Head of house role?

[GertBurns]

Our student started at 11th grade about a month ago at a co-Ed boarding school. We’ve had no communication from the head of house about how they are doing. We reached out the other day because the student wasn’t feeling well, went to the nurse, wanted to check in with the head of house to see how it’s going, and they didn’t even reply back. Is it normal for head of house not to communicate with parents at all after you drop your child off at Boarding school for the first time knowing that this is a student’s first time at boarding school? We have communicated with teachers. Who are all great. Seems strange though that the head of house who is supposed to be an advocate and confidante for our child is not communicating with us. Our child also said they’ve only talked to her a few times. We have nothing to compare this to. Because it’s the students first time at Boarding school. Looking for lived experiences or parental experiences with the role of head of house to better understand what we should expect? Should we be concerned and reach out to the head of house or to the dean of students? Student seems to be doing OK overall, although quite stressed, so we’ve set them up with a counselor. Also, there seems to be a total lack of activities at the dorm on the weekend. Also not much camaraderie between the kids in the dorm. Is it the role of the head of house to make sure the dorm mates are bonding and getting along? Especially within the first few months of school? Or is this someone else’s role? Thanks for insights!

I'd want more communication myself.

Is this a uk school?

The school is in the USA

Most people here will know about uk schools, where what you describe isn’t normal at all. Most schools don’t have dorms anymore but individual rooms for older students and pairs or 3/4 kids for younger pupils.

Ah maybe USA is different then as I'd definitely expect better communication in the UK.

In the UK usually it's matron that you would discuss any illnesses with. Do you have those sort of people at your child's school. I suppose uk mumsnet won't be hugely helpful unfortunately.

Language wise in the UK you’d call this position a housemaster/housemistress - the head of house would be a pupil. In the UK the housemaster/mistress would be your main point of contact pastorally and they should be responding to you significantly more quickly - absolutely same day in this scenario (unless you email late/overnight).

We had a very poor experience at what is considered a top boarding school in the UK, we should have left long before we did. There are lots of negative post on here regarding the school but they barely scratch the surface.I still have sleepless nights , my gut instinct told me there was something really toxic about the school.My family will recover but our decision will haunt me for the rest of my life.

We had dorms for the first two years and a house master with a drinking problem. I still find it hard to comprehend how other parents turned a blind eye.

I got very confused here at first thinking it was unusual to start half way through GCSEs and unusual to be communicating with the Head of House who is a student, but now I see this is not a U.K. school.

It would worry and frustrate me if there was no communication particularly if I had reached out. I’m not sure who the correct person is in a US school. Is there any parent WhatsApp group or similar where you could ask? Is there a matron or equivalent? Assuming the head of house is like a U.K. Housemaster then I would definitely contact them again.

I hope all goes well.

@Equestriandancer Are you happy to say which school? Or link to the thread? DW if not! Thanks

I will send you the name@Milkandacookie . There are numerous threads on here.

@GertBurns every school is different in terms of the roles of houses and heads of house and communication with parents. And within schools it tends to be different for older students (11th grade is the equivalent of 6th form here in the UK) vs freshmen or younger. I boarded at that age as an American teen and at my school our head of house was not the primary point of contact for parents; that was our advisor (in the UK they would more commonly be called tutors). Heads of houses/house parents had 5-10x the students to manage and their time was often spent more on things like discipline whereas each advisor might have half a dozen advisees tops and was focused on pastoral care and academic advising. It was a pretty logical approach, but it's honestly very different from the structure at a lot of UK boarding schools. And as we moved up in the school there was definitely less communication with parents unless something was really going wrong. For something like a mild illness (i.e. no outside treatment/hospital care needed, no prolongued stays in infirmary) at 16-17 years old the expectation would be that I would communicate with my teachers (with my advisor's assistance if needed) about work and classes missed and with my parents. There weren't a lot of "just checking in for/with an update" communications between the school and home. Not every school is like that, but it also isn't uncommon by 11th grade.

So I think I'd start by figuring out if there's a better primary contact for you and your child. Do they have an advisor/tutor that better fills the role you're envisioning for head of house? And for the friends/activities aspect I would encourage your child to explore things like clubs and sports if they aren't already, since that's often the underpinning of social life at that stage more than organized year/house activities. I know that's a hard balance with the academic pressure that comes with 11th grade and starting a new school, but it's worth dedicating time and energy to now.

Also @GertBurns CollegeConfidential has Prep School and Boarding School forums that are well populated by parents of US boarding students. I don't wan't to dissuade you from posting here as well, but it's a good resource if you have a student boarding in the states instead of the UK.