Making friends for 5 year old

[Villagemum55]

I am worried about my son . He is 5 and very smart , outgoing and confident . He is always getting invited to parties but never play dates . I used to socialise with one of the mums from his class but as you kid’s friendships at a younger age fizzle out quickly . Now he is in year one and I’ve had a friend over and planned a play date but it seems we never get the same invite back . I understand people are busy but I am worried for him because he has mentioned that he feels sad not having anyone . I signed him up for a club and he seemed to make friends with a girl , which is ok but he got put off because one of the mums kept shouting about how he has made his first ‘crush’ . We live in a small village and everyone tends to stick to people they know . I’ve tried making friends with a black family but I do not like how they discipline their kids . I’ve thought about moving but I don’t know if I am panicking , I hate seeing my kid so lonely .

We’re a white family but we’re never invited to play dates either. I don’t think it’s personal. My ds is very popular, has a best friend and a gang he plays with at break time. He seems very happy but play dates don’t happen. Here are the reasons I think this happens:

• we don’t invite children on play dates. We have a really busy week so our free mornings are really important down time
• we go to a very multicultural school where the children often do things related to their culture at the weekend e.g. language or dance lessons or seeing their families
• the girls in his gang tend to have play dates with each other, I see play dates are not as common among the boys
• the boys he would hang out with are very busy in the weekends (like us) so are not free

Overall I don’t worry about it! He seems happy and has good friends.

It's difficult because you probably feel like other people's children are having playmates all of the time and your son isn't but it's unlikely to be the case. My oldest child wasn't going on play dates at five because their friendships aren't that strong at that age. My youngest was but with children who were the siblings of my older child's friends.

Try not to worry about it at the moment. Then, in the spring you could start suggesting park meet ups, maybe after school. This is a less intense way of doing things.

As your son gets older you can start taking him to extra curricular stuff that is further away to widen his experience and his friendship groups.

My dd does athletics (you can't start until you are eight) and it's very dominated by black children. I think that is the place where my dd feels the most herself.

But in short, I think you are worrying too soon.

Thank you for replying . I suppose I am worrying too much . I'll take on your suggestions and hopefully things will change . He is my only one so I am learning everything as I go .

I wouldn't let my children go on play date. Parties and visits with parents in attendance are fine but not my children alone with other children they know and the parents. I must have known the parents very well to allow this.

Maggispice
I know what you mean
It's a bit like when I was little and the family moved house, my mother would only eventually acknowledge the woman next door, then after she passed enough pleasantries with her would she then bother with kids/hubby
She said quite simply she didn't want anyone thinking she was after the husband and therefore invite speculation as they always made assumptions about us black folk and you never quite knew what got said.......