Tonbridge/Eton/Harrow

[mumofboys323]

Hi all,
If your child managed to get into all of these schools, which one would you choose?

They are all good schools.

I’d chose the one that fitted my child best.

Harrow. Eton may be an amazing school but the uniform is ludicrous. Tonbridge has had too much violent bullying for too long in my opinion.

Thank you for confirming. I did not hear of the bullying. Is this a one off event or something the school can’t get on top of?

Thanks for replying. How do you understand if the school is the best fit @theduchessofspork ? As between these schools apart from distance they are to my knowledge traditional boy boarding school. It seems to me that Tonbridge is the top academically and then Harrow would that be fair?

Eton and Tonbridge are much of a muchness for A level results with around 80% getting A or A-star. However Eton is 60% larger than Tonbridge and has a wider intake of ability - you can draw your own conclusions on that given they have broadly similar A-level results.

Harrow not in the same league academically with around 2/3 getting A and A-star at A-level, but that doesn't mean it's not the right school for the right boy who perhaps doesn't want the same academic pressure or would prefer to be at the top range of the school. There's a lot of evidence to show that it's better to be a "big fish in a smaller pond" in that you get more input from teachers, more opportunties, and a boost to your confidence being in the top quartile of the class, assuming it's a good all-round school. Just depends on your kid and if they're going to get bored and frustrated, or energised and competitive.

I think the only way to see if the school is best fit is to visit and speak to the students who show you around. If you are at prep school in the UK speak to your head and ask about the other boys from your prep who have gone to these schools and what their experience has been.

Sadly I can confirm the bullying issues. Plenty of policies and procedures but NO enforcement! Quite sad! Why can’t they address the issues?

If your son has got offers from all three then he’d probably be the sort to do well at any of them.
all great schools but more and more. I personally can’t help thinking that Eton and to a lesser extent Harrow are possibly becoming crosses to bear because of the way general uk society has developed inverse snobbery. Tonbridge not an issue because few outside of the home counties have really heard of it.
That said given you’ve applied to E and H then presumably the indelible tattoo that leaves on your child’s CV is not off putting to you, far from it - and of course in certain social (and business?) fields it can be advantageous.

is there a difference in boarding life. (I presume T must be a boarding school.) Does one offer better exeats that suit your family than others.
what about sport. No idea if T is good at sport but H and E are very strong. H at rugby. E has a strong football focus but performs well at all sports. If you have an average A team player then your child may not make the A teams at these schools. Does that bother you?
I am sure a bright boy will do well academically at any of these schools no matter what the exam stats are (which are to a large extent merely a reflection of the academic threshold at entry at 13+).

Does your son have a preference?

At the end of the day day it’s very fine margins between all 3 schools and I’m not sure how you fit a cigarette paper between any of them!

Tonbridge is currently the best out of them in term of sports and academic. It is lesser known but the school is a lot of more progressive than Eton and Harrow.

It depends how you want your son to turn out to be. Eton and Harrow will teach your son to think they are the best while Tonbridge will teach your son to be more humble and focus on the current world.

I would choose Tonbridge since I think we should focus more on the future rather than the past. But if your son is natural born leader Harrow and Eton possible suit them better ( Harrow is possibly more of a laddish school than Eton so they are less academic and rougher). Tonbridge suits much better for pacifist.

I would say Eton or Harrow. Have you considered Radley if you're looking at all-boys full-boarding? I think it's a really lovely school.

Tonbridge - I've heard good and bad reports about the boys there, eg one shopkeeper told me they were always charming and polite, the mum of a boy who went there said he became an overprivileged d**k. I've been actively seeking opinions of all the schools, and its the only one where I've had negative responses. Another thing I heard from a mum was that there are a lot of wealthy children from London who like to show off their latest expensive electronics, boast about their possessions etc. If you are not one for giving your children these type of gifts on demand, they might feel very left out.

However, that said, the boy/young man who showed us around was perfectly nice. Talkative, informative, didn't seem overly privileged. He seemed to be enjoying it there and was sad to be leaving. Academically it speaks for itself, they had a very impressive number of all A/A* A-level results this year and the boys work really hard. Some of their facilities are fantastic, the science labs and D&T really made an impression.

I have heard the mutterings about Tonbridge and bullying. I don't know the specifics but you can glean some information by searching on Mumsnet, and the comments seem real. When I tried to address the concern directly at an open day, I was shut down and asked to speak to them in private. Their first question was 'Has your son been bullied?'. No, but that's not the point of the question...I don't want him to be bullied, clearly! I was given a spiel about their bullying policies but I wasn't very taken by their response compared to the very specific responses from other schools when I asked the same question. Radley for example, responded very well ( it's known for its excellent pastoral care).

Another thing I found unusual about Tonbridge was on visiting one of the boarding houses. I have visited 6 boarding schools so far, and it was the only boarding house where the bedrooms were an absolute mess! Underwear flung across the room, drawers open and clothes half hanging out, dirty mugs etc. Several of the parents on the tour commented on it. I imagine this is down to the ethos of the particular house master and matron, and we did only visit one house, but considering the bedrooms at the other schools have been either only a little messy or very tidy it did stick in my mind. At the other schools there were sometimes unmade beds, shoes strewn about etc but on the whole pretty good. I know it has nothing to do with the teaching, but I still wonder why those rooms were allowed to be such a tip.

I would choose Tonbridge. Well, I chose Tonbridge as I have a DS there. One of the reasons I prefer Tonbridge is the flexi boarding, I didn't really want full boarding. I love the fact that my son comes home every weekend (bar first weekend every term). I also like the fact Tonbridge encourages the boys to be quietly confident not cocky, the boys are well behaved, academics is outstanding, lots and lots of opportunities for boys both co-curricular and super-curricular.

Excellent summary and does give a very real sense of the school and how students are managed (or not). Even more telling is the answer to the bullying question. Lots of behaviour still happening there that defies any sense of discipline and more importantly how it is handled or covered up! Undeniably the academic results provide cover and confidence (arrogance?) to the existing leadership team and up to the board of governors in not addressing the ongoing behavioural (bullying) issues prevalent at the school. Further the ISI reports do beggar belief especially post numerous events of the last few years. #Tonbridge #bullying

Tonbridge. I think it's just more academic in all. I hear the bullying concerns, but it's not too concerning for me.