What value do you get with a boarding school?

[25Green]

With boarding fees being more or less double off a good day school. What do you get at boarding (except for the boarding obviously) for the extra money?

We have a very good day school on our doorstep but DS may want to go boarding. Just trying to figure out if it’s worth the financial pressure!!

It doesn’t matter what other families value in having a child board - you need to be clear about what it would add to your child’s life, and to you as a family.

I would say it’s generally a good sign when the child themselves is driving the interest in boarding. If your son wants to board - what is he hoping for?

Most DC only want to board at their local school when they're bored at home and want to hang out with their friends who are boarding

There's no point other than that if the school in on your doorstep

I don’t think the OP is saying he wants to board at the local school - as that is a day school.

Presumably it’s another school that her son is interested in?

Or just the idea of boarding, with no specific place in mind?

Oh ok

I read it as he goes to a day school with boarding and now wants to board there

My daughter transferred halfway through GCSEs from a day school to boarding. Long story. Net result academically - A*,A,B,B a levels for someone who’s not swotty. Not bragging but that’s the facts. As a parent it was hard to take at first her being away albeit only an hour but it really prepared her for university life and she told me recently that it’s like having a sleepover with your best mate every night. She enjoyed it.

Our son is 10 and we would be looking at boarding from 13.

He is currently at a prep school and happy.

I think he likes the idea of boarding but with such an excellent day school on the doorstep I find it hard to know what he would get out off boarding that he would not get out off a very academic day school.

According to adult DS who boarded from 14 to 19 the best part was not having to empty and fill the dishwasher or hoover his room 🙄. He also made some really great friends.

I have two relatives who boarded/are boarding and for them, the right school was the important bit. None of their day schools gave them what this particular school has given them (extracurricular). I do think in their case it gave a respite from family conflict too. One has really close friends for the first time ever.

I'm a single working mum, and the boarding option is a massive benefit to me. If I need to travel for work, I can book ds into the boarding house for a night ot two. I needed surgery, and booked him in while I was in hospital. Occasional boarding is brilliant.

And generally if I get stuck on a closed motorway or a broken down train, I can ring the school, and he goes to the boarding house for his tea, and I pick him up later. They don't bat an eyelid. I honestly don't know how I would have coped without them.

As an only child, it is also good for ds to have to muck in and get on with a house full occasionally. Good for independence.

Now ds has applied to a state sixth form college which I cannot get him to each morning (no public transport), but they also have a boarding house and that may be a possibility.

You could suggest your son attends as a day pupil but does one night a week if he wants to try, as a compromise. Use it as a date night or for work.

In our case opportunities, confidence and independence that I’m 99% sure he wouldn’t have got at our local (very academic) day school. Many of the same opportunities are available, but he wouldn’t have taken them because he’d have preferred to come home and watch tv/game. His boarding school is at the end of the sliding scale of independence-encouraging / opportunity to do anything you want though. Most are much more hand-holding. His GCSE results were also quite a degree better than his peers at his prep school who were at the same level then but went to the day school. But that’s not the same for everyone at his school- it’s just that the teaching / learning style and level of expectation worked for him.
in short, it’s about the right school for right child, but boarding school has 15 or so hours a day to impart what it does best; day school only gets 7/8 hours a day.

Boarding was great for my DD. Her brother is four years older so they weren't close. Sadly the school wasn't for her but the boarding bit made her independent and it was easier at uni for her to settle.

Ah - so what does his prep school say, @25Green? Where do they think he would thrive best?

And is he attracted to the idea because some of his friends / peers are applying to boarding school?

Where are you in the process? (I’m a bit out of that loop now - time was, Eton pre-test results came out in December for the older 10 year olds.)

I'm all for early independence in practical things. But early independence is often another word for instilling emotional detachment. It's absolutely fine for kids to be dependent on their parents- they're supposed to be.

I find it hard to know what he would get out off boarding that he would not get out off a very academic day school

School is about more than academia though, it’s about developing the whole person. Good boarding schools have a host of opportunities available out of school hours, plus the opportunity to live in a community of peers. I’m not in favour of boarding for small kids, but for some teenagers it can be great.

This is not to say you should bankrupt yourself to do it, but that’s why he wants to. Is there a school near by that offers flexi boarding? That might be a way forward, or for him to board in 6th form. But if it’s not affordable, it’s not.

He’ll be 13 though. That’s not to say boarding school is right for all teens - it isn’t, but if you don’t have a strong and established relationship with your parents by then, you probably aren’t going to.

Plus teens are very peer focused, and they are biologically programmed to want to establish themselves away from their family - so boarding school can allow them the right amount of independence. It’s not the same as boarding at 8.

Fabulous if you have a home life that isn’t child friendly for whatever reason, otherwise I would say there are no advantages that outweigh living at home.

Boarding on the doorstep is ideal. They can sleep in when they want and it's always the child's choice to do so. They can stop doing it when they are tired at the end of term or do extra if there is something good going on in school.

We live <5minute walk from DS's school. He loved doing the occasional night at the prep- he just saw it as a sleepover with friends. He's gone up to the senior school this year and hasn't boarded yet, although he's just starting to talk about it. There is no pressure, he can just do it when/if he is ready.

Full boarding is a different kettle of fish and only right for a very small minority of children (DH loved it so I do know it works for some).

@theduchessofspork My view is that the early to mid teens is the time that kids most need the support of parents-they are often very peer focussed as you say, which is why home influence is vital. (Assuming that the home influence is benign, of course.)

DD boarding from 11. In addition to the school being exceptional academically, boarding has made it possible for her to be active in a range of sports and clubs far beyond what she would have been able to do at home. Everything being in one place means no travel time, she finds school life far more exciting than watching TV in house and they don’t spend much time on their phones (since they’re literally next to their friends 24/7). As a result she has signed up for everything from squash and golf to debating and film clubs, filling every hour of the day with whatever she finds exciting and interesting.

It’s hard as a parent to let go, and certainly hard when she can barely find time to call home. But we have her home for long weekends and very long holidays and the girl that comes home is a much more mature, interesting and well-rounded girl than the one who left.

@DornfordYates "But we have her home for long weekends and very long holidays and the girl that comes home is a much more mature, interesting and well-rounded girl than the one who left."

Personally, I would want to be part of the process that makes her more mature and interesting....

This was my experience ... as the boarder! Pretty much unlimited access to sports/music / other activities because of the facilities and the time spent there. Very close friendships - my 3 best friends from boarding school are still my 3 best friends 30 (gulp) years later! It's not for everyone but for those it suits it can be brilliant.

@Gruelle his current prep have said he would good at boarding, he has done the ISEB test and has further assessments and interviews at the 2 boarding schools. I always wonder if the prep schools recommend applying for certain boarding schools as it looks good for them! Maybe that’s me overthinking. 😂

@WASZPy it would be full boarding no boarding schools that are good on the doorstep unfortunately!

@CurlewKate i agree we would want to be part of that process but also understand that we do not want too cramp our DS development and potential by being to over powering. Some children need to spread their wings earlier in life than others!

@DornfordYates this is what I’m told more and more it’s the development out of the class that seems to be the big difference between a day school & boarding! However, is that worth the extra money, who knows?

thank you all for your responses! Think we will continue on the road we are on and see where it takes us. 🤞

Long answer: I boarded in the states from 11 (my choice) and it was absolutely the best option for me. My DC will board in the UK or stick with day schools depending on what seems to fit each.

I'll agree with others that I was far more involved in a much wider variety of sports & co-curriculars than I would have been at home because there were a wider variety of activities offered at no extra cost, an expectation everyone stayed busy and involved, and transportation time and costs were eliminated.

Socially, I found boarding beneficial as a kid who was often sort of on the fringes of groups growing up. Being together so much made for close relationships and made cliques less of a thing. It fostered independence for a lot of the little daily things (like keeping track of where I was supposed to be when with which of my belongings) but also a lot of interdependence and communication with both peers and adults. I remember going off to university and being fairly shocked by other first years not being used to seeking out help from professors or other "adults" themselves, not proactively addressing potential problems or obtaining info to plan appropriately, and often seeming oblivious to roommates' comfort/needs or how to resolve conflict with them.

Academically, I had more structure with less struggle/fuss than I would have at home. Having set, mandatory hours for supervised study (with the level of supervision progressively decreasing by year as long as marks were good) was just the norm, not something that felt like I was being micromanaged by parents or punished. Bedtimes were relatively early (again, it was the norm for everyone around me) so I got better sleep than a lot of teens. Help from teachers and tutors was easy to access so private tutoring was nonexistent. We had Saturday classes at my school and long lunch periods so each day had less lesson time spread out more, which worked better for me than the standard day school schedule back home.

I know your question was primarily about value, but I don't know how to put a number on most of it. That's like so many decisions we make for our kids, I suppose - right now my youngest desperately wants to switch art classes to one that's about 1.25x the price and I have no idea how to put a number on the value added to know if the cost makes sense.

I remember going off to university and being fairly shocked by other first years not being used to seeking out help from professors or other "adults" themselves, not proactively addressing potential problems or obtaining info to plan appropriately, and often seeming oblivious to roommates' comfort/needs or how to resolve conflict with them.

Different (UK) context but this is very similar to observations being made by our current undergrad. Senior boarding school life involved housemates rather than room mates, but they learned an extraordinary amount through the years of navigating (a fairly robust and competitive) communal life. We are all really seeing not unanticipated but very sharply drawn benefits to them now they’re at university. (I am obviously not saying that no day school pupils thrive at uni - that would be ridiculous. And I can’t comment on the experiences of previous boarders from other schools.)

@25Green If you can’t identify any specific need that boarding will meet - for your child (and family) then it might not be worth it, nor even the best choice for them. I don’t mean ‘need’ in a negative sense … For us, we walked into a school and could see our child there and could also see all the things (opportunities, environment, space, freedom, proximity to friends) we would never be able to replicate at home. If you’re not seeing anything extra, anything that would vastly improve their quality of life over their school years, compared to a local day school, and you’re questioning your prep’s motives in suggesting boarding, then there’s possibly no real point.

But if you’re also looking at day schools I guess there’s no harm in pursuing both options, at this stage. It would be helpful if your son could articulate exactly what he perceives to be the potential benefits. You don’t say that he currently boards - it’s absolutely not a pre-requisite and obviously fewer and fewer children board at prep school now - but it’s easier to be clear-eyed about boarding if you’ve already done it.