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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Questions to ask

5 replies

25Green · 09/01/2025 11:57

Hi there,

Going to see some boarding houses with our DS.

What questions should you ask? What questions do you wish you had asked? What should we look out for?

Any hints or tips would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
tachetastic · 09/01/2025 14:22

Be clear whether you are looking at full-time, weekly or flexi-boarding and find out precisely the number of boys/girls that board on the same basis. Also, if your DS will be a full-boarder, what is the percentage of full vs flexi/weekly boarders in each house and especially in each dorm.

My DS is a full-boarder but in his dorm of seven, four boys are flexis who are only in 1-2 nights per week. They are great friends but it means there is usually only 3 in the dorm and if even just one goes home it gets very quiet.

Are the dorms single-year or mixed-year?

What is the number in each dorm? I know some schools with 13-15 children in a single dorm in Year 9. That is very different to a three dorm, but may suit some kids.

A chunk of this falls away as boys get older and progress towards single dorms.

More of a school policy point, but what are the rules on exeats and home weekends? Some schools have set weekends where everyone must be in, set weekends where everyone must go home, and flexibility for the others. Other schools have a limit on the number of home weekends but are entirely flexible when these are taken.

Policy on phones and technology. There is a steady trend towards less and less access to personal tech at school, which I support, but understand the policy and then support the approach of whatever school you choose.

A delicate question but try to gauge the proportion of international students. Diversity is to be celebrated, but this requires a community to actually be diverse. If there is a concentration of foreign students from a single country there can be a natural inclination for them to stick together, speak their own language etc. This can be very isolating for other boarders, especially of other domestic students head home at weekends but the international clique remains.

Do have a good look at the cleanliness of the boarding house and the quality of flooring, run fingers over shelves etc. The school cannot be blamed if you surprise a sixth former in his dorm and there is a pile of dirty games kit in the corner from earlier that day, but they can be blamed if the place feels unkempt, tired and grubby. Schools that are on the ball when you have a problem are on the ball generally.

Perhaps not a massive deal, but understand the relationship between the boarding house and school. I know one boarding school where, with the exception of maths, lessons are taught entirely by house (i.e. classes are all from a single house, but the teaching is by school staff), which also means the lessons are single sex even though the school is co-ed. At others, the house is where all meals are taken and, because of location, the house becomes the centre of life, even if lessons are mixed. At others the house is simply where your DS sleeps. Where the school is on this continuum does not mean it is better or worse, but does put more or less importance on the choice of house for your DS.

Outdoor space, outdoor space, outdoor space.

Is this the kind of thing you mean? I will add more if I think of anything.

LaPalmaLlama · 09/01/2025 16:52

Do the houses tend to have "personalities" or "specialities" whereby your ds might be better suited to one over another or do they take care to balance personalities/ talents across the houses?

How much discretion does the HM get in terms of setting policies around phones, prep etc.? Personally I prefer rules to be consistent across the school as causes fewer "it's not fair" problems.

On aesthetics, don't automatically go for the house that has had the newest refurb. While agreeing with @tachetastic about an acceptable level of cleanliness, boarding houses are often quite basic but DS has never complained about the decor. All boys dorms stink of Lynx and trainers.

Agree relationship between boarding house and school is really important- DS has a strong house identity but his "teaching group" is made up of both boarders and day students from across the school and it's also centralised dining. DS prefers this as interacts with more of his year (he went to a local feeder prep so has a lot of day friends). However, from MN I know that some parents have a v strong preference for house dining vs centralised, so it is horses for courses.

Ask the boys what they do in the evenings and on Sundays, not the staff :-) Re weekend activities, for Year 9 and above I dont think they need regular organised activities. They need Sundays for a bit of downtime. Providing they have access to the school's facilities, then entertaining themselves is a good thing IMO.

PemberleynotWemberley · 09/01/2025 19:15

Great advice as ever from @tachetastic and @LaPalmaLlama . I'd add that you must take a view on the Housemaster- and if possible House Tutors and Matron or equivalent. HM in particular is incredibly important in setting the values and culture of the house. Try to work out what you think of the Head of House too, and the HM's criteria for selecting him. And ask how much access pupils have to other houses- because that will have a bearing on friendships across the school.
One potential downside of boarding life is that kids get v v tired and need good sleep hygiene. So look at how easy or difficult it will be to get to bed and fall asleep in good time, and to enjoy decent quality sleep. Things like number of beds, noise levels, position of doors and windows, access to dark. I'd also want to know that junior years have to hand in any devices, and have somewhere else to do their work.
Finally, whilst boys mostly don't care much about furnishings, do take a view about whether these suggest a level of care & respect, and whether they are likely to promote civilised or uncivilised behaviour. And there is absolutely no excuse for dirty or broken bathrooms- that should be a red flag...

tachetastic · 09/01/2025 20:55

With respect to my comments on cleanliness of boarding houses, I agree entirely with the comments above, that you should not expect perfection (these houses hold dozens of teenagers, so lets be realistic) and basic facilities are absolutely adequate if well taken care of, but when I visit houses alarm bells go off if there is a general feeling that staff are not on top of things.

We visited one school which looked amazing, but as soon as we were on the corridors with dorms the lights weren't quite so cheery and the lovely carpet gave way to lino that looked ancient and was peeling away from the floor in places. Everything went beyond basic to looking quite grubby and utilitarian. The school may have argued it was practical but it looked sad and not at all the type of place I would want to drive away from leaving my DCs behind.

I also totally agree with @LaPalmaLlama about not needing activities all the time, and this is not just from Y9. My DS is currently at a boarding prep, where he is really happy, but he prefers weekends where he can just be with his friends and chill out. I had assumed that organised trips would be the highlight of his week but as he once said to me "I don't want to go to the beach again. I just want to relax". Out of the mouth of babes.

Pleasantree · 09/01/2025 23:47

Ask student giving tour how many weekends they went home, &‘ why.

Ask his students get detention, demerits & why
Ask how many students got kicked out & Why.
Ask if kids get caught with second phones.

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