strong mental health support and a nurturing environment.
We're particularly interested in:
Schools with excellent pastoral care.
Robust anti-bullying policies and reporting procedures.
Comprehensive mental health resources.
Schools where children flourish.
Questions for the Forum:
Experience with Pilgrims, Winchester, Sherborne, Truro, or Windermere? If you have any firsthand experience with these schools, particularly regarding pastoral care, bullying, and mental health support, we'd love to hear about it.
Recommendations for other schools? Are there any other boarding schools you would recommend, especially those known for their strong support systems and nurturing environments?
How to assess a school's anti-bullying and mental health support? What specific questions should we ask during school visits to gauge their effectiveness in these areas?
How do schools handle children who's parents move frequently? What questions should be asked to ensure the school can support a child who's parents move frequently.
What are the key factors to consider when choosing a boarding school for a young child? Given our son's age, what should we be prioritizing in our search?
Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Given our son's age, what should we be prioritizing in our search?

Honestly, nothing. It's far far too early for any tours or conversations with schools to be meaningful. There's pretty much no prep boarding until Year 4, so it's 8 years away, and even then it is going to be largely flexi/weekly. It's not going to be a good solution to parents based overseas/ miles away. 13+ is slightly different as the number of full and international boarders increases, so long as you choose the right school. However, at the moment you have no way of knowing what a good fit would be as no way of telling if he'll be academic/ sporty/ musical, whether he'll need any learning support etc. With very few exceptions, so long as you're registered by start of Year 6 for 13+ you're in the main admissions process and at many schools there are Year 7 and even Year 8 admissions as v few schools are 100% full. There's no rush and that is more than a decade away and so much will have changed by then in terms of the individual schools and the whole boarding system.

Re your concerns re. mental health, I'll be blunt and say that boarding school is no place for a child who has anything but v robust mental health. It basically suits sociable, emotionally laid back kids who are "joiners". If DS was exhibiting mental health problems I'd just pull him out.

Schools can change a lot in even a few years. Your child is only one. Any advice about schools now would probably be unreliable in five years time. Boarding at 8 is now much more unusual. Even very traditional preps tend to have children going home every fortnight. Also lots of schools are in reality weekly boarding. A relative of mine attended as military boarder and even within that cohort most of the children went to grandparents most weekends. I'd put all consideration on hold for at least 5 years.

Our kids boarded from Year 4. I think if your child is one year old you have plenty of time to think. The days that children had to be registered before birth are long gone. Even Eton doesn’t require registration before Year 5.

Thank you! That's good to know. We have to move around every 3 years due to work so we want to hopefully pay for nursey and pre school and to see if he wants to continue if you know what I mean. Did he do well there? Thanks so much.

Are you a musical family? Were you thinking of the chorister/quirister path at Pilgrims? That is audition only but it’s a very special life.

We are a very musical family. He's showing good signs already with music at only 1 and a half so we will see! His dad was in a band and also a chorister. I'd love him to go down that path but if he does not want to that's also fine. 😊

It's a bit early but I also get there may be logistical decisions to be planned for - eg if/where you buy a house in the UK as your base.

Some advice from my own experience:

1. at prep school age, you want somewhere that's near enough to a home base that you can visit as often as possible eg for matches/plays, AND near a major airport so that when you are based overseas, it minimises the hassle and maximises the time you spend together when flying in and out. Truro would not be a good choice for that reason.

2. if you are overseas and your child is going to be full boarding you want somewhere with strong & diverse full boarding numbers - not just Asian kids who can't go home. Schools are not always honest about this and the situation can change, so check with current parents closer to the time. But even then, there are exeats every 2-3 weeks at boarding preps so you need to have a plan about where DS will go at exeat and half term - will you be near enough he can fly out to you, or will you fly in, or do you have a close relative who can act as his guardian and take him out for exeats?

3. Bullying/MH/pastoral. The main factor in whether your DS will be happy is whether he is keen to board, or feels he is being forced into it. You need to have a plan B in case in seven years' time he's not keen. However for the sake of this post, let's assume that he is (as my DS was). The key, in my experience, is not about written policies and processes, but finding a prep school small enough that every member of staff knows every child, so no-one goes unnoticed if they are finding something difficult. When you do go on visits, what to look out for is the relationship between staff and children - things like, how do they acknowledge each other in passing - are they respectful of each other - do the staff genuinely seem to enjoy the children's company or do they merely tolerate them, and vice versa?

4. Schools where kids can thrive. Don't be fooled by schools parading piano and violin prodigies, or national tennis champions. Schools have very little to do with those successes, save for being accommodating about children missing school to get specialist outside coaching. The things to look for are the opportunities they give children with no prior experience in a sport or hobby to take it up and improve, and what the balance is between arts and sport. If your child turns out to be very sporty he might not want to attend a choir school, and if your child is musical he might not enjoy being at a school where only the kids in the top sports teams are celebrated. Look at the school magazine and end of term prize lists/colours boards for clues on this - ask about the head boy/head girl - if you are taken on a pupil tour, ask the kids who at the school they most admire. Academically, again don't be fooled by lists of senior school scholarships won - what to look for is where pupils of average ability go on to. That gives you a better idea of the ability of the prep school to add value - in terms of what they are teaching but also their credibility with senior schools. Is the headmaster ambitious for his pupils, is he prepared to go into bat for them, is he trusted by senior schools?

5. Parents. Nearer the time, definitely canvas info and opinions from other parents with kids currently at the schools you are interested in. But just bear in mind most parents aren't very objective about the schools their kids currently attend. There are some genuinely happy parents, but also some stubbornly loyal ones (who may in their heart of hearts know things aren't right or that they made the wrong decision but do not want to admit it). You will also come across some angry and bitter ex-parents who feel they have been let down by former schools - in some cases they have, but often the true story is more complicated than they will admit to. I always found the most useful observations to come from parents who had two or more kids at different schools at the same time. They were able to make really well-informed comparisons and often noticed things that other parents did not.

PS Re Windermere - I'd heard it had some pastoral difficulty in recent years - a case of bullying that wasn't dealt with adequately, leading to tragic circumstances. Also it's a long trek from any major international airport.

Brilliant post from @TheCricketers full of excellent advice. Can I ask which school(s) you opted for, Cricketers, or are you still looking?

I remember years ago someone advised us to turn up at sports matches involving schools we were interested in, to observe the dynamic, behaviours etc on display on an ordinary Wednesday or Saturday. It definitely helped us in making our choice, by observing different groups of parents and children, not just the teachers.

Please don’t do that to your child. Boarding school is horrible. If you have a child then you should care for them not stick them in a boarding school

Place at Eton for 2026.

Nice work- congratulations!

Hi there,
we also move frequently and my children are at Port Regis in Dorest. Brilliant school, day and boarding. Lots of full boarders. Mine started in yr 5 and younger in year 3. Very happy and great pastoral care. I know Sherborne has a much smaller boarding house. It’s not one on your list but worth a look. Best facilities of the prep schools out there.