Why boarding school

[weloveicecream]

I am a teacher at a private school and have always wondered why parents decide to send their children to boarding school? I'm a mother myself with a child who attends private school (even before I entered the teaching profession) and I have always been curious as to why someone would want their child to live elsewhere.

Not a dig or negative post, I have just always wondered why.

There are quite a few threads on this topic already, where people have provided really thoughtful answers. Have a look.

Again? Wasn’t there a thread on this just a week or two ago? I don’t really get the fascination from parents who are not even looking at boarding themselves.

@weloveicecream if this is a question that has always interested you, I suggest the read all the other posts on precisely the same topic. Eventually parents of boarders get a little tired of always being asked to explain themselves.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/boarding-school/5276394-genuine-question-why-boarding-school

HTH.

This question does pop up here regularly. I’m always suspicious that, despite the assurances, it’s a surreptitious attempt to start a debate on boarding. Nevertheless, I'm copying in my (London-centric) reply in another thread recently:

I believe bording can offer opportunities that are simply not available in central London. The number of extras that my daughters can attend far exceeds what we could have offered in London, given the current absurd travel times in the part of London where we live. They do riding, golf, squash, fencing, musical instruments, drama etc. only possible because it’s all “on campus” with no time wasted in traffic.

The same applies to spending time with friends. Unless you’re prepared for your child to travel alone across London to meet up with friends, you’ll still be booking “playdates” at 16 which is just not natural.

Having said that, I’d never send a child boarding who’s not motivated for it. It should never feel like something they have to do (or even worse, a “punishment” for not getting the first-choice school). Both my daughters were very keen on boarding and have loved it. They’d never forgive me if I were to move them into a day school.

My dc attended a specialist school on a bursary, all her decision which she researched, applied, interviewed for etc. It was the catalyst for her career. The difference is I suppose that she was 16 so it was very much her choice

She has friends who boarded younger, those who boarded from 8 are quite frankly pretty screwed up whereas those (mostly from military families) who boarded from 11+ seemed to enjoy the experience

There are numerous reasons. From experience - having been to boarding school myself and knowing why many of my peers were boarding - some of them are:

• a parent with a job that necessitates medium-term overseas postings
• a parent with a job that requires frequent travel
• the ideal school for a child being too far to drive back and forth daily
• the variety of extra curricular activities that you can fit in if you no longer have to commute to school
• the child wanting to board
• being a crummy parent who may or may not have addiction issues but is sufficiently self-aware to know that boarding school with good pastoral care might just be better for a child than the benign neglect they're otherwise going to get at home

I went from age 11 as I come from a military family and we moved every 18 months. My DS went at aged 16. He applied to United World Colleges and got a full scholarship to study the IB in Canada. I loved boarding and I knew he would too so I supported him applying but I was heartbroken when he got a place, especially so far away.

Hi, I'm not sure where you've been asked to "explain yourself". I'm sure Mumsnet is optional , should you wish to join in with a conversation.

What a bizarre response. An independent day school that does not offer boarding, hence the intrigue.

Thank you to those that have chosen to respond in an informative and non passive aggressive manner to a genuine question.

I often get asked why I choose to send my own child to a private school and would never respond like some of the examples on this thread. Bizarre

Not particularly bizarre. I think your same question was raised only a week ago so if you are actually interested in the "why" I'd just suggest having a look at that rather than asking for the same answers to be repeated?

It would be like someone asking "please can you tell me about Majorca" and then a week later you asking "please can you tell me about Majorca".

People are regularly abused on boarding school threads and attacked for sending their children to one so people are naturally wary of seemingly spurious posts which may (experience suggests) have an ulterior motive. Obviously apologies if your question is genuine and you just missed the recent thread on this last week.

There are many, many reasons why boarding might be the best fit for a family. In my case, it is because my child can attend a vocational school and receive specialist, high-quality training in an art-form they are passionate about (and hope to make their career) alongside academics.

My child boards there simply because that school is at the other end of the country to where we live. If we lived next door, they would not.

I sent mine to a boarding prep as a day student and she begged me enough to board. That was it really. She loved it.

She really really wants to go to senior school boarding but I don’t think we can afford it sadly especially with fee rises. She is an only dc and suits it all down to the ground. She would love to go to a school that specialises in a sport she’s pretty good at.

And when you're asked why you send your own child to private school, do people then use it as a chance to tell you what an appalling parent you are? How you must not love your child? How you are abdicating your duties as a parent? How they couldn't POSSIBLY do what you've done, because they just love their child too much.

I'm going to guess you don't, otherwise you'd have a little understanding of why we are wary of being asked why we sent our children to boarding school, given how abusive MNers regularly are to us.

Because it's too far to travel to.. see previous post on the same question..

Because I have a dependent with severe MH challenges at home and it’s safer for my child to stay at school in the week. Plus they have already witnessed plenty and we wanted them to have a “normal” teen experience with peers rather than the experience at home full time.

I think it is because it goes against the normal basic human nature of wanting your children near you. It's so far removed from most people's experience.
Children are young for a blink of an eye and to actively choose to miss any of it is hard to comprehend for most of us.
Therefore it's fascinating.

So you consider it “fascinating” to ask the same question to the same pool of parents again and again? To me that sounds just repetitive.

why are you not happy with our responses from all the other rounds of the same question?

Is there a point where you would just accept “that’s not for me” and agree that different horses (families) for different courses (schools)?

I always wondered how people get into teaching when they lack critical thinking skills, not to mention imagination and empathy. Why did you chose teaching OP? Do you ever read books, now or as a child? That's where we learn to put ourselves in others shoes and imagine lives that might be different from our own. It's a wonderful thing

Well, judging by this thread, it’s a bit rich for boarding-school parents to complain that people are needlessly aggressive towards them!!🤔

I think the pa replies are unnecessary.
If you’ve answered previously then simply scroll on and reply on other topics.
honestly for those researching, considering, or simply excited as someone who’s child is starting as a new student it’s off putting.
I hope the parents who my dd &family meet along their boarding experience aren’t perpetually annoyed.
Search any London private and some schools come up weekly no one replies in such a snotty manner.

If the question is genuine and with no ulterior anti boarding motive or not aimed at making the parents of boarders feel terrible or virtue signal their own wonderful parenting choices (they love their children too much to use boarding etc) then no one has a problem. Although it does give the impression if you ask the question but aren't ever intending to send your kids to boarding school that you are studying us like "fascinating" monkeys in a zoo.

But as with the private school threads, it does attract people who want to make a point. It's fairly easy to tell eg "goes against normal basic human nature" is rather an upsetting thing to read and perhaps if someone bothered to read the myriad answers on why people use boarding they might be little more careful with what they write.

@Notagreatresult @GildedRage And you honestly don't think that comments that our choices as to how we raise our children go against "normal basic human nature" might be offensive, and this is why there is a defensive response when another of these threads starts?

It is not the same as people repeatedly asking for tips about the same school. That happens on the boarding forum all the time too. People are always willing to help out other parents actually making the boarding journey.