Would you move to a more diverse area for your kids sake?

[Lazymumdinner]

Currently live in Shropshire which is predominantly white. My son and his friend are the only non white kids in his class. He has had comments about his slightly broader nose by some of his classmates which upset him and made me think maybe we need to move.

He is mixed race I’m black and his dad is white. Dad grew up in Birmingham and had a good mixture of friends with different backgrounds. I grew up in a white area and I was the only black girl at school and which messed with my head a lot as a young girl.

All his teachers are white all his friends are white not that there is anything wrong with that. I just worry my kids will end up hating themselves as much as I did!

WWYD? Feel like I need to make a decision sooner rather than later.

Yes, I would move if he was my son. You've seen for yourself the damage that be caused to a child who constantly feels othered. I think he'd feel less different if you lived in a more multi-cultural area.
Meanwhile, talk to his teacher if you haven't already done so. ( If you have, now's the time for a formal written complaint). Racist comments about his appearance should not be tolerated on any level, and the school should be taking steps to deal with this.

I’m mixed race and I live in a very white area, I never considered moving. Small incident of racism at my DS school, we spoke about it. My DS is now a young adult, he doesn’t hate himself.

Short answer: yes

I have 3 mixed race daughters and it's important they see and are around people who look like them.

Not many predominantly white areas are tolerant of non white folk.

Yes move. Why put up with this crap in this day and age?

Do it. Not just for him but for yourself. Even if you feel you have dealt with the trauma you likely haven’t fully & when you feel the beauty of being amongst other black people & all that entails a part of you will awaken.

If you've got the means to move, I say do it

Yes. Growing up in a culture you identify with is a richness you can't get by any other means. I think it's so important, and something I'm working to give to my mixed race kids as well.

Move asap.

None of my family, due to the crap we put up with and that was in areas that were mixed, has allowed or allowing their children to grow up in an area where people don't look like them.

Hell even my white SIL and BIL refused to consider areas because of their future children.

Incidentally you still have to be lucky to have senior teachers who are non-white in the schools you send your children to.

If you are able to, I'd also advise you to move. I did that just over a year ago when my son was starting secondary school, and I'm glad with the decision. Good luck🌻

It’s the reason why I stay in London. I would never want my child to be the only black child in the class/ school.

I think it depends on the child and the age and stage they’re at. Some kids would be able to be in environments where they’re different to everyone else and have it not phase them. For others it would be deeply impactful on their self-esteem. I’d say how you coach him through these incidents will also have a big impact.

How old is he, what was his response to those comments and perhaps most importantly what did you say to him about it?

I would and live in a multicultural city already. I think twice about school choices and the area I live in too as it’s important for my DD to not feel other’d

Yes

Yes been the only Black child in school really impacted me

Do you BMNs consider the home counties mixed or ear enough to London or it has to be SE London E London type of demography?

Thanks everyone, we went to look at Manchester this weekend which is much more diverse! But not sure as the crime rates are high which worries me. I have 2 sons and I’m very aware of the temptations to get into trouble when they are older. Both my brothers were in and out and of prison.

Some home counties have towns/cities that are mixed.

They are actually getting more so but you need to look closely especially at schools.

I have extended family who live or lived in them with children. You just need to be very careful to ensure your child isn't going to be the only non-black child at school.

Oh and other parts of London exist. 😂

I have 2 sons and I’m very aware of the temptations to get into trouble when they are older. Both my brothers were in and out and of prison.

OP I presume your children's father isn't in and out of prison?

For boys role models include men who aren't the same ethnicity as them but are close to them.

DS(6) is the only child in class who is not white. He pointed it out to me that he is brown and everyone else is white. He wasn't upset he was just stating an observation. He moved a year up now and they have a non-white teacher so he's very happy about that.

Big picture- we are planning to move because i don't think it's good enough mix for him to feel like he's part of the crowd. We are happy with the school, but i don't want him to grow thinking he's very different

Move if you can. Without a single shadow of doubt. Complexes which form as a result of being the only Black kid in a school/environment and the subsequent experiences that brings about can really stay with someone for life, even if on the surface they seemed 'unphased' by it.

I have 3 mixed race daughters and it's important they see and are around people who look like them.

By this, I assume you mean other mixed race children? I can imagine seeing as OP's children are mixed race, if White people don't 'look like them', Black people don't either.

For boys role models include men who aren't the same ethnicity as them but are close to them.

I assume you mean other mixed race men as well? Seeing as OP's children are mixed race, if OP's White husband isn't 'the same ethnicity as them', OP's Black brothers aren't either.

Black people are FAR more accepting of mixed race children as 'like them' , I see mixed race people as Black and no different from me to be honest, all my Black friends do the same. Mixed race children are immersed in their white part of parentage, so its the Black part that sounds like its lacking. But ideally for a mixed race child to see other children that look like them is important.

Its a hangover from the Jim Crow and old British Colonial laws on 'race mixing' one drop rule and white supremacy. The Nazis had racial purity laws , more than one Jewish Grandparent and you were 'inpure'.

It doesn't work the other way round, unless that mixed race child literally has blue eyes and fair hair, but with 'colourism' lots of white people feel closer to mixed race people, with good reason as they are , after all, half white.

Anyway, back to OP's question. You don't have to move to a more diverse area, I would suggest long 2 week summer holidays from where you originate, make that a regular thing, and making the effort with Black books, Youtube is full of stuff for Black history and pride, make sure they see Blackness outside of Black History month at school!!

@Doubtmyself Ignore the troll

There is a huge risk with moving to more diverse areas as they tend to be in larger cities which generally have high crime rates. I live in London and if I were to ever have a boy, we’d move to the home counties immediately. I’d do what I can to ensure he loves his black side and has self confidence

Yes I'd move too.