Best reply to MIL

[Foffnow]

So, I have posted something similar before

MIL is a nasty lady and a pretender although all civil etc and I am too but the witch hates my guts

Now we will see her soon and I am sure she is going to say, I don't call or speak to her (which I don't- I do not have time or energy to waste on people who hate me & she does not call me anyway)

What do I say when she says I don't call her? I want a polite smart reply to give her pls

The only thing that comes to mind is to say the phone rings both ways the last time I checked 🤷🏽‍♀️
I feel that is a bit too much or is it not?

Suggestions pls

"Oh there's never enough hours in the day to do everything is there? <tinkly laugh> was there something in particular you wanted to discuss?"

There won't be, let her flounder for a bit, then suddenly have to leave to attend to small child/stir a saucepan/go to the loo etc etc

Don't waste your time on artificial relationships with people you don't like...

*@LaLaLouella

Don't waste your time on artificial relationships with people you don't like...*

That is why o don't call her or go to see her except when necessary and I don't bother about her, she is an evil woman and I am sure she's got a broom she flys on 🤣

I agree with what LaLaLouella said but I might not even say that much. I'd probably nod my head in agreement then continue with what I was or wasn't doing. Don't engage at all; it will be frustrating for her but she'll get the message

If you want polite I don't think 'phone rings both ways last time I checked' is that.
What about, 'I don't think you like me so I thought best not to impose'
Which is honest but not antagonistic.
If you were feeling really generous, you could add 'I'd be happy to work on our relationship if you would like that though' (or words to that effect)

Just agree with her, and then change the subject to the weather or something else equally bland.

"I didn't think we had much to talk about. Feel free to call me if you need me..."

Dearest MiL,

I have been thinking of starting a reality show called 'Keeping up with your ego." Would you be interested in starring in it?

Isn't this her son's job??

I hate the phone generally so I just say "oh, I never really call anyone any more". Could you send her the odd text/photo of DC to keep the peace, or would you rather minimise contact?

Yes, I would just go with “I don’t tend telephone much anymore. Do you have some news you wanted to share?” Quick deflect.

@Foffnow
How about this;-
Well what would you like me to call you then??

Whenever I see or hear about these dynamics in family relationships, it makes me sad. People do not have to like each other, but the worst outcome is dreading social gatherings because of one another. Those microaggressions harm wellbeing on both sides. The common link is usually the son/husband, or partner. As a Black African family man, I always ask what role that man has played, positively or negatively in shaping the relationship from day one? I take a dim view of a man who wilts and fails to assert expectations of relations between daughter‑in‑law and mother‑in‑law. His the reason why these two different people are now connected and best placed to mitigate potential comflict. Otherwise, how can he reconcile being stuck in the middle of that for five, ten, or twenty years etc? Personally, It’s exhausting. Mother‑in‑law needs to understand there is no substitute or alternative daughter‑in‑law of her choice waiting to come off the bench and onto the pitch, and the daughter‑in‑law needs to know that getting along with her mother‑in‑law is non‑negotiable. That is how I set out my stall, and eighteen years later there is harmony and conflict‑free relationship. Boundaries must be set by the husband or partner; only he can define what is acceptable and unacceptable. What does your husband or partner say or do about the situation?