Tonbridge v Winchester v Cranleigh v charterhouse

[repatexpat]

I'm looking for your experience of the following schools.

I'm looking for a boarding school which offers a great education and extra curriculum activities( his cat4 and ISEB are very strong).

However my son is not of a laddish/alpha type, nor is he an introvert. Somewhere in the middle.

What are your experiences of the following schools (boarding).

All schools have pros and cons; but looking at a school with excellent pastoral care, as they will be boarding.

Winchester
Tonbridge
Charterhouse
Cranleigh

Or if you have other options...? Deadline for a lot of the schools for y9 entry is either closing or closed; but it does appear that there are opportunities to apply.

I have 2 sons at Tonbridge. They are very different children - one super sporty team sports type and very sociable; and one much more independent, quieter and has found a more niche individual sport that he is now excelling at. They have both found good friends and are doing well academically.
I've found the school to be very supportive, with pastoral care at their boarding house being very good. We have regular updates and contact with the housemaster but the matron team is particularly good at keeping an eye on them and I feel they really are looked after.

We found the pastoral care while our DS was at Winchester very poor. I suppose it does depend on what your expectations are but I doubt very much any parent would find our experience acceptable. It was appalling.

Thank you for your comments. I find it increasingly difficult to decide whether full boarding is an option for us.

Were the schools responsive, and was action then taken to resolve these issues?

Is that why weekly boarding is more favorable as the children are able to go home on weekends?

Based on educational results and teaching, from the exam results they all seem to be very high on par.

We then have to make a decision whether we should move back to England and despite our work is based abroad; to ensure our children are in a supportive learning environment and to come back home on weekends or each night.

I also like the opportunities that boarders have for after school activities -

Quite torn between the two....

I think as you have explained your situation more, that the question of whether you are based abroad, or move back to the UK, is super important when considering which boarding school.
Many boarding schools have a high proportion of day pupils, and of the boarders themselves, the majority are weekly and so the school may largely empty out over the weekend. You need to understand from each school exactly what it would be like for your child should they be staying at the weekend.
As far as Tonbridge goes it's 60pct boarding. And whilst fees are for full boarding, in reality the majority go home on a Saturday either at about 1.15 after school finishes or later in the afternoon if they have a match. They then return for call at either 7pm or 9pm on a Sunday. Boys can choose to stay or to go home.
Higher up in school more boys stay in as they are revising.
The boys that stay in are able to go to a friends house for the weekend if they have permission from the housemaster.
Cranleigh is similar in that most of the boarders are home for the weekend.

I'd reiterate that I only have positive things to say about Tonbridge, but that's just my experience and other families experiences may be different. They've been very supportive of our boys through some difficult family circumstances, and they are very happy there. Strong friendships etc and we've not come across any bullying personally, though I am sure that there are cases in all schools.
Academically they've hit their stride and are inspired by the teachers there, enjoying subjects that they hated at prep school.
There is a huge amount going on in the evenings be it subject related clubs such as rocketry or the ability to go join in whatever sports they enjoy in addition to the main term sports. My boys have a private study space in addition to their dorm and can get down time when needed. Their housemaster is very strict on phones and they are handed in overnight.

Please avoid Charterhouse if he is not an alpha type. I don’t know much about Cranleigh.

Tonbridge is a brilliant school .

Winchester is unique and my DS has a great time there but some type of kids may not enjoy it. Winchester is less empty during a weekend compare to Tonbridge. Both Tonbridge and Winchester are very house centric so how well your DS is going to thrive is really depend on the house and year group, if the housemaster is good then you are half way there.

I’m afraid I’d also say that Winchester’s pastoral care could be greatly improved and is worth asking about. I have a dd at another top boarding school and the pastoral is miles better. Winchester jumps through a lot of hoops but I’m not always convinced their heart is in it.

My DS is at Winchester and we’re find the pastoral care poor, it may be that we are unlucky with our house but we signed up to Winchester and they choose the housemaster and staff, it’s very disappointing tbh. We have decided to look elsewhere for 6th form but are unsure where to start. We won’t take a risk with another boarding school. They take very little interest in DS in any way, I have no idea what we are paying for but we’re stuck until he sits GCSE’s next year.

My experience is a long time ago but I'd say Winchester almost prides itself on a lack of pastoral care. It is a sink or swim environment and those that don't crack on get left to sink. There was a complete lack of oversight of the boys. It's seen as character building.

A school that prides itself on lack of pastoral care in 2023 , it’s shocking when they have 13 year old boys in their care. It has not changed @BumbleNova .

Palo3 Normally you could apply directly to the house that you want ( most parents did) but I guess you might have applied for a General Place which is a central system ( normally for a late applicant) in which we also did it for our son. However we were given 3 houses to choose from after getting an offer.

@Beyondthesea123 We chose the house but I now believe that pastoral care is poor across the board.There are so many issues at the school which seem to be ignored by most parents. Perhaps they have a less open relationship with their sons and don’t really know what’s really going on. My son is a sensible boy and will get through the next year without making any unwise decisions but I am appalled at the lack of pastoral care. Obviously the boys are not their first priority and it has recently become very clear to me what is.

I would highlight Tonbridge supposedly has a reputation for pastoral support. Our experience and when you delve into other peoples experiences the pastoral support is actually very weak. Borderline non-existent.

Thank you all for the input. We are very lucky to have found prep boarding with very good pastoral care.

Indeed very mixed experiences. I wish there was a way of finding out if the boy suits the school and vice versa.

We have an option of coming back to the UK, and our oldest has a place at RGS Guildford for year 9. Our home is in Guildford (currently though we are still abroad). It is a super school - - here is a question, is there a huge advantage for aiming for a public school v selective grammar?

If you mean RGS, it's a private day school for boys not a state grammar like Wilson's or Tiffin in the local area.
In fact the new head of Tiffin is coming from RGS.
There is a difference between a day / boarding place at Charterhouse and RGS based on the fees and the facilities. It depends what you value as important as a family. When it's comes to uni applications it doesn't make much difference as all private schools are the same in the eyes of university admissions.

Those I know with children at Cranleigh are very happy.

Have you thought about Bedales?

If you have a place at RGS and are not desperate for boarding, I would stick with that. It is an amazing school with excellent pastoral care and academics. Suits all sorts of boys and is a very inspiring environment. Produces hard working, polite boys who are down to earth. It has the public school feel without the excessive wealth most boarding schools now attract.

Thank you all!

The values as a family importance for education and bringing up children are in synch with RGS as per @DancingLion mentioned. This is really positive.

Two generations of our family (both sides) have come through state grammar, so that is what we know as experience.

If it doesn't make such a difference between say Charterhouse day and RGS, then it make sense!

As PP said, RGS Guildford is not a grammar school (despite its name). It is a private independent school. But it has more families scraping fees together compared to boarding schools mentioned which have lots of mega wealthy families. The focus is therefore on making the most of opportunities and good grades/outcomes.

@DancingLion Thank you! I find such comfort in your feedback, as our initial decision was to compare full boarding schools (due to us living abroad).

Now with the option of relocation - RGS would suit us perfectly as a family due to locality to our family home amongst other things; however just wanted to sound out (as many schools offer day options) from the experiences of these schools.

Thank you!

OP you seem to have moved away from considering Winchester for your child .As an ex Winchester parent I am so pleased to see this. I will never forgive the school for the way they treated my son. For those who say their sons are having a wonderful time , my god home life must be pretty miserable.

A state Grammar school would be my choice if you have one close to home , your independent day school also sounds like a good choice.

In truth as much as I can’t forgive Winchester, I will never be able to forgive myself.
Children deserve so much better, I hope the next government looks at these institutions.

@saboyn I am so sorry to read your experiences. I hope there are many more happier times ahead.

I am with you - I equally hope all governments give priority to education.. this is also across the globe.

Thank you all for your inputs on Mumsnet - it certainly makes you feel one is not alone in this journey...!