Hair Advice

[Goingcrazyimsure]

Hi!

I hope this is the right place to post.

I have two girls who are mixed race and aged 5 and 2 and I need some help with their hair. I have reached out to friends and family and got lots of advice on products and care routines etc which is great but I am really struggling because they hate having their hair done - they literally scream the house down when I even try to get near them with a comb! Is it that I am hurting them this much? How can I care for their hair without causing them pain - is there a technique to the combing that might help?

Their hair is quite different. My eldest has tight coils whereas my 2 year old has a real mix of different curls (although could still be baby hair I guess)

At the moment I am using conditioning cream and keeping it in puffs to avoid tangling. I would love to learn how to braid it well but they won't let me near them. Once or twice I have managed to give it a try on my 5 year old using YouTube videos but I definitely need to work on my skills! Is there a simple method I could use to start?

Is it just an age thing?! Maybe I just need to wait? I just see other kids with these beautiful healthy heads of hair and mine - while not completely awful - just don't look in the same league!

Thank you in advance for your help!

Could try twists or just normal plaits

Is it that I am hurting them this much?

Probably.

Actually ask your eldest why she doesn't like you doing her hair. Then depending on the reason either work out or research on social media how to prevent that issue. Then start with the simplest style e.g. two twists/plaits you can do to show her that you aren't going to hurt her.

With the youngest due to her age just be happy if you can get a comb through her entire head. Once her sister stops screaming about you doing her hair and she sees her sister with nice styles, she will likely stop as well.

Find some BW friends in real life. Don't limit association with blacks to your dp.

Yep.

OP do you have black women in your extended family you can ask? I say this as for me the best support I have had has come from my inlaws. My sisters in law have been amazing in teaching me about my sons' hair and skin (and everything else). Does your daughters have black family members that they look up to? Perhaps they would have more patience with someone tending to their hair who looked like them?

Sometimes it might be painful but you get some children that just hate having their hair done and will scream any how. My niece would refuse to let her mum do her hair but wouldn't mind if my mom (her nan) did it.

My mom used to get us involved. Ask us how we want it (e.g. a choice of 2 styles) and ask me to pick out beads or hairbands.

Try letting them to watch videos of other kids getting their hair done.

Good luck :)

I think some children are just like this around their hair.

My DD (mixed race, age 3) has tight and looser curls like your youngest, and she won't let me wash it, brush it, or frankly anything. She just hates it. Luckily if we go swimming and she's already soaked, I can wash it in the showers there.

What I've had to resort to, is at bedtime, I sit and gently rake my fingers through her hair, and tease out any tangles that way. It takes about ten minutes for her to fall asleep, and I've got a good deal of them out in that time. If I can get a tiny bit of argan oil on my fingers, that's a great success but I haven't managed to find a totally unscented one, and as soon as she gets a whiff "don't touch my hair mummy!"

If you can just tie it up, in any form, that will help with tangles forming both during the day and night time, but other than that, just wanted to say I feel your pain, and hopefully our DDs will grow out of hating their hair touched x

(As a side note, last year there was a staff member at DDs nursery who she weirdly would allow to do her hair, and once DD came to the hairdresser's with me and she let them wash it, and dry it, smiling the whole time! Maybe take them to a hairdresser who knows how to deal with their hair professionally and see what happens?)

Don't try to comb hair when it's dry, use a wide tooth comb/tangle teaser. Detangle from the ends and hold the length of the hair to reduce tugging at the root.

If you can try and encourage your girls to cover their hair at night or use a silk pillowcase on their pillows to help reduce how dry their hair becomes overnight.

Good luck

p.s. I like how Ella Grimwade approaches looking after her daughter's hair she has five daughters: