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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

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Original poster

Underwear washing

58 replies

alilstressed · 18/04/2022 08:46

Looking for perspective from other Black mothers. At what age did you learn to hand-wash your underwear? If you have a daughter, when will you teach her to hand-wash her underwear?
My children's father is 'shocked' that I have no immediate plans to teach my daughter how to hand-wash her knickers.

OP posts:

WaltzingToWalsingham · 18/04/2022 08:56

Unless they're particularly delicate, why not just chuck them in the washing machine? Surely that would make you and your DD's lives easier.

Does your partner hand-wash his undies?

blackandgreen · 18/04/2022 09:41

WalzingToWalsingham you are on BMN. The poster has asked for a perspective from other Black mothers. Personal hygiene for girls, and how it is taught, passed on from mother to daughter is very important.

OP My grandmother taught me from when I was 6. Uk based.

To clarify for non Black lurkers.

Not everyone here is UK based.
Not everyone has or can afford a washing machine.
Blood stained knickers don't clean well in a washing machine.
Many black and brown women have their own cultural ways of teaching daughters about menstruation, their bodies, growing up, and good personal hygiene.

That's what this thread is about. That's why OP is asking Black mums for their comments. Please don't wade in if you don't understand the cultural nature of the question. Thanks.

allinadaystwerk · 18/04/2022 09:49

When she saw me washing mine and asked, I explained to her. She wanted to do hers too, she was 5. From then I let her 'do hers' when I did mine. She did it independently when she was around 11 in prep for menstruation.

blackandgreen · 18/04/2022 09:50

OP I taught my daughter from when she was six, when she wanted to help with the washing. We used it to have little chats about our bodies and how they grow.

Possibly too soon for some and a bit late for other black mums looking in.

I'd do what you think is right OP. Your partner's view is probably based on what the women did in his family.

blackandgreen · 18/04/2022 09:56

@allinadaystwerk. Sorry missed your post there, seems as though we both do similar things. My daughter went onto do the same about 11 also. I found it quite a bonding thing. I was working away when she started her periods at 12 and her Dad was well trained up by then also ha ha, to lend moral support. It's good that your partner is having the discussion.

allinadaystwerk · 18/04/2022 09:59

@blackandgreen it's a great way to bond and talk about growing up and becoming a woman. She is 26 now with her own daughter

blackandgreen · 18/04/2022 10:09

I think sometimes " old ways" are the best ways. It's lovely. My son used to join in too who was 3 at the time because it was water and soapy bubbles. So he would put his pants in his own bowl. And listen in and ask, so we would have a little boy chat also.
But mostly it was me and daughter.

My daughter has two daughters around the same age also. I do similar with them when they sleepover at the moment.

WaltzingToWalsingham · 18/04/2022 10:39

@blackandgreen Ah thank you, understood. I saw it in Active and didn't notice that it was in Black Mumsnetters, so I thought it was just some guy creating work for the women in his life - but I can see now that my interpretation was wrong. Thank you for your explanation!

Maggiethecat · 18/04/2022 10:48

This thread has made me smile!

It’s also made me consider how cultural practices are sustained when people migrate and habits become influenced by wider societal norms.

I grew up in the Caribbean and was responsible for washing my underwear from a young age. We didn’t have a washing machine then (expensive imports) but as was very common we had someone wash/iron our clothes. However, female underwear was off limits and each female was responsible for her own “smalls”.

I did teach mine how to do theirs but somehow over time I’ve ended up doing everyone’s - a quick hand wash in soapy hot water and then in the machine.

OP - I can imagine your dc’s dad being concerned. I think culturally there can be a lot of moral judgment attached to underwear washing by girls/women although nothing of the sort for boys/men.

I wouldn’t worry about that though. As pps have said, it can be a valuable teaching and bonding experience.

Original poster

alilstressed · 18/04/2022 11:16

Thanks all. I wonder if I have become too 'westernised' and forgetting the old ways. I rarely hand wash my underwear but will soak them when I'm on my period before putting them in the washing machine. So I can do it when I need to but just don't. I am beholden to new technology....
I will teach both of my children to hand-wash their underwear (boy and girl) as I think that is important to know how to do it.

OP posts:

Original poster

alilstressed · 18/04/2022 11:20

@blackandgreen thanks for providing that clarification. I don't always have the energy to 'explain' hence why I'm grateful for this space

OP posts:

Starseeking · 18/04/2022 11:43

In my country of heritage (in West Africa), all women wash their own underwear at all times from menstruation until they die! Even if you have house help who wash the rest of your clothes (which anyone with a small bit of money will do) nobody washes anyone else's underwear.

I didn't grow up there, so also started washing my underwear when I started my periods. I don't routinely hand wash them as standard though, only during the time of month when I'm on. The rest of the time my underwear goes in the washing basket, then straight into the washing machine with the rest of my clothes.

I'm planning to do the same with my DD.

kinshasa · 18/04/2022 11:51

I think it's a lovely tradition and you can have great little chats about growing up and basic hygiene.
And fine to use the washing machine, of course. No one here is recommending pounding clothes with a stone down by the stream Lovely to have a thread like this to share, it warms my heart.

cutebutscary · 18/04/2022 11:53

White lurker here - I have loved reading this !! I used to do this with my mum and I just remember feeling so grown up doing this with her . Was surprised to find out it wasn't really a 'thing' that anybody did ( as far as I knew until now reading this) my gran is 101 and still hand washes hers ! I'm English, gran is Scottish , maybe it's a Scottish family thing too and that's where I got taught from . Love this , bought back happy memories of my best friend mum who died suddenly and unexpectedly during the pandemic. I love that you have this lovely tradition

kinshasa · 18/04/2022 12:02

Awww lovely story about your gran and mum and you cutebutscary I'm sorry for your loss, but so glad that we've made you smile

Maggiethecat · 18/04/2022 14:10

I remember being taught how to soap and then rub the fabric and in my mind the squishier the sound from the washing meant the better you were doing it .

It was a rite of passage and you felt very grown up taking control of washing your panties.

kinshasa · 18/04/2022 14:46

I'm really laughing at this Maggie. Yes to the squish.
I'm trying to remember the name of the hard block of soap we used.

Maggiethecat · 18/04/2022 15:28

@kinshasa - it has been a trip down memory lane!

We used a blue one and they had different names depending on the manufacturer. I remember one called the blue bomber

kinshasa · 18/04/2022 16:03

Yes! You can get 6 bars of Jamaican blue power soap for £9.99 on ebay. All the way from sunny Walsall. Wow that's expensive.
🧊😁
Great thread OP lovely to read the contributions. The blue bomber might be my next user name!

kinshasa · 18/04/2022 16:18

And I've found blue bomber at £ 1.20 a bar.
With bomber written in a lozenge shape on the bar. Ha ha.
I might just do a nostalgic squish and get a bar for old times sake.

Maggiethecat · 18/04/2022 17:27

Great username 😂 and yes to the nostalgia, even if for the mundane!

WildBactrian · 18/04/2022 22:47

I don't remember what age I was. But at some point I asked my mum why we had to do it but the men in the house didn't. She didn't really have an explanation - she probably never thought about it, it was just tradition. Now I still rinse them out when I take them off, but I put them in the washing machine afterwards. I remember my ex had no idea how to hand wash anything, and I was a bit impatient with him as it seemed obvious to me. Then again, he didn't know how to operate a washing machine either 🙄

TimeAfterTime1 · 19/04/2022 04:11

Glad for this post OP. Thanks!

My daughter is 5 and I have been introducing her to a few chores recently. She loves to help out etc. Washing her smalls is something she has to learn before turning 6 imo. She wants to do her wash (soap in tray, pressing buttons, etc) and partially knows how to use the machine. I have held back with the hand washing because I remember too well my hands being so sore. Not happening with her, yet she'll learn. It makes us both happy doing these things. I remember how 'grown up ' I felt doing these things and smile when she expresses the same.

The machine does a great job lol. Wash/rinse during my period and then bung in the machine. This has meant conversations about periods etc. She makes my brain work 😆

summericecream · 19/04/2022 12:40

As a white women (23) may I politely ask why this is specifically for mensuration times? Is it uncommon to use sanitary pads? I ask from an educational perspective so I can learn and educate myself

Tothepoint99 · 19/04/2022 12:44

Is this where I say, I was never taught about hand washing and add it the list of things my mum didn't me about being black in a white world.

What else should I know please?

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