Day or boarding?

[Confused1919]

We have to decide between Winchester College boarding or City of London day school… any input? For Year 9. Is boarding really us giving away our son? So many negative comments on here.

What does your son want?

what will his hours be as a day boy? Ie what time will he leave the house and when will he get home?

does he have an activity or sport that he would be able to do to a higher level as a result of boarding or not boarding?

how far is Winchester from home?
what are the weekends like- what does weekly boarding look like?

All depends on how far the schools are away.

I wouldn't listen to the negative comments on here. There are people who have no experience of boarding who stalk these threads to make their point. I don't think you are giving away your child particularly if Winchester is easily accessible for you so you can go to lots of matches and see him all the time. Just do what he wants to do. He will have an opinion at his age as to whether he wants to board.

Boarding OK if super extrovert and popular and you feel confident Winchester can fully accommodate all his current and future hobbies (or if you wouldn't be able to accommodate them anyway if he was a day boy). Boarding can be a lot more shit than day if you're going through a rough patch with friends, and you are limited to what the school can offer in terms of activities. (My own experience, loved playing a particular instrument until went to boarding school, but hated the only teacher of that instrument at my new school; gave up because there wasn't an alternative, whereas as a day pupil you'd always be able to find an alternative teacher; also they didn't do the only sport I really loved.) It's not giving away your son if you can see him regularly, but what do you see as the pros that aren't available at a day school? Do they outweigh the potential cons?

I believe bording can offer opportunities that are simply not available in central London. The number of extras that my daughters can attend far exceeds what we could have offered in London, given the current absurd travel times in the part of London where we live. They do riding, golf, squash, fencing, musical instruments, drama etc. only possible because it’s all “on campus” with no time wasted in traffic.

The same applies to spending time with friends. Unless you’re prepared for your child to travel alone across London to meet up with friends, you’ll still be booking “playdates” at 16 which is just not natural.

Having said that, I’d never send a child boarding who’s not motivated for it. It should never feel like something they have to do (or even worse, a “punishment” for not getting the first-choice school). Both my daughters were very keen on boarding and have loved it. They’d never forgive me if I were to move them into a day school.

100% boarding

Why Winchester - that's a very regimented boarding school with only Sunday afternoon a couple of hours free time. Would that suit your son?

I saw your other thread and was hoping you’d find this board as boarding school is second only to mounjaro in terms of how everyone feels the need to weigh in on MN 🤣. You mentioned on your other thread that there was some disagreement within the family so apologies if you already clarified, but I’d say I would only consider boarding over day if that is what your DS wants. If he’d rather go to COL I’d go with that. I really feel that for boarding to be successful the school has to be the first choice of the child. Your son is obviously v academic and likely that either school would meet his needs in that respect so as pp says, it really comes down to the “vibe” of the school and his other interests.

He is a very happy sociable and sporty boy… of course, at times will need his down time

Maybe me having to discuss/shout at him every evening to do his homework… not having any quality time as CoL will demand a lot too…

As someone who went to boarding school (and was happy there), but sent my own children to day school I would advise a day school.

A lot does depend on what he wants, but when my children were teenagers I felt I was so much more in touch with their lives. I knew their friends and they were at our house regularly, I knew what my children were interested in and what they felt about certain teachers and so on. In short - we had a close relationship.

There will be people on here that will say they have all that with their boarded children - and maybe they do to an extent - but seeing your own children everyday cannot be a bad thing. In fact I have two friends who also boarded as children and have both said to me (independently) how much they now realise their own parents missed out on.

It really depends on the kid and the year group; some kids settle well and find like minded friends/are kept occupied and some don't. We had a terrible time at a school that had nothing on for boarders after school other than prep sessions. Many of the boarders were regularly getting into trouble, largely due to boredom. We switched schools and now there is a huge amount of club choice (more set up for boarders) and we are very happy. Ours now goes on about how much fun it is being with friends all week and how glad they are because prep is set so they don't have work hanging over their head. We have a strong relationship in weekends and with modern tech it is much easier to keep in touch than it was in 90s.

^ This. (I too went to boarding school and was fine there, but then again, knew nothing different, and then sent my own child to day school).

Day every time. One of mine boarded, because we live in a very rural area a long way from an academically selective school. The teenage years go so fast and then they fly the nest. I boarded and had worked in boarding schools, but wasn’t prepared for what it’s like to have a child away from home. The driving to see your child, watch their match or their concert, collect them and take them back for 9pm on a Sunday evening every exeat etc is an absolute pain too.

I’m not sure it IS just down to the kid. It’s also down to the parent/s. I had incredibly detached parents, plus a mentally ill mother. Boarding would have been perfect for me. My son however goes to a day school since we like having him around (& vice versa). We have a good relationship and there is no badgering over homework. He elects to do it (he is at a school that is always in the top 2-5 schools, ie v academic).

From your messages, I get the impression you favour boarding? I know CoL reasonably well since I considered it for my son. it’s tougher than Winchester academically, so your son needs to be driven to get on at city.

A reason we didn’t go with CoL is because our son is also v sporty, and there’s little space (obvs) at the school, even if the boys do go off for sport. In short, though I didn’t entertain the thought of boarding for our son (at age 11) from the few bits I’ve gleaned from your messages, I’d go with Winchester.

To ans your qu, yes I believe you would be giving away your son (during term time!) but by year 9 they are getting more independent, and it should all be fine (versus boarding age 7, not fine!). By this age they are getting independent and sporty happy boys like yours will be fine in my view! I’d feel fine about my child boarding now year 11).

Just had a conversation with my Mum about boarding school. She feels she missed out massively on having a close relationship with her parents and would never have chosen boarding school for my sister and me.

I consider self to have very close relationships w 4 children who all boarded from yr 9. We are just communicators and know each other well. all went same boarding so they remained close with each other.
The not nagging nor micromanaging over homework & organizing has been nice for me, and they are defo more independent having to do this for themselves and mirror peers.