Mums in Surrey

[searchinginsurrey]

Hey black mumsnetters,

I'm from London moved to Surrey a few years ago. Now have a toddler in the post covid world and it's hit me how isolated I am from any connection with 'community' also my daughter doesn't get to see many people who look like her!

I've googled, I've searched Facebook, I've joined the app Mush. I just can't find other black or other ethnic groups! We live a little way out of Guildford, I know there are people around I just can't find them!

Any ideas?

[searchinginsurrey]

Posting again in the hope someone might see this!

[Orchidflower1]

Is there a church/ mosque/ meeting hall/ synagogue ( delete for appropriate religion!) that you could visit/ join. Even if you are not of a strong faith or of any faith at all, they may have coffee mornings/ toddler groups etc that you may get to meet people that you’ve not had success in meeting in other ways.

[EdmontinaDancesWithOphelia]

As your toddler grows there will surely be activities you’ll want to encourage her in? Art, drama, sport, music, singing, environmentalism? As she’ll be reliant on you to ferry her to things for years to come, you’ll have the opportunity to choose wisely, from a wider geographical area than just Surrey. Museums, galleries, theatres, concert halls, sports venues all run dedicated children’s programmes which will almost inevitably include people who look like her, even if they don’t have ‘black’ in their title. Particularly so in London, but other cities too.

I have a horrible feeling this reads as unhelpful, but it’s not meant to be - I’m just speaking from experience. ‘Community’ is hard to foster from scratch, and may not take the forms you expect!

[debbrianna]

I found this around Guilford. Not sure if it's of any help.
www.guildfordrocks.co.uk/things-to-do/groups-and-classes/

[debbrianna]

I lived outside London for awhile. One of tge things you can't rely on is finding other black people. But joining a community and just getting involved will lead to meeting other people and black people who will cross your path.

[debbrianna]

Another good one I think.

surreymummy.com/things-to-do/babies-toddlers-preschoolers

[debbrianna]

Gov site for Surrey. There might be one close to you. Visit as many free ones as can to see the demographics, proximity to the schools and vibe.

www.surreycc.gov.uk/people-and-community/families/education-and-learning-advice-for-families/early-learning/toddler-groups

I would say for a lot of the groups I went to, I checked the playgrounds out too a few times. It will always give you an indication of the area and wether you would like to continue. I lived in the neighbouring county but most will be the same.
www.surreycc.gov.uk/people-and-community/families/education-and-learning-advice-for-families/early-learning/toddler-groups

[debbrianna]

www.surreycc.gov.uk/people-and-community/families/education-and-learning-advice-for-families/early-learning/toddler-groups

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

is there a local neighbourhood group you could join?

Even if you are not religous I'd try to find a place of worship, I'm pretty sure they'd be happy to give you some ideas how to find the community links you need.

[Taoneusa]

You’ve moved somewhere very white, then! What part of Surrey?

[Orchidflower1]

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

is there a local neighbourhood group you could join?

Even if you are not religous I'd try to find a place of worship, I'm pretty sure they'd be happy to give you some ideas how to find the community links you need.

That’s what I was thinking. We have mums at our midweek toddler group who literally come for the natter and cuppa; they don’t come to church.

They missed it such much in lockdown. Some made their own little walking/ coffee groups.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

@Orchidflower1

I honestly can't imagine how hard it must have been for anyone being pg, giving birth then struggling with a newborn phase.

I'm white (sorry, meant to say) but I'm Hungarian so didn't have any of my family, friends in the UK and didn't know anyone Hungarian - so from that point of view I think I understand how isolating it can be to not have any connection to people who are similar to you in such core ways.

sorry if my comparison is weak or not welcome.
We went to a lovely church in Esher near Sandown years ago (our black friends invited us for their baby's baptism) and it was a mainly black community.
Lost contact with friend and wrecking my brain trying to remember the name of the church - if it's still up an running I'm 100% sure they would have lots of connections that are beyond the religious aspect.

@searchinginsurrey if I can find some contact details I will get back to you.
I hope that's ok, I really do respect the "no whites" aspect of this corner of MN but I'm in Surrey so really want to help.
Please tell me if you'd prefer I had my posts removed.

[GingerScallop]

am in Redhill and luckily there are a lot of black as well as mixed families. But it's hasn't been easy for me to socialise so am isolated as well. However I would second those saying join baby & toddler clubs, library rhyme time, church/mosque etc. Talk to any black salon owners if there are any where you live or strike conversations with clients as you get your hair done.

Part of me feels that whether you are black or white, making friends outside London when you haven't been there long is hard hard work

[Taoneusa]

Zing you are totally welcome here!

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

@Taoneusa

thank you

I'm still thinking about this!
I'm thinking that in OP's situation I'd probably just go up to the first black person with kids and ask. Is that weird?😬

[EdmontinaDancesWithOphelia]

Yes.

[Delectable]

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I'm African but lived in Sweden for a year studying. I'll acknowledge black people and walk up to them if close enough. It was normal and expected. In London cos there're many black people and different types ie Africans, black people born and bred here, Caribbean etc people hold on till when they meet in a place like church, a friend's party etc.

We'll be moving out of London and I know it'll be more challenging to see people who look like me but it's a trade of I'm willing to make. Those I've made friends with in London is mostly cos I walked up to them or they walked up to me and we blossomed from there. Hopefully it can happen again.