6th Form - ADHD/ND

[TNM]

Hi
My son has had a rough time at his Grammar School and we think he needs a fresh start. He got a late diagnosis of ADHD aged 15 and possibly autistic (he refuses to engage with this assessment). Are there any particular Boarding schools which might be appropriate?

My children board and I think boarding schools are absolutely the right choice for many people.

But what makes you think a boarding school would be right for your son if you think he may be autistic? I would understand it more if you had a particular school in mind and wondered if boarding might work, but it sounds like it’s the idea of boarding that appeals to you, but I’m not clear why.

I also think we can only possibly help identify schools if we know a bit more about the kind of environment your DS will thrive in, and high level why he struggled at his last/current school.

And this is Mumsnet. Ignore the voices that criticise you and listen to those that you are confident are trying to help.

I have ADHD child. Boarded. Did fine at boarding, at Uni now, says he’s doing ok. Boarding had helped him in confidence for Uni.

When I collected him at boarding breaks, and collected his meds, it was obvious that a number of boys had adhd. He did not feel like an outsider.
learning support helped him build study skills

In my experience, Schools will require an Ed Psych assessment. There is possible wait lists for private assessments and you can ask schools Ed psych they are familiar with as the Ed psychs are visiting & assessing at all the schools.
schools want to be sure your child will be successful.
I have 4 kids and moved locale in UK & experienced different private schools. Every class had ND & ADHD, anxiety, ocd etc. some schools better than others. Best ones don’t treat ND like a secret.

Ive had advice from Good Schools Guide as have specialists for ND.
i have had many school tours, u can arrange to meet learning support.

You need to visit & ask. The ones that are open about learning support are ones to consider.

Thanks both of you. The late diagnosis has been difficult for us all. My son is very bright, academic and wanted to go to the grammar school so much. However he has experienced a lot over the last two years (as we have as a family) - he has lost all friends, he has been bullied and he is in a very bad placed mentally. He seems to blame us (probably because he cant blame anyone else which is understandable) - we have been a loving caring family but we don't seem to be what he needs, wants and we are want to give him the options available - maybe a fresh start to reinvent himself... it is just one option - we just don't know how best to support him...

Hey - I believe Milton Abbey in Dorset would definitely be worth looking at. Hope you find somewhere that can help.

I am sorry OP. I do understand that you are looking for the very best for your child.

I would agree that Milton Abbey would be a good place to look. I have no personal experience but have heard very good things about their level of support for children.

For the love of God, do not send a child who is in poor mental health to boarding school!

Whats the distance you have in mind? Milton Abbey in my experience is not for the terribly academic so while the pastoral side might appeal, academically may not be what he needs. There is a wide range between super academic with poor pastoral care and a Milton Abbey which is on the far end of the opposite side but like other posters have said, if we don't don't know more about him or what you're looking its going to be hard to recommend.

How far are you willing to travel from home? 30mins, 1 hr, 2 hrs?
Full boarding or weekly boarding?
Co ed or single sex?
Is he super sporty or more arty (music/drama/Art)?

There are other boarding schools that will give the support your child needs but also be academic (I am getting he is smart as well). I would approach an agent who can definitely help you find somewhere, as there'll be some smaller boarding schools that can also help, or maybe some top academic ones that can also give him the support but also stretch him academically. Sorry to not be more help.

Yes, this was my fear. Academically might not be brilliant for him.

I know loads of people that have gone to boarding school and loved it, found a tribe. It's not a hard and fast rule. They are much more enlightened nowadays, I promise. Even the full boarding ones you're never away from an exeat, half term or holiday for more than 3 weekends max.

You will need the Ed Pysch report. They can be very helpful as they interact with Learning Support, students and parents and can suggest schools might be a good fit.

DS at primary got treated like a reject by staff, lowest set for everything. Ed Psych told primary - child very bright should not be bottom set. They moved jim up for some sets, this gave him a great boost. And i better understood his potential.
She said he could handle academics at all the boarding within 3 hrs of our home. He went to a very well regarded, academic boarding and did well academically.

Her views on schools a huge help as she visits schools all the time for assessments

Have a look at Hurtwood House - it’s sixth form only so a bit of a bridge between school and Uni and I know quite a few of the kids there have ADHD. The only thing is the
boarding houses are scattered about and they bus in each day but on the plus side the houses are quite small and the pastoral care is good. It has quite a strong performing arts side to it but also plenty of kids who aren’t into that if that’s not his thing.

Btw- my DS also bullied at primary, private school with unsympathetic staff. Their view was “get used to it” or “just banter” …. absolute dinosaurs.

Seven years later … he’s at Uni, popular, is the guy people want to meet. He has a good eye for style. Has great GF. Very interested in success.

He is frustrated at times with being not organized, and other ADHD things, but he is doing better than I expected when in year 6 he was hiding in library at school, coming home with ripped jumpers from kids roughing him up (school staff always blamed him for starting fights). Head teacher response was “great he’s in library, shows love of reading” Refused to acknowledge it was avoidance.

There is potential for change, and breaking free from bullies and dinosaur school staff can make a huge difference.

My DD also boarding. I hear from her many girls with MH concerns - schools can have excellent support. She has a friend sees counselor once a week. Another girl took time out and returned. The pastoral staff in boarding houses are there keeping an eye, my DS has been in tears many times with typical drama and knows there are staff and solutions. But it really depends
Some DC do struggle, you won’t know til you
try.

Taking DS on school tours … he will tell you if he’s thinking YES! I see myself being part of that
OR
Hell no.

Look at Peter Symonds in Winchester, it has boarding, excellent pastoral care and is academically sound. I’ve had 2 ND boys go though they didn’t board. It’s huge, state but has a really personal approach and its size means there are lots of different sorts of people.

Thanks all so much. We are in Bucks - not sure if anyone has any suggestions for local to us? Also someone mentioned getting ana agent to help - does anyone have any recommendations?

I posted earlier … my family has relocated a few times.we used Good Schools Guide to help us moving out, then back to UK. They did have SEN experts. They do the phone calls see if there is space but you can do this for free.
For me, the biggest help was the Ed Psych who evaluated DS in year 7 or 8. All schools required the report.
i had thought my son would require “less selective” school but the Ed Psych said based on his results he would be good fit for his big brothers same selective boarding school.

She had been inside all the schools in SW doing assessments, & know who was going to be a good fit. She saw in my son what his previous school did not,
and is no longer working - retired

School visits and meet with Learning Support will help you know, maybe do that before bring him for a visit.
You can do it without paying - practice your questions on school you don’t want if you are nervous. Write out your list of questions, Remember, you are paying them.

Every school has ADHD & ASD pupils - main issue is can they cope with academics. And get along & be happy.

Thanks Jeeekers - he had an ED Pysch Report a few months ago so that actually should work really well to help...

Agree with @Jeeekers that there are a fair few students with ADHD/ASD in most boarding schools, but it really depends on how it presents and how it's managed- most schools have a fairly low tolerance if the student is disruptive or, for example, needs frequent breaks from the classroom which impacts their learning. However, most schools have some accommodations- for example DS's school allows students with learning needs to drop one GCSE and then have those sessions dedicated to pastoral care in respect of organisation/ extra support in ensuring that they are keeping on top of everything and not getting overwhelmed. If your son has been coping academically in a grammar to Year 11 (i.e. hasn't been kicked out and is succeeding academically), then I think most boarding schools might work for him.

All that said... think about how he is likely to enjoy communal living- it may be that he would just find boarding too much if, for example, he has sensory aversions or otherwise needs to maintain more control over his environment /routine than average. Boarding houses can be pretty full on and also quite messy, smelly (Lynx Asphyxia anyone?) and chaotic (why is x wearing my rugby socks/tshirt/ pyjamas?.........although they've normally grown out of bed flipping by sixth form). Again though, the vibe can differ even between houses of the same school.

I don't really know the Bucks schools that well as we are SW but wish you well with your search.

Yes sorry to not be more help either. Im not au-fait with the support from schools in this area although know of them.

It might be useful to start a new thread and put Bucks keyword in title to get some help from those more knowledge, this thread might be a bit buried to attract the right people to help you without people being guided to it.

Good luck @TNM I highly recommend you speak to Charles Banbury who can help with school search. V experienced with ND DC and offers excellent mentoring service to help settle new starters etc.

We are going through a similar process looking for a school for our son, 12. We are looking at school with good SEN support. He’s currently at Bryanston but we are planning to move him. He has ADHD. He’s bright but still struggling academically as he works out how to master his focus and his own way of learning. He went on the meds a year ago and it has made a big improvement. But maths still poor. And he struggles to organise himself. I’ve noticed quite a few posts about Ed Psych. Can someone recommend a good one.

Def make a thread with the keyword in title if no response on here - Im sure it will garner more interest and will be useful reference for others I am sure :-)

@Clairey471 have you looked at Claysmore? That seems the obvious choice in the same locality. My DC went to one of the feeder preps for Can/ Bry/ Claysmore and Claysmore seems to be the preferred option for dc who would benefit from some learning support.