Should I go down the complaints route?

[wanttoleavesooner]

Trying not to go into too much detail as the situation is quite specific, but ultimately we have given notice to leave after a situation in the boarding house meant boarding is impossible where DC is at. There were physical and verbal threats, self harm in front of my DC, invasion of privacy, using tech to access and show porn and a general lack of care to all boarders by the matron that allowed (and still does) this to continue unnoticed. I took DC out immediately after an incident which was minimised by the school Head and Pastoral and we have been trying to juggle living closer to the school to keep DC there. I've had to change my work and our living standards have dropped considerably. At the time I didn't complete any complaints procedures and was largely worried with the mental health of the children involved, which was again minimised - the student is still boarding and their family are unaware as they live abroad. They've put a new boarder in this person's dorm, which terrifies me also. DC has also reported that since the incident they have been left out of celebrations - multiple certificates won not given in assembly and has been demoted from a sports A team to B, which they have now chosen to stop participating in. It has caused anxiety (which I've had to pay for therapy for - school didn't offer for my DC or any others involved) and DC has to see this person daily.
DC has been accepted to another school where they can board. Head at current school has said we have to wait until April to leave (I understand T&C I signed). My question is, given everything that has gone on, would I be wise to now complete a complaints form for this even from a term ago and hope this enables DC to leave sooner? We just want our lives back to where they were and feel as though we are being somehow punished for the school's lack of action.

I think that you need to be very careful about how you word things.
At the moment you are saying - because you won't give me a reduction in fees, I am going to report you.
That sounds as if you are reporting in order to be let off the fees.

Word it more like - I am withdrawing ds from Friday XX due to the safeguarding issues at the school and your failure to address them.
I have therefore cancelled my direct debit and will not be paying any further fees.

Don't get into a discussion with them. I would go back to the solicitor and ask if you have a case to refuse fees due to breach of contract. With the school, just repeat the same sentence. You are in breach of your duty of care and therefire I have had to remove ds. As this is your failure, I will not pay any fees.

I would also just remove ds from school. It would be better for him, and also for your complaint.
But do ask the new school if they can help, they might, and that is between you and them, nothing to do with the old school.

Well, LADO came back to me today, not good news - apparently the harm threshold has not been met. When I asked why considering there was sexual abuse by a minor, threats to life, viewing of pornography by minors, invasion of privacy, emotional abuse and clear neglect from the housemistress which enabled these events, I got :
"I have discussed your concerns that you noted in your referral with the school and have reached a decision based on the holistic review of all information received."

I am at a loss to know how any child would be able to meet this threshold, short of actually videoing the attack. They haven't asked the other 5 DC involved, or the Junior Housemistress who left just after the attack, just spoken to the school and decided that is "holistic". Very depressing day. I hope at least the report is kept on file as little has changed in the boarding house to make me feel it is safe or that the DC who attacked is getting the support they need in order to not do similar again.

Anyway, proceeding with the complaints via the school with the solicitor now.

@steppemum well, I've instigated the LADO because I genuinely feel the DC are not safe and the school are now investigating it as a complaint. At least that way it has to go on file so if similar happens again they cannot say they did not have warning. My reason for leaving is what has arisen since the attack and how my DC has been treated in the aftermath.

I believe you, sorry if my post wasn't clear.

What I meant was be careful how you phrase it to the school, so they don't try and dismiss due to it being connected to fees

I didn't mean to sound snippy! Was very tired yesterday as not sleeping well due to the stress.

My email to the school only mentioned the LADO to remind (well, I was fairly sure the Governers and Trustees had been kept in the dark about it) the school of what my DC has been through this year, culminating in wanting to leave. I explained other issues that have arisen since but yes, they seem to be focusing back on that. I think the solicitor will refocus them on the failings since, as although my letter was clear, they seem to have chosen to focus on the attack rather than the recent events. I suspect this is because they spent so much time hiding what had happened they feel their story is water-tight. I feel it is harder for them to defend the multiple ways they have broken my DC's trust and confidence since then.

As I suspected the school is now saying the time to investigate the attack internally via complaints has passed. Someone said safeguarding has no time limit...apparently it does at this school!

ISI have said the attack needs to be dealt with via complaints (they don't want to know) so as "the time has passed" presumably they feel it's not in their remit now. Will bear this in mind next time I see one of their "excellent" schools.

LADO have said the housemistress isn't culpable of negligence and, of course, my solicitor has covid.

It's all just a big game to all of these institutions, isn't it? The kids at the middle of it all completely forgotten, no help given and who cares if it happens again? Extremely depressing that two good kids have been forced out through no fault of their own and an unsuspecting one put into this troubled DC's dorm. Let's just hope they really are giving the child the help they need, because if next time they manage to catch someone, it won't be so easy to cover up.

Sorry but to clarify - the LADO is talking nonsense! They can, and must, intervene. I’m currently a Head of an independent school and we work every bit as closely with our LADO as colleagues in the maintained sector. I am really concerned that you were given this as a response.

@SeasideRock I don't know what to tell you - I filled out the form and they said they'd "taken a holistic view" after talking to the Head. I was shocked too and certainly find it very concerning that this whole incident has been all but forgotten. I was more surprised they didn't even contact any of the other children involved or speak to the Housemistress.

As an update we have now managed to leave the school and DC are starting elsewhere this term - thank you all for your support and advice, it was invaluable to me even if there were zero 'lessons learnt' by the school or child in question. I feel very much relieved.

I'm so glad to read that you've left and that things have improved for you and your children @SeasideRock 👍 The school sounded appalling 😳

Oops sorry - I meant that for @wanttoleavesooner 🙄

Yes, it was a shocking experience. If anyone ever goes through similar (and let's hope that never happens!) I hope this thread helps in some way. Do the school complaints procedure but also get legal assistance. I had a bad few months with my friend dying, but the situation was very hard to deal with on it's own and support from an expert will always be invaluable, especially when you feel at times you are being portrayed as "hysterical" for emailing concerns! If the school minimises any major safeguarding issue, alarm bells should be rung. DC who it happened to is now thriving and much happier, as am I.

Thanks again for the help on here.

@wanttoleavesooner My DS is having a very difficult time at school, things have escalated since he went back on Sunday. The housemaster is trying to gaslight him ( and us). Would it be ok if I sent you a pm?

I don't know if I can help with specific cases other than reiterate that a solicitor is the best use of money - I think I spent £800 all in and saved around £12k. If in doubt, get real legal advice on if there is an issue in the eyes of the law.

Obviously am happy to give support but I don't want to suggest I can give advice, as that's what I came here for!

Thank you @wanttoleavesooner I will take that advice. I'm very worried about trying to take on such a powerful institution, I will seek advice and take it from there. I'm so pleased that you can now move on.