Boarding schools in Kent for ADHD child age 13 - small class sizes

[Bruce2]

Hi there

my child has ADHD and traits of ODD. They have an EHCP and are currently year 8 of a grammar school in Kent.
Their attendance is currently 57% due to not being able to get up and out the door in morning then when they do eventually get to school it’s around lunchtime.
averaging 7/25 lessons a week.

This clearly can’t continue and the council have been appalling at helping us in any way.
My child is keen for boarding school but we need to find one that has small class sizes.

does anyone have any experience or recommendations for one in Kent please?

I know that this isn't what you asked, and because I feel so strongly about this, I tend not to speak about it. That being said, I'd ask you to please consider if this is right for your child. Given his/her diagnosis, I can't help wondering if this will exacerbate everything.

I am a "survivor" of boarding school. I'm 45 years old and I still wake up crying thinking that I'm still there. My relationship with my family has never recovered.

I understand that right now, life must be incredibly difficult for you. I have a school refuser at the moment and it's taking reserves of patience that I didn't know I had. I know too that your DC has wanted to go to boarding school, but kids don't always see the difference between what's easy or nice and what's good (chocolate for breakfast anyone?)

I'm already regretting writing this, but I'll don my hard hat and take it, if there's a chance that just one child can nit.go through what I did.

You're an incredible mum to look at all the options and I'm truly sorry if I've offended you.

I also need to speak up - my DH is a similar age and has ADHD. His parents sent him to boarding school at 11 and honestly, it was the worst thing they could have done for him. OP please think very carefully about this before you take action. My son also has ADHD like DH and so I completely understand what you are going through, but seeing what boarding school did not DH I really don't think its the right thing.

As someone with autism with similar experiences I can relate.

Op what’s happening that your child’s attendance is so low? Is it because they don’t like school / is the whole school atmosphere not right for them? I think you need to consider the bigger picture. I absolutely hated school throughout my whole life and nearly had a complete breakdown aged 16 at private school because I just couldn’t cope with the whole ethos.

Generally boarding is not suitable for ND children, however your child may be one of the exceptions

In addition there is often a fantasy that there are schools out there, private/specialists/independent who are willing and able to take children with the traits you have identified. There arent. These schools have waiting lists as long as your arm and although their glossy brochure and website will say they acdept and are specifically for children with ADHD, ASD, ODD, PTSD, they wont take children who have got challenging behaviours, by and large. They will take children with those diagnoses and difficulties but where the children are largely compliant, attend school, arent self harming/harming others etc etc

I think most boarding schools would have smaller class sizes than a grammar.

I am intrigued why your child feels they would be able to get out of bed and get into the class room at boarding school but not from home as its all the same processess, transitions.

Is it more that you cant find any day schools close enough that would work?

Thanks for all the replies.

my child does have challenging defiant behaviours but actually loves school and very sociable - they went for a boarders weekend last year to test it out and loved it.
they are very peer led and would do much better on the environment than at home where our direction is challenged at every step.
right now as I type this my DC is lying in bed refusing to get up and dressed.
They wouldn’t do this with a house matron and the risk of embarrassment of the other boarders. The structure of boarding and the extra curricular activities would help offset the medication come down at the end of the day.

you all may be correct and that boarding might not take them but unfortunately we now have social services involved due to their behaviour and the school raised a safe guarding against the child (not us or the home environment but that our DC was a danger to us and their siblings)
they only acts like this in our house - almost like we are a trigger - by trigger I mean we lay down rules and they don’t comply so kick off.
school have also stated the same thing.

we were told when they were diagnosed at age 8, the time between 12-16 will be the most difficult but my goodness…. This is unimaginably difficult.

i suppose I am really looking to see if anyone has experience with this and looks like some of you have.
so thank you for taking time to reply

and no day school would really work as they couldn’t even get out the door to primary school which was a 90 second drive from us.
They thrive on novelty and new - hate mundane routine and tasks. So year 7 attendance was great…. Even for a certificate for two terms for 100% but now the novelty of secondary school has worn off and there’s no motivation to go to school anymore (in their eyes!)

My DSS' brother was in a similar situation and attended a weekly boarding school. He absolutely loved it and really thrived and was it was definitely the best thing for him.

Unfortunately I can't help with a recommendation as this was in a different part of the country quite a few years ago, but wanted to provide a positive view.

limpsfieldgrange.co.uk/

You haven't specified sex, this a girls school with residential places in Surrey that I have heard good things about.

Thank you for recommending, we’ve looked at this before.
Unfortunately she does not see herself as having SEN needs - thinks we’re all the problem for not letting her do as she pleases - that’s why she kicks off.
we did suggest this but wasn’t met with positivity at all.

Some children do respond differently to a non -family situation.
Seeing peers at school getting up and doing things CAN be an excellent motivator.
check John Catt school guide or Good Schools guide - believe you can filter location and additional need.

Bethany and Sutton Valence both offer boarding and both have a great reputation for supporting additional needs x

I am not sure a boarding school is a good setting for a child, especially one with ADHD. They have big in emotions and feel things more intensely than neurotypicals. They need lots of love and a boarding school is an institution. My daughter was saying she wanted to go to a boarding school from Y7 but was just a day girl (she attends one in Kent). There was an event in Y8 where she got to stay over one night and she absolutely hated it. Wanted picking up at 1am!! She has adhd also. I would advise against.

Personally not heard amazing things about Kent College Pembury, especially for boarding. A lot of people are leaving who have SEN.

Sutton Valance I've heard good about and also West Heath.

Does it have to be Kent if she is boarding?