Anyone else find talking about racism impossible?

[HideItClear]

You know, I feel like the worst thing about experiencing racism is the gaslighting that comes alongside it. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced racism, spoken about it openly and had it acknowledged. I was once told that I must be making it up because “racism in the UK is rarer than a road traffic accident”. I have also been told “unless you attended a place with nothing but Nigel Farage supporters, overt racism doesn’t exist, only micro aggressions”.

I can’t be bothered with it anymore. I’m tired of it. So, not only should I experience racism (including overt racism), but I’m not allowed to acknowledge that I’ve experienced it? Instead of reprimanding me for speaking about my own life experiences, why don’t any of these people spend their time and energy reprimanding the racist people that force me to discuss such topics? It’s not like I just wake up everyday planning to speak about race and race related issues, it’s not fun for me and it’s not something I enjoy, I do it out of necessity because I’m not going to allow someone to racially abuse me and get away with it.

I'm white as white and would never see fit to comment on any of the BM threads normally. I live in a VERY white area, there is literally not a single black or any other shade of skin other than white in my village. It's a result of the rural area we live in. (But ~i have lived in other majority non white countries).
Just wanted to say that I wander over to this board occasionally and am finding it really educational - because here are the honest voices and frustrations of black women's lives that can't be dismissed as "woke". So just to say thanks ladies for making me aware of how things really are and how your lives are affected by prejudice and racism.

mateysmum thanks for looking in and your comments. I'm the only dark skin where I live, it's a bit lonely at times.
And restoring my faith that there are a lot of women such as yourself who understand what this little board means to us. (and don't get in a lather about it)

Big hug @EchoNan and to all of you. It is so so shit.

blackandgreen thanks

It’s the every day institutional racism that gets me, working in a secondary school blows my mind, the unconscious bias is terrible. I actually had to tell a senior member of staff not to touch a boys Afro last week, they said it’s fine we get on well. I sent her about 10 links of why it isn’t fine. Everyday the same kids getting removed from lessons for doing less than white kids who get warning after warning. Referring the black kids in friendships groups as gangs, pronouncing names wrong 4 years later, black history is taught shortly- yes we were all bloody slaves… I could go on and go and on

Yes, it's the dismissive " we get on well". As if it's ok for the lad to be able to say "f off I'm not a pet".

It's the total inability to just LISTEN and understand why it's not right. Any hint to some that this isn't ok, and this is why, is taken so personally. To work in education and be incapable of learning from others means that person is not really an educator. Just part of the same old problem.

@NippyWoowoo

Yep. The thread on here the other day about the guy sentenced for his racist tweet to Rashford was disgusting. Everyone falling over themselves to say 'oh come on it's not bad, we wimmin have it much worse!!!'

They'll bring the trans argument into anything

Yep that post and the commenters really pissed me off. I had to hide that thread. It proved that people are still racist as ever no matter how much they protest they aren’t.

Hi all. Just popping in to say hello and to show some solidarity. I'm not black or female (east Asian) so won't be posting here again but am just trying to gain better perspective. I have some black/south Asian friends/colleagues but exclusively male and I tend to avoid conversations about racism etc as it's not something everyone wants, or is comfortable discussing. Yet it's something I feel is important for everyone and esp a woman's perspective.

I'm well aware that racism is not equal and east Asians have it a lot easier than most. But many of the posts in this thread resonate, if not educate.

Anyway apologies for intruding.

Hello @Lunar27 thanks for your kind words. It's not really something any of us look forward to talking about is it? I've seen you posting elsewhere on the site, and I sincerely hope that all is good with you and yours.
Not everything on here is requested to be black women only. Friends and family welcome too. You'll have the sense to know which threads are which I'm sure. All good things to you

Ive been reading Reni Eddo-Lodge and listening to Nova Reid’s podcast, and I’m a long term MNer.

I’m on holiday in UK south west, visiting family, and it turned out there are five of us who have been listening and trying to educate ourselves - we are all white and all grew up in almost entirely white communities.

Maybe it helps to know that there are more white women learning how to be actively anti racist, and acknowledging their own racism. I have so much to unlearn, and so much to listen about.

The racism on mn is awful, and goes unchallenged so much. I’m so sorry it’s like this. Seeing the threads this week with different eyes having read Eddo-Lodge recently…

Anyway. I’m not trying to butt in. Just that for the first time ever in my family, we’ve talked openly and honestly about race, and being better allies, and the attitudes we were raised with and grew up around.

And that’s because of black and brown women writing, talking, and persisting. And I’m really sorry it’s taken us so long to start listening, properly.

I think that's a good book to read myself, glad to hear you thought it too.
NoooooCoooooode and you know what? It makes a difference when someone takes the time to say: we are listening and thinking and talking about things.
But hey, I hope that the weathers been ok on your holiday, and you have managed a cream tea. Don't spill jam on Reni will you? Or you'll invent a new meaning for sisters sticking together.

Thank you @EchoNan.

No, definitely not something one can casually drop into a tea break chat!

I feel I need to show a double dose of solidarity as I've never ventured into BMN but have just been reading the Karen thread. Oh my goodness, I can't believe what I've been reading. As a man I'm hypertensive to threads on MN as I've seen men dive in and claim no sexism on female centric threads. I can't believe women detest that behaviour but are doing the exact same thing here.

However I did also read a zombie thread on AIBU recently about a film called Karen. I read three pages of outrage on the use of Karen as a title. TBH my first and only thought, when I visited IMDb, was how horrific the experience must have been for the black family that this Karen was terrorising.

Best to you and yours too

I get it op. But why would they change the status quo when they benefit from it. We can't even have a conversation in a designated black space before they invade and start the gaslighting. It's actually disgusting...i will leave it there.

Just remember, they know more about your feelings than you do.