Genuine question- why boarding school?

[NCTDN]

I'm not being horrible but genuinely intrigued. I never had the option and neither have my children, so clueless.
What are your reasons for choosing going to boarding school rather than a private day school?

DD flexi boards and honestly, it's been brilliant. She started at just shy of 14, entirely her choice. We had originally registered her as a day pupil (it's all of half an hour's drive away) but she decided she fancied a go at flexi, which is boarding 3 nights a week. I thought she'd last a month, tops, but she's now been there for 18 months and wouldn't go back to being a day student for anything.

For us, the main benefits are:

• she gets all of her homework done at school, so the four nights at home are completely free time - no need for parental nagging to get her books out!
• She gets to spend her free time hanging around with her friends, doing really fun stuff, rather than spending every evening stuck on her phone at home.

She will probably move school for sixth form and the school that she's eyeing up doesn't do flexi - only weekly boarding, which is Monday to Friday. She's keen, but I'm not sure I am! I love that currently I get to see her 6 days out of 7, albeit quite briefly on a couple of them - just long enought to see that she's well and happy.

We've got friends who do full boarding - away for three weeks at a time, and I think it would break my heart.

Because we live in a rural area and our local comp is dire. Day independent schools are 1+ hr commute each way...

To clarify, it's not when one parent goes to a war zone (eg tour of Afghanistan) that the other one has to go. It's when their "home base" changes. For example my BF from Uni was an army kid - they lived on 4 different bases in Germany and UK until she was 11 and then she went to boarding school, and her parents moved base 3 more times between Year 7-13, including once during her GCSE year, so that would have been massively disruptive as was from the South West to north of London to practically Scotland, so no chance of staying at the same school. Sometimes families end up not moving for years but it's unpredictable. People say "well don't be in the armed forces when you have kids" but I notice that gets trotted out less frequently in the current geopolitical climate 😂- I mean someone has to do it and to expect armed forces personnel not to ever have families might not be the best recruitment tactic.

I think it's something posh people do to mould their child into the right sort of person. Also people who aspire to be posh do this. I's not something I'd ever consider.

I know quite a few military families and as far as I can tell there are 5 options:-

1 Family all move together
2 Parents move together, kids in boarding school
3 Non military parent stays in one pace with kids, military parent moves without them
4 Military parent does whatever necessary to get a long term / permanent posting in one place
5 Military parent leaves military

I would say that 3,4&5 are becoming more and more common. Military families that I knew as a child (grew up near a base) would do a mix of 1 and 2 but far less now.

Helpful comment.

My ds does occasional boarding because I am a single mum, working full time, and if I get stuck behind a points failure or a cancelled flight or a closed motorway, I can call the school, and they take over, he has his supper at the boarding house, stays the night if necessary.

When I needed a cancer op, I could book DS in for three nights and he has a home-from-home where he is well cared for, relaxed, well fed, surrounded by friends, gets his prep finished etc.

Given my ex's refusal to take any part in the care of his ds, I needed a reliable partner who would help when necessary. The school provides that. Without the option to board, I'd have to give up my job, couldn't pay the mortgage, etc etc.

Our House mistress is wonderful. She never says no, (although I don't abuse her kindness.) She and the other staff are infinitely more reliable and competent than a husband.

Interesting thread. The families I know who have opted for it are looking for a specialist provision in an area where training young is really important. A specialist dance or music or sports school and obviously these are few and far between.

Would like to be able to cite a whole raft of reasons: highly mobile family, sibling with major health issues, the fantastic academic and extra curricular activities, children who were really keen to go. But maybe I should just admit that I am a terrible parent and the maths homework got too hard in Y6.

Actually, I just did it because I didn't like my kid very much.

(...if we're trotting out the tired old tropes.)

My military family tried pretty much all of these at various points with various kids.

I was in group 1 mostly, and at 13 I asked if they could just send me to boarding school rather than having to keep on moving, and ending up at shitty local comps. (They said no.)

My much younger half-sister went to boarding school, but then our dad managed to get a long term placement.

My stepbrothers did a mixture of living with only their mum, while their dad was posted abroad, and also being sent to boarding school.

My stepdad eventually left the military, so my other sister did get to stay in one place eventually.

No one right answer there, but at least trying to listen to your kids and find out what they might want seems to be a helpful start.

In that case, I always found that having kids at home got in the way of my drinking, and sending them off to boarding school was more convenient that dealing with my issues with my own childhool.

@tachetastic having been to boarding school, you'd be surprised how common that exact scenario is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I quite fancied joining the military but I had already met Dh by the time I finished university and kids were in our (planned but distant) future.

I didn’t find any of the 5 options particularly satisfactory which put me off and I went off to do something else. Right decision with hindsight.

No more so than in any other family.

I have worked in 3 boarding schools. I would say that 90% of the children/students love the experience.

It is nothing like the old stereotype of sleeping in dormitories. Mostly, it involves shared rooms. So 2 or 3 to a room. Own bathroom. Most schools allow the students to have a say in who they share with. I've asked students why they like boarding, and most of them say they love living with their friends. And for many schools, weekly boarding is an option. So pretty much the best of both worlds. Living with friends during the week and with family at weekends/holidays.

For most of the students in the schools I've been in, it has been their choice to board. Of course, some of the students are from overseas, in which case parents have made the choice.

I've known of a couple of very unhappy children sent overseas by ambitious parents. But that really is a rarity.

Dc1 wanted to do A-levels abroad (she did IB). She holds dual citizenship so it was possible for her.
We chose a boarding school next to my parents. She had a great time.

She went to university in England and in Scandinavian. Scandinavian so much cheaper than England and course was great.

The op has clearly answered this already….

Oh stop. You know perfectly what I'm getting at. Boarding school threads attract even more nutters than private school threads. People out to make a point. Or daily mail journalists.

And also I posted that as the very first reply to her peculiar question I don't think I'm being unreasonable in questioning her motives.

This is so sad

But this was literally the very first response to this thread before the OP had answered to anything at all.

What do you mean that they had clearly answered this already if they hadn't posted a single response?

I think it sounds wonderful that their child is living their best life.

1 It wasn't a peculiar question.

2 No nutters here that I've noticed, other than some hostile posters. (Et tu...?).

3 POSSIBLY a media post but who knows?

There are a lot of people who come onto these threads asking a seemingly innocent question and then the threads descend into accusations of parents "f-ing their kids up" if they board which I find a bit upsetting as do many people. That can also be reflected in attitudes of some parents in real life who have no experience of boarding. I'm therefore naturally suspicious (from experience) of people asking these questions without apparent reason to.

The PP I was replying to seemed to suggest that the OPs original question answered a question I hadn't even asked, as it was her and my first post.

See..always descends into madness...

It says it all when you see a poster describing how happy and fulfilled their child is and then someone replies 'this is so sad' ...!! Just reminds me not to bother responding to these threads! They just want a bunfight for no good reason. Wish they'd stick to AIBU or chat though. We're more all about ISEBs, mattress toppers and name labels over here...