Boarding school and ADHD

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My DS is due to go to boarding school aged 14, year 9 this coming September.

He is very bright, extremely sporty and generally well liked. He is very very much looking forward to starting.

He has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I have known about 10 years but took some time to persuade my husband (now ex). We are here now and explains so much. He is chronically and catastrophically disorganised. He is very poor at time management. He loses / forgets pretty much anything that isn’t important to him, and even then… he will probably lose!

The boarding school is very sporty and has a fabulous SEN department and there are many children that attend that are ND. Apparently the boarding schools are very supportive of ND children.

The school is an hour away. Flexi boarding, so he can come home every weekend if he wished but… I know my boy. Not. A. Chance. He will want to stay a couple of weekends a month, at least but will be a max of 1x a month if I have anything to do with it!

He is so excited, presently he lives with me and my daughter in a lovely flat but… but not big. And he’s going to be a strapping boy of at least 6ft in the not too distant future I suspect.

So in terms of his character and circumstances and desire…. The boarding school is a no brainer.

however I would love to hear from those with adhd or who have children with adhd and at boarding school… how do they get on?

it is the organisation issue that keeps me up at night. He will be responsible for taking and collecting laundry at prescribed times, organising his books and folders (it campus style), sharing a bedroom with other boys and expected to keep very tidy and organised.

At present, I keep him afloat. Just about.

Aged 13 btw

I think this is his opportunity to find routines that work for him and to learn to be able to organise himself for his future. It’s great that his school is so supportive and they should work with him to do this.

I have ADHD and whilst it’s chaos in my head, I have my methods that I have had to hone over the years to keep me afloat and most people will tell you that I come across as relatively organised and on top of things (they don’t see the exhaustion and stress that goes on underneath) but I am very glad that I have learnt to do this.

You say they have a good SEN department.

Presumably that extends into the pastoral side of boarding? In which case you need to be discussing with them how he will be supported to be as organised as he needs to be.

What are their rules on phones? If he has to do things at set times each week, perhaps he could be supported to set up banks of reminders on his phone.

Also, label absolutely everything so it has a chance of coming back to him.

Ask for SEN dept to review his folders weekly until he can organise them himself.

Thanks so much

he will shortly be going on meds and I hope that will have stabilised by time he starts

im trying to build in more independence now but bloomin hard!

With my disorganised dyspraxic DD (not boarding) we did

• everything has a place and it always goes there
• never expect to remeber h/w, messages etc. always write them down.
• checklists
• phone reminders.
• PLUS you never clear a reminder until you have actually DONE the thing. If you are 'going to do it in 10 mins' then set the reminder to bleep again, and only clear after it has been done. Burnt too many times with that one!

My DS went to a full boarding prep then senior school .
It was a bit of a curates egg to be honest ( he was very happy at both places by the way 🙂)
On the plus side , the rigid timetable really helped him - knowing he had to get up at a certain time, be at breakfast , lessons , prep etc really worked for him.
But organising prep etc did not always go smoothly . He often learnt by doing it ‘wrong’ .
But housemaster helped as did having the most amazing matron who really understood him and made sure he was ok ( many a debrief was had , with hot chocolate , chats and no judging.)
It didn’t always go smoothly ( but that’s the joy of ADHD , great highs with some lows ) but he made fantastic friends .
The staff overall were very good with him , SEN support amazing and any issues were dealt with very quickly .
I think being aware of what he finds difficult and making those around him aware that he finds some things tricky helped ( not in a victim way but in a ‘ this is who I am way )
My DS also needed quiet time most days when he could just decompress - luckily he always had his own study in senior school and after the first year, his own room so that helped too .
That helped him a lot when he found things a bit overwhelming .
With prep , instead of looking at final date and outcome , encourage him to
break the task down into smaller chunks that need to be done over 3/4 days . Otherwise the prep may be left until the night / hour before and be one a massive scrabble to be done within the given time . And maybe write submission date a day or two earlier than it needs to be done, so it actually gets done!
And agree with all points made by previous poster .
Encourage him to adopt the ‘ may as well ‘ approach .
I may as well as write this in my planner while I remember about it rather than doing it later.
I may as well look up this prep while I think about it .
I may as well pick up those socks from the floor when I see them etc etc.

I know this sounds simple and obvious but those with ADHD do not always find it that simple 🙂

Remarkably helpful. Thank you.

was your son o medication?

I’ve sent you a PM

My DC with significant executive dysfunction weekly boarded and it worked very well. He took a little time to settle but went in Yr 7. The structure of school really helped him and his school allowed him to go back to his boarding house in breaks / between lessons later on so if he forgot something it wasn't like leaving it at home. He still managed to lose his whole school bag and various other items but much better than the daily struggle of remembering things.

It has been a bigger challenge going on to Uni but no he is working out new systems

I wish your DS well. Weekly boarding worked well for us as a family.

I think you might be happily surprised by how effective the medication really is! My friends’s daughter started it at around 14 and said it was like wearing reading glasses for the first time and suddenly everything was simpler and clearer!

I mean to add that my DD11 takes medication and her happiness,’calmness and organisational abilities are remarkably improved.

Is your son medicated?

Would anyone mind sharing where these great boarding schools for ADHD kids are?
It's something that we're considering for my DS but struggling to find anywhere suitable

Bruern Abbey
Milton Abbey
Bede's

Thank you. We've discounted Bruern Abbey but the others sounds like interesting options

@Toffeebythesea , I know a ds with medicated adhd at Bede's, he is bright and has got on fine academically but gets into trouble as easily led astray by other dc.

@Toffeebythesea it's tough to get the right fitting school for ADHD as every child is so different. There's often dyslexia etc involved too.

Do you have a educational psychologists report? You really need one to share with schools so they can make a learning plan. It can also tell you whether a specialist school like Bruern Abbey, Moon Hall, Slindon College is needed, or if somewhere more mainstream with good support (Milton Abbey, Bede's) is suitable.

John Catt's Special Needs Guide is great to find real specialist schools, and Top School Guide has a massive step-by-step dyslexia guide for more mainstream cases.

I would so love some advice on this please as considering sending my adhd weekly boarding. He’s very keen but I’m very worried about how we will fare without the intensive parenting he requires to organise him etc.

@TJBarnesy
This is useful advice thank you. We are waiting for a private assessment which should be happening in the next few weeks. His psychiatrist suspects both ADHD and autism. High functioning with no learning difficulties and manages ok in school generally. Tricky to know where he would fit in

@Toffeebythesea If high functioning and no learning support, he might want to go somewhere academically selective, if he likes academic challenge. Schools will be most concerned about if there are any behavioural or social issues. They have all these safeguarding things for your child and the others.
Maybe speak to some education consultants whilst you wait for the ed psych report.

Just a word of caution about comments like, "I think you might be happily surprised by how effective the medication really is!" Medication IS surprisingly effective... for many people with ADHD. It's only somewhat effective for others. And for others of us (like me and my DS), it is either not effective at all or is effective but gives such unpleasant side-effects that the patient cannot continue to use it.

I only warn about such enthusiastic assurances because I had expected medication to be life-changing for me and my ADHD child and was terribly disappointed when it turned out to not help either of us at all.

So flexi boarding might well mean the school clears out a weekend apart from overseas students. My sons were fine during the week but no way were they going to stay at weekends unless they were closed weekends when no one went home.

Hi Cornemuse,
I would like to share experiences around ADHD, you pm me please?
thank you
Tinkerbell!

Hi what boarding school
is this