Is Eton Typical?

[Alfalfaromeo]

Hello all,

Asking about the school itself rather than pupils and how they turn out as I see Eton is very Marmite in terms of how it’s perceived and whether an Eton education is a positive these days.

Son has been offered a place but has other options too. I was all set for Eton but heard from two parents socially who have sons there right now in second and third years there that Eton is hard work for a parent. I realise it’s the education that counts but I don’t want to end up fighting over every thing as they both seem to have done. Every time they had even the slightest issue, they claim the school was inflexible, didn’t consider their situation and was simply stuck in a time warp.

Both said housemasters and dames were very good (different ones in both cases) but all other dealings were painful from emails not answered, finance dept being difficult, tutors not even doing their job and school refusing to change them, etc etc. I won’t go on but the feeling they both described was an arrogance and unwillingness to adapt and consider their situation.

im asking on this forum as I don’t know how typical their experience was and of course how typical that was of all public schools these days. We had no such issues with our son’s prep school and felt very welcome and considered and issues were resolved really well, so white shocked to hear what we heard about Eton.

Thanks in advance for all details and honest opinions which will be really helpful.

Without knowing the details of the situations, and the school’s side of the stories, it’s hard to tell.

In general though, Eton is a very professional outfit and the vast majority of staff are at the top of their game. What they are describing sounds less likely at Eton than most other schools, although not impossible.

Remember also that some parents are very hard work for a school.

Yes, I know it’s hard with not much detail but it was an overall feeling I was after. A bit more detail might help:

• tutor issues described to me - apparently “tutors” don’t deal woth academic issues and jsut the pastoral side, my friend was told when she asked why there was no contact and was told to address all concerns to housemaster, then son complained tutor never even turned up but school refused to believe son or her and make changes.
• communication described by her as very bad as emails are regularly ignored and no one likes to speak on the phone, you have to go in to find people, internet so slow can’t talk to son on WhatsApp even and often breaks: doesn’t even block gaming in classroom either.

in above cases, apparently attitude was one of nonchalance and it is what it is. Take it or leave it. We are Eton and we don’t change for anyone! lol Again, house asters are great and saved the day and seems everything is done by them and through them. Wonder why tutors even exist then?

Tutors are a hangover from the old days when wealthy boys (living in lodging houses rather than in College) used to bring their own private tutors to Eton to help them cope with the work. Essentially a back-up. These days the people who run the boarding houses are teachers themselves, not entrepreneurial home-owners, so in a way tutors have become even less important than they were.

It doesn’t sound like the tutor in this case was any good, but in the general scheme of things it probably doesn’t matter too much, so long as the housemaster is on the ball, and it sounds like he is.

In terms of emails, it’s hard to know without knowing the details… it could depend on how many emails a parent is sending and when, and what the content is. Or it could be that the addressee is just crap...

Take it or leave it. We are Eton and we don’t change for anyone! lol

To an extent, yes, this is how they operate. It’s not all bad, by any means, but there’s a vast population of staff and it rather depends on the particular combination of HM, Dame and Tutor you end up with. If any one of those is severely useless or actively obstructive it can make a parent’s relationship with the other two a bit tricky if you often have reason to complain. It’s certainly true that being an Eton parent can become pretty much a full time job (even when things are going well). If something goes wrong you might find yourself shuttling hither and thither, with formerly trusted allies amongst the staff closing ranks.

Some might say the less said about the current leadership the better - I couldn’t possibly comment.

Essentially, it would be sensible not to sign up for five years unless you’re broadly sure your values align with the ambitions of each member of staff who will have some care of your son. The difficulty is that you can’t always know this at the start.

Aside from all that, it is highly likely your son will have an absolutely glorious time for at least most of his time there.

(Can’t comment on other comparable independent schools this century. Prep was entirely lovely though.)

DS left 5 years ago so I cannot speak with complete authority, but I don’t recognise any of this at all. There was one set of parents in DS’s house and year who were constantly complaining, but the problem was with them not the school. I guess only you can judge how to weigh the value of your friends’ comments, and whether they are concerned at real issues or demanding and indulgent parents who rush in every time their little darling complains about something.

It was not hard work for us as parents, we hardly needed to contact the school at all but on the few occasions a problem arose there was never any difficulty at all in contacting the right person (usually HM or M’Dame) and getting things sorted.

Cards on table, I don’t like Henderson and think he’s a terrible head and terrible for the school but even under him I cannot believe that a boy’s personal tutor would simply ‘not turn up’ and unless standards have really plummeted that just wouldn’t happen. Sounds more like boy screwed up and is trying to blame someone else.

Its not perfect but still a brilliant school, mainly because boys do have to learn how to cope with some ups, downs and some quite difficult people on occasions.

Glad to see we agree on the leadership issue, @TonTonMacoute …

I acknowledge that experiences can vary. Ours was pretty stress free until a change of House Master coincided with a problem that needed more skilful handling. It’s true that ideally the Tutor shouldn’t be crucial - but it might be nice if they added more value than just end of term pizza outings. I can say emails were invariably answered promptly by all relevant members of staff.

@Alfalfaromeo I could list a million large and small irritations and disappointments. But the truth is we’ve been in awe of the capabilities a boy can develop there - I’m not sure that can be exactly replicated at any other school.

Thanks for all the great comments. Very helpful.

i phoned my friend again for specific details re the tutor issue because that is bothering me. Seems the other points aren’t so important after all but notwithstanding the fact it seems that tutors are almost unnecessary at Eton, i wanted to know the full facts.

Here is what I was told: since day 1 the tutor hasn’t been very good. Apparently two tutors cover all the boys in each year one one house. Her son was allocated the worse of the two as is generally known by the boys but she didn’t know that at the outset. The tutor had a couple of video calls at her request as the housemaster suggested it was better than email or visit. Tutor was unprepared and didn’t even have the reports from the teachers. This happened twice. She asked HM and he said he’d make sure all ok - said g9 via him. I’m the end she gave up trying to contact fhe tutor as HM said he was happy to do it all. School doesn’t change tutors, he said. Only once in three terms did tutor take boys out and most often than not tutor didn’t give commet cards. Other tutor was totally different and regularly saw boys, took them out and gave all reports / cards etc. She asked again to change and was told no. Finally she learned tutor didn’t turn up for a meeting and gave no notice, then asked boys to meet early on last day and then didn’t have time, shouted wt boys and said they were late when he was. Her son was very upset after saying nothing about the lack of care previously and finally spoke out to her telling the whole story from his side. She asked the HM and school and there started a long battle to change tutor which still hasn’t been resolved. She said fhe response every time was that tutor was well regarded and was doing a good job. My friend is honest as his her son, so makes me wonder why such reluctance to change, and for her she said, it’s typical fo every comment from eton. “We don’t do things like that”, which she said is fine but not when they aren’t doing things properly. Other boys don’t want to come,Ian about the tutor as they like the free time from him doing nothing. Her son takes things more seriously and wants a real tutor.

i come back to my original post. Is this at Eton thing, or would other public schools be so protective of their staff / modus operandi?

Does your 'friend' know that you are posting this on a public forum
Very identifiable for anyone involved

Yes of course and not an issue.

I think they are struggling to staff themselves, as are basically most schools in the UK. They are often in local universities trying to head hunt students to drop studying and come and take on teaching roles, but it isn't very successful, from what I can see. Of course they are independent, so don't need to use qualified staff, so have a wider pool to entice applicants from. Still seems to be an issue though.

Hmm, maybe they are struggling to find good personal tutors, IMO probably directly related to the claims of how SH has totally undermined the morale of so many fantastic staff. There's a feeling that the arrival of the new provost will hasten Trendy Hendy on his way - I hope so.

It must be frustrating not to receive a satisfactory response to concerns, but I suspect Eton has never been the type of school to spend too much time pandering to parental input, it's up to the boys and school to sort things out between themselves. There is so much going on in the school, and there is plenty to get involved with, that frankly there is no excuse for an interested boy to be sitting around twiddling his thumbs just because he has a hopeless tutor.

DS had a brilliant tutor for F, E and D block (WSK, who was so appalling treated by SH) but regretted his choice of senior tutor, and apparently some friends had pretty hopeless tutors too. It's only one evening a week, and in the whole scheme things I would not allow this to change my decision to send my DS there.

@TonTonMacoute My DS has also been offered a conditional place at Eton. Can I ask what are the issues surrounding the headmaster? We also have a place at Winchester but we are unlikely to choose it over Eton.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Will PM you

Thank you @TonTonMacoute

Did you get an offer from Winchester for 2026 already? We were told they were not coming until May

No @CoralCat , my DS is a 2025 entrant.

That doesn’t sound right - I don’t know any schools who encourage students to drop out of uni to teach. For one thing, while a PGCE is not essential to teach in an independent school, a degree definitely is.

well, some of the people approached are post grad, but I don't think they all are

Post grad would make more sense. A lot of post grads get disillusioned with academia and want to do something with more immediate impact. Nothing wrong with fishing in that talent pool to get brilliantly clever people who know their subject back to front. But trying to persuade undergrads to drop out of their degrees makes no sense at all. Eton doesn’t need to do it and there would be no point.

Hello @TonTonMacoute:

My DS has also been offered a conditional place for Sept 2026 in the current round. I have read the debates about the head I could find online, but would appreciate anything you were willing to share via PM.

@HampsteadAcademic

have PMd you too !

Thank you!

The “issues” not unique to Eton … tutors, aren’t “tutors” as in one-to-one tuition.

They are two different schools for two different types of boy and two different educational objectives and it’s quite important to be clear on which you are looking for for your DS . Ultimately I think that’s a bigger consideration than a Head - who really will have very little interaction with your DS.