Biracial teen at a campus university. Thoughts?

[user1471516498]

My 17 year old DS is looking at going to university next year. He has his heart set on a campus university, but I have some reservations. I have drummed into him that he has to stay away from other teens who are getting drunk or taking any sort of drugs, because he will be the one who will get into trouble, and white middle class kids will be treated much more leniently.

It seems to me that there will be lots of drugs and rowdy behaviour on campus and in student areas, and he will have little say in who he lives with in his first year. I hate that I have to think like this, but I think it would be a safer option for him to live at home and go to a local university. Thoughts?

Not sure I follow to be honest. Does he have a habit of falling in with the wrong kind of crowd or being swayed easily? Is his current friendship group questionable? Otherwise you need to treat him as an adult and let him make the right choices.

No idea what the uni scene is like these days but I'm v much of the mind that ppl who want to do drugs or drinks will find their crowd.

I guess it is a mixture of trepidation about the unknown, and realising that my little boy is all grown up and I can't protect him any more.
He has never been in any trouble, and he has had the same lovely group of friends forever. Reading back now, I think it is partly that I have no experience of going away to University -I commuted into Trinity Dublin from my parents house as did all of my friends.

I think you're right. You're being too protective which is understandable. If you have confidence in the way you have brought him, up you must also believe that he may not fall into those circles too easily. I think you have to loosen the umbilical cord mum, keep in touch with him for any support he may need and let him mature and become the man he will.

Getting drunk is almost a right of passage for many during their first year and most do settle down. As for drugs, they are unfortunately everywhere from the top of the university league table to the bottom. Having seen friends children and my own children navigate university life, where you choose and whether there are people you connect with who are also on the right path, is more important than whether it is a campus university.

What course and which campus universities is he considering?

Worrying about drink and drugs is normal but you should still encourage him to go to a campus university if he wants to. I don't think the university authorities will generally treat him more harshly if he is found doing exactly the same thing as his white friends. Not the extent to which you should make him stay home and commute. There is racism at university but it is usually more subtle than that.