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Niece's frenemy

7 replies

Nextweektoo · 21/12/2025 18:54

Niece who is 6 has a friend who is sometimes really sweet, occasionally gives her small gifts. My sister doesn't reciprocate as she doesn't want to encourage this but would get friend a nicer gift.

However, there was an incident recently whereby this friend told my niece that when they are older she would kill her, this was after a small tiff - niece was playing with other kids. TA overheard and sent them to teacher.

Niece told teacher what had been said, friend denied this and we are guessing they put in a consequence. They use the card system. Friend then asked niece why she had told the staff. Friend got very upset and niece is quite sensitive. Previously friend said to niece if you don't play (whatever game they were playing) my way I won't invite you to my party and the whole class will be talking about it.

Sister found out all this from niece, I think she should speak with the class teacher so she watches the friendship. She is reluctant to be "that mum". Im worried that it's all a bit vindictive for that age. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
PrincessOfPreschool · 22/12/2025 03:01

Yes you're overreacting. It's very, very common at this age - no way can the staff monitor it and your sister will be 'that parent' if she gets involved. Sounds like school dealt with it really well. Just ask your sister to keep chatting to her daughter to monitor how it's going and if it gets worse then to speak to school. Sadly, this child has probably heard "If you do x, y, z I'll kill you" as a figure of speech from parent or older siblings. The 'not coming to my party' thing starts at about 3 and is basically a way to say, "You've made me angry so I don't like you right now". I work with 2-5yos and when I told a child they needed to take turns with a toy, I was told, "You're not coming to my party." So funny!

PluckyChancer · 22/12/2025 03:21

Never care about a teacher labelling you as ‘that parent’. The teacher is only interested in managing the entire class and meeting their targets.

The job of a parent is to look out for your own child and advocating for them.

Even if your sister mentions it, don’t expect the teacher to do anything proactive unless it’s causing them obvious problems in the classroom.

PrincessOfPreschool · 22/12/2025 10:08

I'm guessing you're not a teacher Pluckychancer! Most teachers genuinely love the children but there just isn't the time and resources to do everything required. 'That parent' takes up valuable time and attention and you also get a 'cry wolf' reputation. Save your battles for big things and they will be much more likely to be taken seriously by staff and senior leadership.

EatYourDamnPie · 22/12/2025 10:12

I would first try to cool off the friendship and steer DD towards nicer/better friends . If there was any retaliation at school because of it, then I would involve the school.

ThatWildMintSloth · 22/12/2025 12:51

I would have some conversations at home with niece about 'good' friendships and 'bad' friendships. What are some things a good friend does? How can we be a good friend? Good friends are kind, they dont say mean things, they take turns playing each other's games. We are allowed to play with others, especially if people are being unkind etc.

Nextweektoo · 23/12/2025 15:39

Thank you, that is helpful 😊. I think I was just like wow! 6 year olds threatening murder sounds intense.

OP posts:
GreyBeeplus3 · 31/12/2025 19:14

What kid threatens murder?
Wonder what her parents are like
Your niece doesn't need this
That 'friend' is a bully who's going to grow nastier the older she gets
We've a neighbours grand daughter who's like this, the problems she's caused leading a gang of older boys against neighbours who've stood upto her causing constant anti social behaviour problems; she's often claimed also said neighbours tried to 'hurt her' whilst ducking under her grandmother's skirts
Thank Goodness for CCTV and police logs !

The school should follow the rules they've laid down about incidents like this so yes you MUST speak to the teacher who should put in a plan of action BUT you've to keep tabs on that too to make sure everything is done.
Honestly can think of some teachers I've truly found wanting myself
My guess is your niece is rather sweet
And this other girl is good at picking out those she sees as 'soft"
So its needed to sit her down and explain about 'nice friends' and horrible ones whilst gently encouraging her to make new kinder ones who will play nicer and give consideration to how she's feeling
She will need loads of encouragement but it can be done. Good luck

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