Boarding schools actively monitor meals to make sure children are eating. If some aren’t monitoring, they should.
Aware that meal skipping is considered a problem, some have meal slippers on of system where they are monitored.
Anyway, making this “boarding school” threat probably makes your DH feel like he has some control about the aggression that is upsetting him. You can let him know that the kind of “strict” behaviors he expects from staff at boarding school don’t actually happen.
Total guessing - but thinking that fear, uncertainty or anxiety is causing fight or flight feelings. DS just might not be able to redirect himself yet. Can you have a direct conversation with son to ask & discuss how to change his reaction to DH?
My DH acts like a jerk with my boys at times, says regrettable things when the boys are acting like typical teens. I have suggested he hug them instead - I told “shut your mouth and give them a hug because they are feeling bad - can you not see that??”
I made the choice to not shout or look crazy angry, it never changes the behavior. Kids already know they f’d up - better to talk about what to do differently.
with ASC the hug maybe not the right behavior, but soothing rather than combatting ?
I would guess all boarding schools have ASC students. There are Boarding schools that are for ASC. It depends on what’s best for your son, if he can meet the academic standard and cope with sharing rooms and student life/sports, then he can board at mainstream. (Good schools guide has book on SEN)
You can tell your husband that normal boarding school punishments are early wake ups, supervised study, detention, loss of weekend privileges- worse behavior gets students sent HOME.