Experience beats knowledge !

[DaftHusband]

Hello Mums and maybe a few other Dads.

Trying to navigate the systems to find best options for an only child. Now in year 6 but looking at boarding year 9/10.
He has a great sense of humor, will not tolerate seeing another child bullied with a fun fun fun outlook.
Diagnosed with Dyslexia with a dash of ADHD. He is not a nose to the grindstone type or look at me but very popular, caring and kind. Loves outdoors nature ect. Happy little thing not bothered about being in a contest. I'm sure like many others though, can happily work a last nerve when ready!

We don't want his education going in the wrong direction but are not prepared to stress him out to just get a one time grade and then him have to struggle for X many years to keep up in the wrong place.

We were looking at Brystone, Sherbourn and maybe Canford.
Please shoot me down if I am totally wrong.
Asking here as wanting to learn from others but mostly want what is right for him. Our life style mean we are not really in the usual chatty mum groups at school to ask about any of this.
Any information pro/cons of these schools mentioned or other suggestions welcomed. South area if possible.

Thanks very much.

All 3 of those schools are good options. All will ask for an Ed Psych report, book one now the wait list can be long. It is possible that if you get a SW private Ed Psych. And will know the schools and can offer feedback regarding fit.
All have Learning Support which can be helpful, many many students use the service so it’s not considered unusual.
Visit the schools, go on the tours and ask questions, meet with learning support,

I had looked at Bryanston, Millfield, Blundell’s, Kings Taunton, Taunton School, Canford - DS1 didn’t want all boys so never considered Sherborne. Canford was the obvious best fit for DS1. DS2 adhd, I wasn’t sure Canford would be good fit as his prep considered him a bit “defective” … but the Ed Psych said he was v bright & underestimated at prep, Canford would be perfect and it has been good for him. Learning Support was always available, he didn’t need it after few years. DS3 also at Canford.
Kids Prep would not help with Sr schools - only supported feeding to their Sr school so zero support, in fact give cold shoulder once they figure out you’re not going to the sr school. Did search on my own in year 6.

Bryanston beautiful but perhaps too much distraction, Millfield too big & housing too far from campus, Blundell’s housing was gross & tech out of date, Kings Taunton housing gross, culture at school ick..
Once at sr schools there is very little chummy mummy for boarder parents.

Your description of your son has made my day, @DaftHusband - he sounds glorious. I'd say you have three pretty good options listed, and from here should do as much visiting as you can. You need to think through whether you want full boarding or not, and your preferences for single sex or co-educational; then whether a campus or in-town setting would suit your son better. You've got a bit of time before you need to have a decision nailed down. The school I know well is Sherborne, as a current parent x 2. It's a genuinely broad entry school so accommodates a real variety of boys along with their strengths and interests, and the full boarding would probably work really well for an only child, as the boys become pretty close-knit. We are happy with the 'separate but together' relationship with Sherborne Girls, whereby the two schools educate and house pupils separately but do a lot of co-curricular activity jointly, getting benefits of both single sex and co-ed. Our sons are beginning to grow more independent and will do most of their coming and going by train this year onwards. From being quite isolated rural kids it's been good to see them navigate town living in Sherborne, which is a safe and benign environment, and from the other end of the spectrum we see boys from London able to relax and unwind there because the town is low-key and stress-free.

I should add, I know families at Bryanston and Canford, also very happy with their choices. It really does boil down to where you feel your son will thrive, rather than chasing exam tables. Good luck!

@BarkingBingobisco Thank you very much.
We are trying to visit Canford even though the current Prep said it was not for our him.
Agree with Bryanston. Looks great but is it an easy time filler rather than individually focused!
Laughing as "Chummy Mummy" is a new one on me😂. Any reason why Sherborne was not in your cross hairs ? I read very mixed reviews.

@PemberleynotWemberley . He was not making me laugh this morning 😊😴.
Thanks for the reply and for mentioning the other schools. I did read Sherbourne was not great for SEN ? maybe that Info is wrong.
It's tricky as no one rightly says, "Yes, X is at this school and it has XYZ issues". I doubt any of the schools are awful I'm happy just getting a "Close to best fit."
We are also rural but he has a great gang always wanting to come play. Seems to a be limited amount of Dad's that hand out hand held radios, Axe's and proper fires on a playdates.😄
Really is great to hear from those who actually have children in the various places.
He would be full time and personally would prefer a mixed Ed as he has always had that. (to date he has two crushes😇)

Sherborne being single sex did not appeal to my eldest.

I had thought that DS2-ADHD wouldn’t be able to meet demands based on experience with his prep. It was the Ed Psych who assessed who opened my eyes to his academic abilities & that some schools had good Learning Support (Prep LS was poor).
Realised that school culture and approach to LS makes the difference.
Ed Psych we used, had been in the schools in SW doing assessments & felt she provided valuable “behind the scenes” info. She liaised with staff so had a good idea about quality of LS.

@BarkingBingobisco Agreed I am not over the mooon about single sex. He has been in Mixed Ed from day one. Sorry not up with the lingo DS1 ? DS2 ect . Did not realize so much could depend on the Ed . Sounds great and maybe lucky Ed Psych you used, had been in the schools in SW doing assessments, very very useful. We have one booked soo will definitely be asking more questions thanks to you.

My experience too are some schools very focused on “tradition”, and maybe not keeping an eye on world around them or future. I would quite like my DC to be educated and employable, so schools that embrace technology, and are evolving, appeal. The mucky smelly housing, boys will be boys, cricket/rugby maketh the man attitudes don’t appeal because there should be more to offer in education.
It occurred to me on visits, that full tuition & boarding for most schools very similar. Some manage to have clean premises, good furniture in houses, tech in classrooms and labs. Others not keeping up which makes you wonder where the money goes …

@BarkingBingobisco Yes 100% agree, Many schools are stuck in the old "You won't be walking about with a dictionary in your pocket", era !
A.I definitely a game changer and should be on the curriculum for endless reasons.
Doubt by 2027 year 9 any school will be up to speed on that one.
Can I am assume Canford is a clean one.😏

Canford, Bryanston, Millfield, bright, clean, modern with common room furniture I would sit on. Some rooms en suite & individual shower rooms.
Blundell’s boys boarding reeked. Tour person said - oh that’s the boot room, I opened door to boot room & I stuck my head into room and it smelled better than the entry hall! The bedrooms were too cluttered with too much furniture and door didn’t open fully because blocked by beds. fire hazard!

Kings Taunton boys common room packed with too many black leather sofas facing every-which-way - another fire hazard! They did not include bedrooms on the tour.

Not including bedrooms on the tour would be a big red flag for me. The description of whiffy houses at Blundell's and King's Taunton is a good illustration of the value of visiting outside the context of open days- because anywhere can look decent with enough warning and prep, but it's the daily reality that you need to understand.
My sons' Sherborne HM is a former RM officer and I think runs a relaxed, harmonious and decent house, but it's clean and orderly: a good blend of traditional and modern.

Bryanstone, Sherborne and Canford are three schools I know well.

Dominic Luckett (Sherborne) is a great head and has done a huge amount for the school. I also have a friend who's v dyslexic son is there and is absolutely thriving, The close relationship with the girls' school helps offset concerns about single sex to an extent. The town setting is lovely. Is proper "full boarding".

Canford is the more academic of the three, more flex around weekends vs Sherborne ,is co-ed and about 1/3 day. Results stack up v favourably against "big name" schools with a geographically broader pool of applicants (aside from about 10% international boarders, Canford is essentially a local school- most live within 90-120 mins of it). Of all the schools I toured (many), their students impressed me the most in terms of their social skills. Socially a broad church but I probably wouldn't send a very "quirky" child there. Risks (Opportunities): New headmaster in 2025 and new sixth form centre.

Bryanston- a lot of DS's friend go there. Mix of boarding/ flexi and day- tends to be a bit emptier at weekends. Academically broader than Canford (by quite a margin- sixth form is relatively small as many pursue other paths) but that isn't to say that a bright child won't thrive there. The children I know who do well there would be described as "motivated self starters" with clear direction and commitment to interests such as sport/ music/ the arts if not to their academics :-). Possibly not right for a child who finds it hard to organise their time, self- motivate or benefits from a bit of chivvying!! New head of rugby is amazing if that's of interest.

My advice: visit them all with an open mind and ask all the questions. My "on paper" favourite fell way down the list when I visited. A lot of it comes down to the vibe of the place.

Millfield: I wouldn't consider unless child v v sporty and academically average, when it has clear advantages. Otherwise I think there are better options.

Also, you say boarding in Year 9/10. My opinion would be Year 9. They need that year to settle in and get used to boarding/ make some friends before they start GCSE's. Otherwise it's "everything, everywhere, all at once".

HTH

@LaPalmaLlama @PemberleynotWemberley

Thank you so much for all your thoughts. I have just come back from visits to both Bryanston and Sherborne.
First vibes,

Bryanston. Fantastic grounds, clean dorms confident tour guides Boy & Girl. They were honest about they have to get on with the work but also if they don't it is picked up very fast.
Neg was so many appear to go home at weekends. Maybe mad but hoping in a few years mine will organise their time, 10 is not great at clock watching. I did warm to the school vibe. The lack of religion is also appealing. @LaPalmaLlama I am however not sure my 10 year old is a "motivated self starter" with clear direction and commitment to interests. Then again much will change in the next 2 years. Have already decided it will be year 9 to start thank you for the added reasoning. My son awarded this school with a 9/10.

Sherborne. Tricky to put my finger on it but certainly aiming to produce extremely polite, confident smart young men. @PemberleynotWemberley I think it was your sons HM that took the first part of the tour today.

Great facilities and varied. Dorms a bit dated must be cold in winter but the pastoral care appears amazing. (met a new year 3 in the town a single child and he was very happy about the school and the support). Boarders appear to have their time well filled from dawn til dusk with both lessons and sport. The two boys that did the tour confident and while one had "very very bad dyslexia" his own words, he quickly added the support was amazing. My son awarded this school 8/10.

Personally I am not sure Sherborne is the right place. Then again it could actually give my son the great boot up the "street of life", and set him in the right direction.
The responsibility given to the boys to walk about the town ect is fantastic.

Bryanston they are fairly cut off.

Have Canford visit in a few weeks but I am already feeling it is more "Tick that off the list", exercise.

Thanks again for the input it's a huge decision.

Morning, just adding a recent CAT score of 115 into the mixing pot for ideas. As I said earlier I would rather a school that is. not a full time struggle to just keep up with the work.

@DaftHusband just wondering how the Canford visit went and your thoughts?

@Birmingbacon We did not go in the end. We decided that Oundle is perfect for us. Not to easy and not too traditional. We have a plan B as I am sure each is as good as the other but we have too pick one 🙂.

Late to the thread but wondered if you had thought about Bredon. Used to have a working farm. Was part of Cavendish.

@Birmingbacon happy to answer questions on Canford either on thread or PM.

Thank you @LaPalmaLlama wondering about boarding at Canford for a very musical boy but not sporty. Academically high. Typical Aspergers profile. Maths/music. Great sense of humour, kind, funny…. Forgetful, badly organised, head in the clouds.

I spoke to Canford about it and they assured me great support network and he’d be looked after with organising himself. So my only concern is can a boy with no interest in football/rugby/cricket (happy to join in but no skill!) get along and find friends? We want him to be happy and Canford works for us as his older sister has a space for Sept 2026 so we would rather them be together

@socialdilemmawhattodo Yes we did consider but not for us. Great support there though. We have been offered places at Brystone, Sherbourn but are aiming for Oundle at this stage. Ask me tomorrow and it may have changed again though 😂but hope we are all set. Thank you

@Birmingbacon There are quite a few from DS's prep who are not sporty (into music/ performing arts/ visual arts) and who are enjoying Canford - a few are music scholars. The musical kids are also instrumental in organising the rest for the house music competition and doing the solos etc. Might be worth finding out how many do music GCSE as a sort of ballpark figure on how many musical kids there are.

Socially, there is definitely a mix of personalities and it's not a particularly "alpha' culture. I haven't heard of any bullying (we are quite local so know a lot of current and recent students) - not naive enough to imagine it never happens, but it's definitely not a recurring problem.

Sport is quite central but it's not the be all and end all or how the school primarily identifies - however, being happy to participate is quite important, just because there is quite a lot of it (3 afternoons a week plus Saturday matches), so if he absolutely hated every second then I might say not a good fit. There's a non - contact option for rugby and can opt to row for two terms instead of hockey/cricket if he'd prefer a non-ball sport. No mandatory football at all, although many choose it from V form, and more choice in sport as they move up the school so can do golf etc.