Finding it hard to connect with other school mums as a black parent

[butterflygold]

Hi Ladies, my DC has been at two schools as we moved last year, but I have found the middle class mums in both schools difficult to connect with.

I have no interest in being best friends with these people but I don’t want my DC to miss out on play dates etc. we have had some people over, but I actually find it easier for my husband to organise with the dads (he is white and never seems to have any problems fitting in).

is it me? Also am I worrying about something which is a no issue. My DC is 6 so at this stage I have to organise play dates etc but I assume when she gets older this will be less of an issue.

i tried to organise some Christmas drinks, one mum I am friends with was ill and couldn’t come, and then none of the others came - they didn’t really give any reasons.

the whole things is just very vexing - how dos anyone else deal with this?

I have exactly the same issue. FWIW I’m white (well mixed but I look white) and Dh is black. He is far better at arranging social things however we don’t really do play dates etc. I feel like since covid things have really changed. My kids have only just been invited to a birthday party each. I have one dc in reception and one in year 5. I remember being at birthday parties constantly as a child. I wouldn’t take it personally I just think covid really changed dynamics

@butterflygold OP, I think it is an issue that is experienced by many black mums. I had a similar experience when my DC was born. I never connected with any of the other NCT mums and was left well and truly out of the circle.

I decided that I didn’t want my DC to grow up in this non-inclusive environment so I put DC into a private school, out of the area. The school has a bit more diversity than where we live. While DC is still so young I’m pleased to say that DC has made friends and has been on a number of playdates.

It’s difficult for black mums in middle-class, predominately white areas. There is no doubt. In which area do you live?

kids friendships will happen naturally then you get to know the parents naturally too that’s been my experience I’ve never tried to force connections also black mum in predominantly white are although quite diverse unless you're new to the area ?

Do you think it's because your husband is happy in his own skin?

It doesn't matter how white you look, you are not white. It seems like a really odd thing to flippantly say. Most of my family 'look white ' but we would never start of a sentence how you have. It's jaw droppingly odd.

I live in Ealing - it is relatively diverse but there are only two other black (one black one mixed race) children in Dd’s class. Although I suppose that’s 3 out of 30 so 10%.

We moved to the area almost a year ago - DD was in the last half term of reception before summer so I was keen for her to try to make new friends as we were in a different area.

This is her 3rd school - she was at the first school until Easter of reception, a second school in this area for 5 weeks and now this school (we won’t move her again)