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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

A Mother Blending in, UK

1 reply

Alwaysblending · 28/02/2022 23:03

Hi,

So I dont really know how to start this. It's only recently dauned on me. I've been blending in for the last 14 years. I'm a 30 year old woman and mixed race. I've recently been thinking about my lack of friendships/relationships. Ive struggled to solidify friendships since I left school. One of the reasons I think I've struggled is because I've worked with and come across predominantly white people. I had mostly mixed race friends when I was at school. I moved schools near the end and never kept those friendships, only 1 of them. Now I'm a mum with 2 children to a white partner. I've been so busy being mum and blending in with my white inlaws, majority of older white mothered baby groups and mums at the school. I'm feeling a bit lost with my identity and my age actually. I've become really boring, I don't do alot or have much interests. I'm starting to realise why I haven't truly connected with people over the years. I honestly think its because culture and colour has been missing. My mum sees me more as white and the funny thing is that I see myself as more black. That might be confusing to some, I don't know. I just don't know what to do going forward. Am I never going to have those connections I had when I was school. Where your firstly drawn to each other because of your colour and a friendships stems from there. My area is predominately white. I know there's black and mixed girls around but I rarely see them. Anyone else felt similar or the same. Are there other groups/forums to find friends/mums of the same race?

OP posts:
debbrianna · 01/03/2022 19:13

Hi op, when you say you see your self as black, what do you mean?

I am not far off your age group. This means you had the beginning of Facebook during GCSEs of similar. Did your class not link up and everyone wanted to join each others accounts? If they did, I would target somone you liked from school and prefer seeing their feed who has children. Invite them for a playdate and try and make the effort to call and check up on them.
Same with other family friendly social media sites. I only have fb for connection with parents connected to my child.and old friends from school. It's much more mellow.

I am not sure what your family is like, mine is quite big but very close. If I was to see an extended family ember or hone to a party, I am interested in that person, I would ask for playmate and arrange it too. I would rather they said no. It's easier to ask than maintain the relationship. Just make sure you don't become the childcare minder by being desperate.

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