Completely new to boarding - advice appreciated on state boarding

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I'm so grateful this board has been created having seen how some posters have been treated for raising the issue of boarding. We are completely new to boarding with no history of it in the family and I've felt completely lost with nowhere to ask questions.

We're looking at a state boarding option for DD as we're unable to relocate for preferred schools and, being rural, everything involves a long commute with no school transport available. We'd be looking at weekly boarding, Monday - Friday.

DD is desperate to go (and we've taken the chance and put it as first preference on our CAF). So far the school have been excellent at responding to all my queries, the boarding staff we met have been lovely and really engaged with my DD and the extra curricular and activities are far better than she'd get at home.

However I would appreciate any advice on what to ask, how to look beyond the gloss and any red flags to be wise to. Thank you 😁

Hi OP. Very excited to post on our new board!
My only advice would be to check there is a good number of girls who'll be boarding with her. Also ask who she goes to with any problems etc. Will she be starting Yr 7? So presumably they'd all be new together?

Thank you for coming back to me. That's a good point, there aren't many boarders to be honest and I don't know if there is a point when it's too few? But at least they're all starting together in Yr 7.

I've sussed out the pastoral side (I think) but thank you for the reminder 😊

Not had a child board myself, but the experience of a friend was that there is definitely an issue with too few! Her son was due to stay at his school until next summer but he was Mon-Fri boarding and there were so few of them that the school removed the option in the summer. In that situation you're then screwed if you live to far away to commute daily.

Oh thats a worry. The school seem very committed to boarding right now (and I think are generally fully subscribed) and push it more and more through the older year groups, but yes, that's always a worrying possibility.

My dd state boarded (specialist) and it was great. I would check the process for collecting and dropping off - dd had odd times, thankfully I had flexible employment. And do check both the base fees and extras costs - ours were means tested for fees but not extras.

How many are we actually talking about OP? When I boarded everyone did, but we were in houses so only ever saw 12 or so of our year group anyway, which was enough. My DS flexi boards and sometimes the house is full and the sometimes quieter but he still likes the quieter night because of who is there.
Does she know any others who are going? Will she be able to have a taster day / night? If sounds like she is really excited about it which is great.

@Legoninjago1 They take 14 total a year so 7 girls. It seems its been this for years so it's not dwindling away.

There's no flexi option so at least they'll all be there all week but yes it might be quite quiet.

I think they run taster/induction sessions (they've just had their ofsted boarding report who say the induction is good). The new starters day is an evening plus the following day, so that could be a sensible time for the boarders to sleep over.

Thanks for the point about fees @gogohmm so far I can see the boarding fees listed, including lunches, but I suspect that any other costs paid by the day pupils are also paid by the boarders (music tuition etc).

My daughter boards and sometimes there is 3 of them in her room and sometimes 8 (her school offer flexi) but she loves the variety and I think the low numbers actually mean we get a really personal connection with the boarding staff who really know my daughter.

Definitely ask about collection/drop off - my dd often has away matches on Friday which mean she is back late pushing back collection. We also drop off late Sunday evening so she is ready for Monday morning.

Extras - trips, music tuition, clubs, etc - check out the average amount of an end of term invoice.

Healthcare - who is on hand - what do they do about doctor appointments - are you expected to collect them to take them to A and E if necessary and if the staff take them is there a charge? (Hopefully would never be relevant but it's best to be prepared!

Thank you so much @MisgenderedSwan I would never have thought of asking those questions. They are going to be so sick of me! 😂

Read the official reports (Ofsted, CQC etc) which will talk about the key safeguarding and pastoral stuff and should hopefully reassure you they have got all that covered.

The main thing for me though was meeting the staff in person esp the house parent and matron. You need to like and trust the people who will be looking after your child. Don’t even think about doing it if you don’t.

What are the results like compared with the rest of the school?
How many people stop boarding before gcse?
Are all the boarders funded by parents and if some are state funded what proportion?

Where are you located? If you are looking at weekly boarding you need to find a school relatively close to home. We looked at this option ourselves so may have some thoughts if you are in the South.

Thank you all for your messages, I'm sorry I forgot to come back.

As far as I know all pupils are privately funded we we've met and love the staff.

And we're up north @tachetastic but close enough to make weekly pick ups/drop offs/concerts/parents evenings possible 😊

Ok so I boarded in the ‘90s and I think pple make too much fuss about the details. You will be advised to check the HM, the schedules, the boarding/day ratio, facilities, beds per dorm etc etc which in my view are way too much detail for little potential benefit.

In my case I had a dreadful HM and now looked down upon 25/75 boarding day ratio; we were also surprised a change of HM after my 1st year (and not for the better), which I am told is a massive event for any boarding but in reality it was just a minor nuisance in the grand scheme of things, as these details really do not matter that much at the end of the day. Boarding is a lifestyle, and in my view at 13+ for the right child there is no better way to spend teenage years, or to socialise and learn with/from and about other kids in your generation and make amazing friendships for life.

The most important thing in boarding (by far) are your mates, so you really want to focus your attention to that. If it is a selective and/or specialist school, then a glimpse into the higher years will be an excellent indication of what you should expect. Otherwise it is a roll of the dice… so check out the boarding community very carefully first and foremost. And these days, I would also add smartphone policy…

The rest will simply fall into place (or not) as you cannot (and should not) try to control every aspect of you child’s life. But your DD’s friends will definitely influence her at that age, so focus your energies on that.

The rest will be fine!

@WEEonline - I would agree with most of what you say, but I think the number of boarders in on weekends does make a difference. My DS boards at a prep school where there is a good number of boarders in on weekends (and they have compulsory in weekends twice a term) and he loves it.

My DD on the other hand is boarding at a senior school which is 50/50 boarding/day but it empties on a weekend, and most weekends she is the only girl in school out of her five dorm. She loves the school and her friends but she is bored out of her mind on a Saturday afternoon and Sunday, and sadly the distance means it is not practical for us to pick her up on a Saturday and take her back on a Sunday.

When it comes to picking a senior school for DS, we will definitely interrogate those weekend boarding numbers.

But I do agree with everything else you said! 👌

Fair enough, although my house used to also empty on weekends, so I nearly always stayed at a mate’s house. So if it really does empty on weekends, then there is an auto-correction mechanism and your DC should usually have welcoming mates to stay with. If this is not the case, then boarding community is probably different to what I had as a teenager. Which is why I think boarding community is no.1. which in my
view is influenced by the selectivity of the school (same-same and sense of belonging), the of the dorms (bigger is better for community), in-house dining (more intimate, not to mention the nuisance of cold wet winters) and smartphone policy (rigid is better for community).

Good answer