Day kids at majority boarding schools, has anybody had good experiences?

[9thhilltop]

I would love to hear experiences from anybody who has done something similar with their children, did it go well, did they want to board full time, or did you end up moving?

For more context though: we live in the Dorset area and are considering the Sherborne schools (both boys and girls) and Bryanston currently for DC who would be a day student. Also considering Clayesmore, but they have a good amount day students so not too worried about boarding there.

DC currently flexi-boards two nights a week at their prep but are not ready for a full-boarding experience yet, and we live quite close to the schools. Possibly full on at 16.

We would like a school that offers some type of flexi-boarding similar to what DC already does as it would help to integrate them with the boarders while still having some home time. However, it seems the main options are all boarding or nothing.

But… from my understanding,

Bryanston gives the day children their own space and bed in the boarding houses, so they have the option to stay over for an extra charge. Even though “flexi-boarding” or weekly is not considered an option?

Sherbrone schools however only seem to give the children space in the boarding house for studying, even though on their website I found there are extra charges for overnight stays. I believe they also have slightly fewer day pupils overall.

I wouldn’t mind the long days as we are quite rural so they children would have something to do most of the week and weekends as they get older. (Start at 13)
But I am worried about the social aspect and flexibility of the school. Will children feel very left out if they can’t board or board full time? I know the bond between boarders are strong but hoping 2-3 nights a week might help bridge that gap. Also worried the school which may not allow children to stay only a few nights too. Does anyone have any experience with these schools in particular?

I think day students that are given a spare bed in a dorm for occasional sleeping and where they are integrated well with the boarders settle in well.

If day students are kept very separate and there aren’t many of them, they may feel more like outsiders and that could cause a problem.

Depends on the numbers really.

Expected more replies here!

In my experience, if a child is happy at a majority boarding school - thriving in lessons, strong friendship group, enjoying the environment - they will want to board in exactly the way the majority do.

Friendships are so intense at that age and unless the day pupil is at school from breakfast until almost bed-time there will inevitably be things going on amongst the boarders that they miss out on. Prompting emotions ranging from insecurity to resentment …

But I’m afraid I don’t know those schools in particular, so can’t really help.

@Decisions23 Yes, that’s what I’m thinking, it seems like they would be able to stay whenever they need to at an extra charge, but the way it’s phrased on the website is slightly confusing. Will reach out to the school soon too.

@Aixellency Very good point, that’s what I’m worried about. At the moment DC has expressed that they don’t want to full board, only flexi (as they do now), I’m sure this will change in time but I remember not wanting to board until 16 either so it makes sense. A bit glad honestly as full boarding would change things at home and I’d miss them more. I’m expecting shorter days at first when they start around 13/14 and then eventually leading into those long nights and full boarding around 16. I hear a lot of local kids board in 6th form, so majority of day pupils might be younger? Will have to ask about that. Trying to find that balance in an environment that could eventually be great for full boarding, as well as for day pupils now!

@9thhilltop Hi, my DD is currently boarding at Bry, DS left 2 years ago. DD shares a room with a day girl. The day girl has lots of her stuff in the room and pictures up etc, it’s her space. It’s all very relaxed in the sense some weekends the girl stays in as she has a performance to take part in or an activity she wants to do. Generally she goes home at 9 pm and is back in school for first lesson. In my DD’s friendship group of 6 there is a day girl. Again it’s very casual. DD sees her for lunch but never breakfast, it’s no big deal. When I say it’s casual I mean for my DD it’s not an issue and the day girls are fully accepted, school days are very long. I don’t mean there isn’t security. Pupils have face scans at all House doors, dining hall etc etc and House mistress/master have to be informed of all absences, there is an e booking in and out system for parents to use. No idea how the financial side works. Bry has great teachers, happy to recommend it. If we weren’t happy with school I would say.

I know a dozen kids at Sherborne (both schools), it has a very different vibe, I would have thought choosing between Bry & Sherborne would be easy in the sense your family would feel comfortable in Sherborne and uncomfortable at Bry and vice versa.

You should consider Canford too, it has the most day pupils of the these three I think. Canford has or certainly had when we visited (8 years ago) a house for day pupils.

Clayesmore is less academic than the other three.

Hope this helps.

For me, this is completely unthinkable to send my child away no matter how brilliant the school is …to stay away from me. I guess my info is probably not important here but that’s probably why are you don’t get many replies! This is a very Western thing, could not understand this in my culture

@BananaCocktails What on earth do you think your opinion adds to this thread?

BananaCocktails - that's why Mumsnet introduced the Boarding Schools section to the Education board, so that only DP who want or need to consider boarding for their DC or who already have DC in boarding schools need to visit this area. The OP will get far more replies if she posts on Education or Secondary Education, but not necessarily relevant replies.

Regarding replies or lack of, only .5% of UK children attend boarding school.

My dc’s children at a school where majority board but also 250 are day. No option whatsoever for day pupils to stay overnight. Between 8am and 5pm when they day ends, it’s all fully integrated. Day pupils have their own house they go back to for breaks and lunch. Works really well. My dc have plenty of day pupil friends and see them in the holidays (for parties !) . As a parent of a boarder we actively chose against a school where day pupils have a bed they can use as it’s not nice for the boarder to have someone tip up some nights but have an empty bed others. Unsettling for the boarding child.

Canford has 30% day but no flexi boarding so possibly too far for day depending on where you live or just not what you’re looking for. They do have buses but you’d lose flexibility on timing of when they leave.

Thank you everyone for the replies!

@WestRiver This is very helpful, the flexibility and social aspect sound great considering it’s mostly boarding, seems to be what we’re looking for.

We did consider Canford but it would be too far for day, even though there would be more day pupils.

Canford is amazing for day pupils. Can’t recommend Bryanston highly enough too. Sherborne Girls actively discourage boarding and we know lots of parents who complain about the boarding provision there. Sherborne prep have very few boarders and most feel the prep school will close soon - it’s had 3 heads in under 2 years and struggles financially. Sherborne Boys is a very traditional provision and in my opinion is streets behind more forward thinking Dorset schools. In both senior Sherborne schools we felt like day pupils were treated like second class citizens. And the prep was so tatty, our decision was made easy for us.

Hi! I have day boys at Sherborne School and they love it! One has been day most of the war through (bar covid as he wouldn't have been able to mix properly otherwise). The other started boarding and loves it but decided to come home (day boy with the odd bit of boarding) for a while and loves that too. I am lucky that they can choose as we live close by. My eldest was a boarder which suited him as he was so incredibly busy. It can mean 9pm pick ups but also having your children around a lot more. It works for us and allows the children to develop in a way that works for them. I suspect my youngest will go back to board for sixth form or just before as they do have a good time. Best of luck with your decision. Shout if I can help. 😃

Hello! Bubblypig3 - do you have day children at the Sherborne Schools? I do. They are def not second class citizens! As with all in life - you get out what you put in. My boys are involved as they want to be - sometimes more than others but they have more family time as they are day so it is a balance. They often go in for the socials and activities and can board pretty much when we ask so we have been lucky. My middle son started as a day boy and they asked him to board for 3 weeks at the start which was great but he was pleased to sleep in his own bed after that.
I was surprised to read that Sherborne Girls discourage boarding - I doubt it!! It was a full boarding school. What they do have is 3 types of entry - full boarding, flexi boarding and day. If you choose the day option (the cheapest) then they don't keep a bed etc for you but they do with flexi. I hope that helps clear up your confusion.

‘This is a very Western thing, could not understand this in my culture’

its an English thing. I’m European, DP is Irish and this is not the norm in my culture. So deffo more posh U.K., English culture than even normal U.K. or European or even Western

A lot of kids in English boarding schools aren't English though. And there are Scottish and Irish boarding schools. About 0.7% of UK kids are in boarding schools but 30, 000 of them aren't British.
So boarding isn't that much of "an English thing."

To clarify, 0.7 of the school population are in boarding schools, but 30K aren't British

@9thhilltop I just received a heads up from my dc’s school that Bryanston are expanding their day offering ( my dc attend a feeder prep). You’re probably already aware but just thought I’d flag it

view.digital-hub.global/bryanston-no-bed-campaign/p/1?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=2023-03-17&utm_campaign=Bryanston+School+-+New+Day+Offering

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot more boarding schools start to do this. Very sensible.

Thank you everyone for the replies, I haven’t checked on this thread in a bit. I think we’re leaning much more towards Bryanston now for a few reasons.

The day/boarding accommodations at the Sherborne schools seem much friendlier than I had thought originally. However, they’re further from us than Bryanston as well as the fact juggling two schools versus one would make things slightly more challenging.

Its also interesting to see Bryanston is adding day places without any boarding options as the fully integrated day feature is something we really liked about the school. To me they seem very similar anyways, and honestly don’t appear as convenient as what their day places offer currently. I’m sure they’ll add more variation to the school and friends groups though which wouldn’t be bad. I think we’ll stick with the flexi day places though, that’s was a big reason we like the school.

Hello! I think that Bry might be offering straight day options as opposed to flexi as they will be cheaper and won't offer a bed or a chance to board. Sherborne Girls do this option along with flexi and full boarding. I suspect many more will offer this too. Just go with what you feel is best for your children re day/boarding and a closer distance from the school will make much easier for you if you have 2/3 to juggle which can get tricky at times! Best of luck. 😃

I would be cautious about sending a day pupil to a majority boarding school if they were going to be allocated to a house that was specific to day pupils. How on earth would they integrate? My DS is at a 50/50 day/boarding school and all day students are allocated to a boarding house where they start the day, spend time for activities/prep in the evening and form teams for inter-house competetions. They seem to be entirely integrated. Wouldn't having a specific house for day students set day and boarders apart rather than integrate them?

I see from some on this thread that it seems to work, but I would be careful.

Day pupils who head off home leaving empty desks /spaces each night is a negative influence for boarding pupils at school. So I think having day pupils having their own dedicated space is healthier for boarders.
my dc are at a school where approx 20% are day and the rest full boarding (no flexi). Day are fully integrated 8 till 5pm bearing in mind meals are taken in small boarding houses or a centralised day canteen (so everyone is going their separate ways not just day pupils).

the worst set up I have come across is one school where each house contained full, day and flexi pupils. The proper full boarders never had any idea if there would be 0,1 or 2 extra people in their dorm each night. So unsettling and as a result boarding numbers have dropped off. Boarders are not there to make day pupils feel more at home I feel. Schools cannot be all things to all people all the time. Schools are either primarily boarding or a flexi/day type of place which won’t have a bonafide boarding culture permeating the school. Such a choice of schools out there that parents and pupils can pick what suits them best.
but for families after full boarding, avoid schools offering any kind of flexi option like the plague. It’s immensely unsettling for the boarders at school.

So to be simplistic it sounds like the options are between integration and separation, and each benefits different children. I guess who it benefits also depends upon the day/boarding split.

As DS is full boarding in prep and will continue to full board at senior school, this is useful.