Phrasing help - racist zoo comment

[AppleButter]

please could someone help me phrase a complaint to my child’s school - I don’t want to post in chat as I will get 1000 posts telling me that racism doesn’t exist.

my child is being bullied at school by a (white) boy, who pushes, shoves, disparages, comments on her every move and word, steals her stuff and damages her property by scribbling on her jacket etc. we are in the process of complaining to class teachers and they are trying to help.
note: we are in Germany and whilst most people are nice there are some with reeeaaalllly backward ideas on race, as you can imagine.
my child is mixed race and the boy has previously expressed incredulation that I, with my darker skin, can be British, and has been saying this to other children. We have told our child to ignore it.
today, after being talked to by the teachers for his bad treatment of my child, in the next lesson he pointed to a black person in the textbook and asked if that was me. And then sang a song to the tune of happy birthday, in which he said I look and smell like an animal and need to go back to the zoo.

now, I am calm(ish) but find this outrageous, and we are putting this in writing to the head teacher. Please could you help me, in English or even in German, give me the words I need , the anti-racist vocabulary. Is it dog-whistling, race-baiting, please help me find the right phrase, because I find the anti-racist discourse in Germany is only just starting, so people don’t even see what it is.

any other suggestions also welcome.
we need this in writing so we can escalate further if needed. thank you.

I'd try and avoid phrases like race-baiting and dog-whistling because they're emotional responses. Take all of the emotion out of it.

Write exactly what you have written here and that it's unacceptable that your child is being singled out because of her, or your, skin colours and that racism needs to be dealt with immediately and ask for the schools policy on this.

I'd be very clear this boys a bully and he's escalating his abuse.

You are right. Not to use complex phrases which wouldn’t be understood anyway.

i have only encountered such crass racism in history books, how did a 10 year old from a small town come up with it.

Any other tips would be welcome.

I just found out from another child that there have been racist incidents at the school previously, (at many schools I am sure) but someone daubed swa*tikas on a classroom wall with a racist slogan.so pretty awful.
Of course
i won’t mention it as it is hearsay to me and didn’t make the news
but it makes me more eager to put the incident in writing, otherwise it will be ignored.
it is actually a very nice and fancy school. Perhaps there lies the problem . . .

I was very specific about the way I worded things with my sons school. I opens with 'I hope we can resolve this without me having to report to the police and social services' I made it very clear that's what I would do if I didn't feel happy with their plans.

Is the law on your side with this in Germany? I don't know if the age of criminal responsibility it's the same for you.

I used words like hate crime. I also took in examples of racial bullying leading to self harm and suicide in children.

The school dealt with it well, and did report to social services of their own accord.

I hope your school are supportive.

Personally I don't think you need to take the emotion out of it. As long as what you say is factual you don't have to take away the emotional impact this is having on you all.

I didn’t think about escalating to social services, here the Jugendamt. But it is a good possibility to bear in mind, especially if he does it again.

the teachers and head teachers are all very nice, I think. Have heard strange things about other teachers though, and violent episodes and verbal abuse from some older teachers. Which is unfathomable but seems to be common knowledge.

They need to move the bully to another class and keep them away from your child as a priority. In your letter you need to demand written response on their anti-bullying action plan and updates as they do it. It has to involve the bully’s parents and the bully facing consequences for racist bullying. It’s needs to be underlined that if this child were an adult, it would be a hate crime.

If the school turns a blind eye and Pooh poohs racism (the swastika comment has me thinking they might be a bunch of racists themselves), then I’d start looking for a better school as a priority. If a school is racist, it’s not your job to change them or risk your child. Report them to as many authorities as you can and the media all while making it clear you are pulling your child out of the school because it condones racist bullying. Protecting your child is what matters most, and there is sure (I hope!) to be a school that isn’t so backwards and full of hate elsewhere that your child can go to.

thank you every one so much. we need to write this tonight so it is there before school tomorrow.

@Onnabugeisha you are complete right but i would feel nervous asking for a written response. I don’t know if they have an anti bullying policy even. The school code of conduct has anti racism in it. And if he has only been racist to her once, they will probably say it is just a kids song about the zoo and he didn’t mean it. And the previous bullying didn’t have an obvious racist tinge (now in hindsight the puzzle pieces start to make sense) . You have to be careful as a PoC to not be labeled over the top and dramatic.

also in German news - a large scale racist plot to ursurp the state (face palm)
www.theguardian.com/world/2022/dec/07/german-police-raids-target-far-right-reich-citizens-movement

Thank you everyone. We have sent the letter off now, signed and dated, scanned and sent via email.
I will also bear in mind your tips for future reference, I am sure there will be a next time, at some point.

Well done OP. If they don’t send a written response, I would advise documenting any telephone conversations or meetings you have with the school in an email to them within a day or so. You’d write, just to confirm we talked about x, and the headteacher has stated the school will do a,b,c,d,e and a follow up conversation or meeting is planned in a months time. If they don’t respond to your email with corrections, then this stands as the uncontested minutes of the conversation/meeting you had.

You need to find out what the escalation route is in Germany and communicate that you will not hesitate to exhaust every avenue to ensure this stops with immediate effect.

Your child needs to be safe guarded at school. This is their responsibility. They are failing her in their duty of care. Give them examples.

You need to quote their own policies, they will have equal opportunities statements, bullying policies, complaints procedures. You need to quote these and give examples of when the school is in breach.

Point out, clearly, that racism is illegal and that you fully intend to ensure your daughter's right to an education without being subjected to racial abuse.

Fuckers. Our children should not have to go through this 💔

Thank you @Onnabugeisha that is also important to remember - I will document everything.
today I just feel so depressed about it all, that my child has to deal with this as such a young age. racist incidents are traumatic. Glad to have sent the letter off yesterday whilst the anger gave me energy.

If you need any help with drafting correspondence then PM me and I will help.

Thank you to everyone else also. we will document everything and also each reaction from the boy. especially if he starts being violent.

we have referred to school policies and their catholic values so we will see how seriously they uphold them.

i certainly will not enter into any dialogue or discussion with the parents, I suspect the school may try to arrange this. There is no dialogue needed, just a correction of the boys behaviour and preferably an apology. The racism is traumatic enough without having to listen to apologists, with excuses or Verharmlosung (playing down the severity) brushing it off. And it will end in victim blaming, we have had bullying before and the parents ended up
defending their child and blaming my child for provoking theirs to violence because she got better grades and corrected his scientific statement during group work.

This racism and bullying is for the school to deal with and not for bilateral dialogue between parents. Racism usually emanates in some degree from the family it is rarely the child itself inventing it.

just very very angry that my child has to deal with this, and somewhat glad that she doesn’t understand the full severity about sending dark skinned people to the zoo.

well, I have had some feedback from the school and am now somewhat stressed and annoyed.

they talked to the boy, strictly enough to almost make him cry, poor Darling, and made him “realise the effect of his actions” and they believe he made a genuine apology to my child.

my child is excessively kind and accepted the simple “sorry, it was just a joke” apology Which i do not think was genuine.

what annoys me is that there is no apology from the school that this could happen and I have been asked to accept the genuine apology and “settle the peace now so that the spirit of cooperation can be resumed” roughly translated.

I think this actually means “please do shut up now and don’t complain again for a while” and this really riles me. I don’t think the response of the school is enough and I think the response is quite rude. And I certainly intend to complain again should my child be bullied by this boy again, racist or not.

i also asked him to be moved away from my child but they have not done so.

i did expect better from the school. I also need to investigate the swastika incident now. Am keeping all the emails.

“The boy has been shown that he overstepped boundaries and has been shown how he can seek support so that this does not happen to him again.” Roughly translated.

wtf. I think my child needs to be shown support so she can complain easily should this happen again. Why do bullies need support and why is racism so generously cushioned.
And why did I ever expect this to be dealt with otherwise?

i would like to respond and set clear boundaries and express cautious patience but need to calm down first.

They want to brush this under the carpet. Don't let them.

Have they explained the implications of his 'joke'? Have they tried to understand where he's learnt that it's ok to target people of different skin colours? Have they put together lessons on diversity and culture to teach children to be inclusive? They're outrageous.

I wouldn't accept any apology op. I'd be very clear they need to do all of the above and that you want to be involved in creating their new policy that will introduce these changes.

Yes, I didn’t expect such an immediate and obvious brushing under the carpet.

they haven’t apologised to me at all or expressed regret that this happened, the boy apologises curtly to my daughter and that was considered sufficient. No mention of how my daughter is protected or saved from experiencing this again.

the spirit of cooperation will save the day,
provided I let it resume.
clear shifting of blame here.

i am very upset now. And can’t let it stand as it is.

He did get a talking to by two senior teachers and apologised under pressure. But there was no plan explained to safeguard my child or how to stop this happening again generally in the school. but they should know we will complain again should this happen.

That’s disappointing but not unexpected (sadly).
You can’t really say the apology was insincere as no way to know. They also can’t say specifically what they have said to the boy or his parents due to privacy laws.

You can certainly respond back and say they need to put in place support & protective measures for your daughter in the event there is any retaliation attempted by this boy. E.g. she can leave the classroom and go to nurses/headteacher office or other safe space to wait for you to pick her up and bring her home. She shouldn’t be expected to be bullied and then try and carry on through the day with her bully smirking at her in class. And you want to know what these measures are by give them 2-3days…say Monday.

You can certainly say that you will expect further measures including disciplinary action against the boy if another incident happens.

Ensure your daughter tells you of anything that happens, document it.

It may be ok. In one bullying case with my DD, the school talking to her bully immediately was enough to stop it and they ended up actually being friends. (My DD was being bullied for being “foreign” )

Other times it wasn’t enough and I ended up pulling them out of the school and going elsewhere while making sure everyone who was someone knew this about the school. I have a short fuse though. If bullying isn’t sorted in sixty days, my kids are removed out of harms way.

Can’t hurt to start researching potential new schools. So if you have to pull your child out, you can do so with confidence.

The problem is that being told off just makes him more clever about how he does it next time.

This runs much deeper. He, and his peers, need educating. It cant just be 'don't do that, it's unkind'. Its so much more than that.

Sorry I know I'm preaching to the choir.

Talk to the parent of the child. Frankly and openly. Ideally with the child there.

The song, was it 'Happy birthday to you, you belong in a zoo, you smell like a monkey and you look like one too!'. That has been going around for years, can see it on birthday cards etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this wasn't used in a racist way on this occasion but the origin of it was just a funny childish song, not something this child invented. . A bit like the... You've got a head like onion and a nose , like a bunion, you've got a face like a squashed tomato....

This is true. My children were in a German school for some years over 35 years ago and I know this was often sung in place of the normal happy birthday song. This does not make it right and I'm not excusing it at all, just saying that it will have been sung to many German children over the years as it's very well known.
I would have thought it would have been banned by now but evidently not.