I have no black friends.

[BWJA921]

Hello, have recently discovered Black Mumsnetters. Really enjoying reading the threads.

I'm nearly 50 and have no black friends. I grew up in a female Christian afro-caribbean family in a white area. I got my degree at a mainly white university, have had relationships with white men, had mixed-race children. I have lived, socialised, and worked with white people my whole life. I have some good friendships with WW.

However, over last 10 years, I have had a real desire to connect with my blackness and develop friendships with other black women. When talking with other black people there is a certain ease or short hand. I understand that just because someone is black, it doesn't mean we will hold the same opinion/values. We are not a monolith.

But I came to Black Mumsnetters to look for some gentle advice.

1. Is my request for connection weird?
2. Has anyone else experienced this?
3. Where can I go to cultivate black friendships (that are not religion-based).

Have you tried meetup.com for specific hobbies? I used to go to a book club in my city lots of BW there. Black cinema, black art or theatre events etc. something aligned to your interests obv!

Lots of googling I'm afraid! Whereabouts (roughly) are you based?

Thank you for the suggestions. I live in South East London.

Meetups.com is a great suggestion. I used it a lot during maternity leave as I found that most baby groups in my area were aimed at middle class white women and I felt so out of place. I joined a black mums group through meetups and, while the group didn’t last, I found some of the best friends I have to this day.

(Editing as I pressed send too soon). But to answer your other questions, no it’s not weird to reach out for this - it’s actually admirable as I imagine it can feel quite vulnerable. It’s not something I personally have experienced as I grew up in a very black area and have always studied and worked around other black women, which I know is a privilege that some do not have. I hope you’re able to ‘find your tribe’ as they say! There is such beauty in black sisterhood.

Thank you StolenChanel. It does feel odd that I've gotten to this ripe old age without any sisterhood. Friendships with white women, while still fulfilling, are beginning to feel like there's something missing. I have looked at meetups.com and found some interesting groups that I may join.

please don’t quote me but I’m sure I read somewhere that as black women get older they find that they tend to gravitate towards other black women in their friendship circles. Or maybe it was the same for all women. I’m 52 and it has certainly been the case for me. Have made new friends of all races in the last 5-10 years, but those with other black women have been easier to navigate.

However, I too have found that I’m the outlier when it comes to religion!

Thank you KhakiHam. That "quote" resonates with me a lot.

I am definitely in my black woman joy era. Went to the carnival for the first time at the weekend and was overwhelmed at the beautiful black sisters I was surrounded by.

I'm also on the road to self discovery and want to surround myself with positive, kind energy.

This resonates with me as someone who grew up in a very white area and started their career in a non-diverse industry (I’m now moving careers and that’s part of the reason).

I’ve been going on walks with Black Girls Hike and have also joined a church and I’m hoping to meet people through that as well. Would something like that be an option?

Thank you Pompomdahlia. I've also been on a black girl hike - all lovely women but a bit slower paced than I hoped for. I'm not a church goer either so my options are limited here. I have recently joined black women meet up groups and am waiting for an event that suits my interests. Wish me luck.

So you're moving industry party due to the lack of diversity?

I think you can underestimate how much what you do can influence your friendship groups. I have also found it a struggle to meet BW - partly due to area, partly due to career choice as there really are not many in my field. Also not that keen on using church for this. I will also look into meet-up groups but in the past also found these area dependent.

I'm half & half and have friends on both sides. I find all the friendships equally strong. Do some connect to a different part of me? Yes. But I very much believe that friendship transcends all those things.

It will be amazing to explore new friendships with black women but im also so happy you have such fulfilling relationships with white women.

Friendship is valuable in all forms.

Same age, same background. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Value the friends you have!

Bit late, but my aunty moved away from London after 30 years and back to the city where my mum lives. They both joined a hiking group for black and Asian women and they've met lots of new people.

However, like pp said, if your existing friends are great, you don't really need to do much but you may find just meeting one like-minded black friend brings a new experience.