Deferring a place to 13+

[Frogusha]

My DD got a place in an amazing top boarding school that we all loved, she's desperate to go but it's just such a financial outlay so I'm considering sending her to a good day school and trying again at 13. Is it an insane plan? There are 6 exams at 13. Do you think it's worth asking if we can just defer her place? Their website says they prefer girls straight from their prep (i.e. not after 2 years of another senior school beforehand).

We can afford it (just about) but I just can't justify 5 years minimum double the fees of a day school. 3 years seems easier to bear. I'm not thinking about 6th form boarding as it's a girls' school and I think she might like mixed for 6th form.

Has anyone done deferring?

You need to speak to the school. Don't assume they will defer. 13+ places are way more competitive at a school that normally takes the most girls at 11+.

Also maybe take a step back and decide if this is actually realistic. If you really think you can just about afford three years than I might humbly suggest it's going to be too much of a reach. You are suggesting a lot of chopping and changing for potentially only three years at this school. What's the point? It's also a big assumption that she will go somewhere else (which is cheaper) for sixth form.

Private school fees are only going to go up, not to mention the potential of VAT being added. And boarding has a LOT of extra costs. (I estimate 5k a year extras for mine)

I think you might do your daughter a better turn by going somewhere she can have a consistent quality education throughout secondary. I don't see a huge benefit of going to a "prestigious" school for three middle years only.

Just 3 years at any school would not be worth the upheaval you are suggesting.

Think it is very unlikely they will agree. Do they do deferred 13+ or entrance tests/ce in year 8? If money is tight boarding is perhaps not a good choice for you. Fees rise well above inflation.

Last Sept I sent my DD at 11 to very competitive girls’ school (boarding), mainly because she wanted to start then but also I wanted her to integrate right from the start. If the fees are a constraint, they might be able to offer help in the form of a bursary - no harm asking. Feel free to PM me - might be the same school!

Why on earth did you not consider the cost and if you could comfortably afford it before letting her sit the exams? I find parents who did this to their dc so annoying. It's so demoralising for the dc.

@DilettanteMum what is inlcuded in your £5K extras? I've estimated ours would be about £4K - 3 instruments and uniform. Any trips abroad would be extra of course.

So our combined income is about £300K prebonus, about £150K bonus +-, all pretax. But we do have a younger DD, a 6th former DSS (both in private) and 2 DSC in uni. That's about £100k of school fees for 2 years. After 2 years it'd be about £70K for 2DD. Everyone still wants to go on holidays with us, we have a mortgage. I'm not bothered about being in a "poor boat" and we won't be exactly on bread and water, we'll still go on holiday, don't need to sell a house but will not be saving much any time soon.

@TheCatch if this was the only school she'd got in that's where she'd go for sure. Besides we were hoping for a scholarship (despite being small it'd be sort of a "sign" she'd go there) but no such luck. But as we have a couple of good top 50 indie day school options she's got into I'm weighing up costs and benefits. I'm not sure if it really is worth £150-200K extra (over day fees). We all love, love, LOVE it but there's so much we could do with those £150-200K extra.

@Frogusha pm'd you.

What if younger dd wants to do the same?

@LIZS DD2 is at a higher ranking top girls day school - wouldn't make sense for her to move, but if she wanted to move at 11 it'd be 2 sets of fees, would be as doable as 1 boarding + 2 day. I'm 99% certain she'd not want to sit 11+ and would rather stay in her allthrough school (when we were preparing for 7+ i promissed her no more exams)