This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.
This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.
Black Mumsnetters
Speak or not to speak
Girlunfamilar · 22/06/2022 15:45
I have a question.
I have lived on my street for nearly 8 years now. I would say at least half of the neighbors speak to me without having the nervous anxiety of are they going to speak going through my head, then a quarter who just don't speak which I have come to accept and really to be honest don't bother me.
Then there is another quarter who live quite close to me who don't speak unless I speak first and to be honest it becoming quite annoying and causing me a little anxiety when I leave my house. As this group will be on the street talking and I am just ignored and if a neighbor is there who normally speaks and is with them they act as if I am not there.
I even now say hello for my own sake but I am just curious about what others would do in that situation. Leave me your thoughts. Much appreciated :)
RedWingBoots · 22/06/2022 16:30
Just say "Hello" loudly and go about your day.
Don't worry if they don't reply.
Maggiethecat · 22/06/2022 16:38
As RedwingBoots says.
Some will behave like that because they're just not sociable and others would rather you weren't living there. Don't let it bother you too much, do your thing.
Sniffypete · 22/06/2022 17:26
When I lived in London I never spoke to any of the neighbours (well there were maybe 5 families that we spoke to), and when I moved away I found it odd that people said hello when passing by.
Must admit that there are a couple of neighbours that I absolutely will not speak to - but they are really bad and cause lots of problems with police round regularly etc. the others, I'll speak if I notice them, but half the time I'm in my own world!
Girlunfamilar · 23/06/2022 09:30
Thank you for your comments. Sometimes I wish I could move.
Delectable · 23/06/2022 11:58
Do you mind sharing which part of the country this is? It could be anywhere I think.
Girlunfamilar · 23/06/2022 13:29
Delectable · 23/06/2022 11:58
Do you mind sharing which part of the country this is? It could be anywhere I think.
Midlands
Delectable · 23/06/2022 16:53
That surprising. I thought the Midlands and SE are more outgoing. The Irish have truly surprised me in this regard though.
VladmirsPoutine · 26/06/2022 16:02
I hate this kind of thing! It really can cause a lot of undue anxiety. I've always just said a quick hello and kept it moving. No need to stall or wait around anticipating a response.
Girlunfamilar · 29/06/2022 12:00
Spoke again this morning and I got no reply. Is there a way not to care so much because it feels really crap (wanted to use a much stronger word). I hate the fact it bothers me. I have other problems at the moment and cannot believe that this is taking up space in my head. Thanks everyone
Maggiethecat · 29/06/2022 16:09
Has something happened why it's bothering you so much after 8 years or has it always bothered you this much?
Is it a particular person that does this whose non response you care about?
Try to let it go - you can't change other people (in this kind of situation). It's not you - it's them.
Lalosalamanca · 08/07/2022 20:24
@Delectable could you kindly expand on the comment you made about the Irish. I dont genuinely don't understand.
Tillsforthrills · 08/07/2022 20:28
Girlunfamilar · 22/06/2022 15:45
I have a question.
I have lived on my street for nearly 8 years now. I would say at least half of the neighbors speak to me without having the nervous anxiety of are they going to speak going through my head, then a quarter who just don't speak which I have come to accept and really to be honest don't bother me.
Then there is another quarter who live quite close to me who don't speak unless I speak first and to be honest it becoming quite annoying and causing me a little anxiety when I leave my house. As this group will be on the street talking and I am just ignored and if a neighbor is there who normally speaks and is with them they act as if I am not there.
I even now say hello for my own sake but I am just curious about what others would do in that situation. Leave me your thoughts. Much appreciated :)
I’d ignore the ones that ignore me, strengthen your relationship with the ones that are nice.
Tillsforthrills · 08/07/2022 20:31
Girlunfamilar · 29/06/2022 12:00
Spoke again this morning and I got no reply. Is there a way not to care so much because it feels really crap (wanted to use a much stronger word). I hate the fact it bothers me. I have other problems at the moment and cannot believe that this is taking up space in my head. Thanks everyone
You may find you’re more affected by these ignorant rude people because you’re feeling low.
Work towards, in small steps, taking away the power you’re giving them. It naturally hurts as humans to be excluded so you’re entitled to feel bad and anxious about it.
darmaka · 09/07/2022 04:10
I couldn't care less. If they don't reply don't speak to them and keep it moving. I think it's quite the norm for neighbours to say nothing in England. Some are nice and they speak to you, some aren't - it's life. Never feel anxious about neighbours.
Girlunfamilar · 10/07/2022 11:48
Thank you so much everyone. I am just going to accept the way things are.
VladmirsPoutine · 10/07/2022 18:48
@Girlunfamilar Please try to not let this get you down. I know it's easier said than done but really you don't need validation from these whites. Keep on keeping on!
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