How to deal with discrimination and oppression from the minority side

[Bothofmeorneither]

I'm "dual heritage" with a white English parent and a parent from a different ethnicity and language. I have the occasional incident of racism or microaggression from English relatives, but this is relatively easily dealt with, as everyone agrees it is wrong, and calling someone out generally results in an apology, and an attempt not to repeat the behaviour. Different story with the other side of the family, who feel fully justified in constantly putting down all that is white in me, and don't even feel they are in the wrong to do so! This has been pretty constant in the lives of myself and my siblings, but now I have children, I have avoided that side of the family as far as possible. Children are older now, and curious, and want to know more about their back ground, but I am anxious about exposing them to the contempt and put downs that we always had. I don't know how to move forward on this really

What happens when you tell them you find it hurtful? Really, it’s just dealt with in exactly the same way so not sure what to suggest if a conversation isn’t working.

Not everybody who shares your black ethnicity will behave like your family. Are there no members of your family who don’t participate? Try and make some more friends in that community. There’s nothing to say that you need all your family’s involvement to expose your dc to the culture.

The problem is it isn't seen as wrong, it is seen as right and fair, whereas any discrimination directed at my ethnically minority side is socially unacceptable. Attacking my white side is seen as morally fine. So having a conversation doesn't help, they just say things like, "well, we have to make allowances for you", and "we can't expect the same standards from you", etc.

I don’t think that there is any fundamentally different approach that you can employ. If you’ve confronted it, let them know how it makes you feel, and they’re not changing then there is not much more you can do. You’ve just got to decide whether or not you want to keep in contact.

What ridiculous shameful shitty behaviour as previous poster has said decide if you want to keep in contact with them. There are members of my family like this the older ones and surprisingly a few my age, my cousin decided not to bother with them and keeps in touch with me and the others who are normal. Don't hide this behaviour from your children though as this will prepare them later in life when it happens. Sending you a hug.

Bothofmeorneither
The problem is resentment in the minority side of your family; their belief that your siblings, children and you have it easier than they ever did plus your nerve in actually trying to get to know them gives them the right to insult you because you think you're better than them with some obvious white blood showing in your looks?
As for the white side well, what can I say?
They'll say something then get pulled up and apologise because it's easier than starting something that could end badly
Not saying they're "racists" per se but conscious of the differences in the family dynamics and aware of general perception
I think you need to step back from the family both sides and make more other fruitful friendships with other more reasonable thinking people out there; is there not a mums group for starters somewhere?
Not everyone will be totally like your family
I think I'd tell my children that some folk ain't nice and that includes family!
Also I know you'll not but don't leave your children alone with that/any side of the family
With my eldest when she was a baby, caught an older black distant 'auntie' trying to take her out of her pram to undress her to see what colour she was all over whilst pulling on her hair. Weird and creepy was the family's reaction that she didn't mean nothing by it??
So i slapped her and walked out
That family since then, all dead to me