Please tell me where to live!

[Buggritbuggrit]

Hello! I had no idea this bit of Mumsnet existed and I’m very excited to have found you all!

We’re looking to move out of London, like everyone else. The issue is that we have no idea where. Neither of us is English, and we’ve never lived anywhere in England that wasn’t London. Please help!

We’re an interracial couple (I’m
Black and he’s white), so would ideally like somewhere with some racial diversity where neither we nor our kids were unusual.

DF loves the great outdoors and I love the hustle and bustle of Islington. We’d ideally like somewhere with both of those things, decent schools, house prices that aren’t insane and a manageable commute into London.

Apart from those criteria (and I have no idea if any of that is reasonable), we’d be happy with anywhere in the South East. Budget is about £700K. If anyone has any recommendations, I’d love to hear them. Ideally, I want someone to go ‘you have exactly described where I live, don’t worry about this anymore, move here at once’. So, if that were to happen, I’d be much obliged.

I have posted this previously, at the beginning of my our search, and got lots of advice - but it was almost entirely from white MNers. They were very helpful, but obviously couldn’t really speak to the lived Black experience of the places they were recommending. Thanks, all!

Hi OP
Do you know Reading at all and surrounding areas.
Some areas are more diverse than others but within 2/3 mile radius of town centre there would be enough diversity for you and your family to feel very careful comfortable. I lived there as a child and it was not very diverse - unless you were in the centre of Reading Town and in the poorer neighbourhoods. Thank fully it has changed and young adults of that generation were still able to buy property in Reading in the early 90s or so , creating diverse families and social networks. Its 30 minutes on the A4 to west London. Train 30
Minutes away but very expensive. Great schools and amenities local transport after 9pm is rubbish like most small Towns in comparism to London. Schools are great too. Lovely villages nearby - no shortage of shops now selling African Caribbean products . If I had the opportunity to move anywhere outside of London - it would be Reading!

Roughly what do you do for jobs?

Reason why I'm asking is that some industries are based in certain areas so if you move, lose your current job or want to change job you may end up not being able to get work that easily.

For example if you work in technology or finance then moving to Reading would be ok as there is lots of that type of work around the Thames Valley. However if you were in the film/TV industry it wouldn't be.

@Denzelstowel Thanks, I’ll check out Reading. I don’t think I’ve ever been.

@RedMarauder He works in the City and I work for a non profit. There’s some wfh flexibility, but our jobs/careers will be central London based for the foreseeable future.

Why just the south east? If you could flexi-work and not go in every day, you could commute from Manchester; lots of outlying areas and close to the Pennines.

Apart from that - you want a major university town / city that attracts international residents. Only a tiny proportion of people in England (let alone the UK) are black - it would be a somewhat pointless quest to look for large populations of black people outside London.

I’m sure you’ll get lots of good advice - but I’d start by dedicating your weekends to visiting and staying in the regions of perhaps a dozen towns you like.

(Across three generations I’ve lived all over England and Scotland, in town and country, and haven’t yet encountered a place where (with a little awareness) we couldn’t thrive.)

I would say west Sussex boardering Brighton. More pleasant in general especially for interacial couple compared to London. Places like West worthing, stenning and Washington. Hove /Brighton have amazing house for your money. There is a fast train into London. Make sure you can drive to enjoy the restaurants/supermarkets, activities and in the far corners of west Sussex. Lots of village fates in the neighbouring in the little villages. And the beach.

@EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues Because we rather like our friends and family and would like to still see them. We’re also not interested in massive commutes.

Not really looking for large Black populations, just some diversity. I’d be fine pretty much anywhere, but I’d really rather my kids not grow up being the only non-white kid in their year, etc. It’s not something I had to deal with growing up and I’m pretty grateful for that.

We’re currently visiting places and scoping them out. I’m asking people for pointers re places to scope.

@debbrianna Thanks! I really really like Hove, but it’s a bit spendy. We've been looking at properties and it seemed like our money would go much further pretty much anywhere else. Will check out West Worthing, Stenning and Washington.

I second what other PP's have said, if you want diversity you'll need to pick a city - somewhere like Brighton. Usually a liberal, diverse community.

I come from an SE home county and trust me - there is no diversity. We had two black people in my entire school year. There is a big culture difference outside of London and often backward/out-dated views. My suggestion is to explore different areas and get a feel for the socio-demographic of the area.

I second Reading, Maidenhead etc.

"it would be a somewhat pointless quest to look for large populations of black people outside London"

I didn't get the impression this is what the OP was asking. She did say diverse and her family are interracial so I can see what she is looking for.

Stay Close enough to London to still see family and easy enough form them to come and see you too, enjoy all what London has to offer but far enough to get more for your money in a nice home and surroundings.

@Denzelstowel Yes, you’ve totally got it. That’s exactly what I’m looking for.

I’ve also had a look at a few places in outer London, mostly Bromley. Anyone have thoughts about around there?

Thing is, I don’t know what you’d consider ‘a massive commute’. Nothing on earth would persuade me to live in Reading (and I do know it) and I’m not keen on most of the obvious London commute areas, either. I lived in Kent for a while, it wasn’t horrible, but the SE would probably be my least favoured choice of place to live.

Both Oxford and Cambridge are about an hour away; expensive and necessarily diverse in the city centres, less so outside. Right now I’d pick Oxford. Bristol would be a better gateway to all the outdoor possibilities of Wales.

As regards schools - in my troublingly vast experience - (and I spent my entire school life being the ‘only’ in every school) - outside London you’ll find a more reliably diverse population in independent schools.

Your initial suggestion was Manchester. I would consider that to be a massive commute. I think most people would. Ditto Bristol. I like both of those places, but we’re not looking to uproot our lives quite that much.

I’m interested in options in the South East. If it’s your least favoured area to live and you have no suggestions, then that’s fine. Thanks for taking the time to comment, though.

Mmm … Manchester was a for instance, as it’s two hours on the train.

Some people have suggested Reading, I suggested Oxford, which is adjacent. Perfectly fine if that doesn’t appeal to you. Rochester is definitely SE, pretty but dull and probably unsuitable. The commute from Brighton is generally vile.

So glad you’ve found this corner of MN, OP. Like everything of value, it was very hard-won.

For out doors the south downs is really great. Lots of bike rides both across the down all the way to Kent some of it across the promenade in worthing and Brighton. There is bike rout. Worthing is known for wind surfing. Lots of marinas near by Littlehampton, Chechister and Brighton. They seem far apart but when you drive and you are part of tge community it's nothing. I find I don't travel thr long distance as much to get to something in London. But outside of London it becomes part of the exprience.

I’ve also had a look at a few places in outer London, mostly Bromley. Anyone have thoughts about around there?

Good schools. It is getting more diverse as the years go by but not as diverse as Sutton - expensive house prices and very good schools - and Croydon - only good comment I can make is lots of transport links.

@debbrianna That all sounds rather lovely!

@RedMarauder Haven’t looked at Sutton at all, but will add to list. The Croydon comment made me titter!

Thanks, everyone.

Brighton is diverse because of the university but if you go to the surrounding villages/small towns like Lewes it’s not diverse at all. Worthing is less diverse than Brighton, but I see many interracial couples like yourself op (and me!). I’m not sure about schools.

I myself am looking for somewhere close to the Hampshire/Sussex/Surrey borders so have opted for places like Winchester/Guildford/Woking but I am also considering Reading for my work in Basingstoke.

Off topic I notice microaggressions daily at work possibly I’m paranoid as I’m a senior member but I look quite young I’m told! It is making me realise these communities are not as diverse as it might seem especially when working in NHS hospitals! I’m therefore thinking very carefully about the area I chii

Posted too soon!

Area I choose to live in

My husband and i recently bought a house in a predominantly black london borough. I am black, he is white. I am very well accepted by our neighbours, he is not. The people in our neighbourhood are friendly to me, but not to him. They stare at him awkardly while they smile at me. I get all the help i need in our local shops whereas they scrutinise him and keep their distance. We're thinking of selling up in 5 years time

How extremely odd.

Every large town I’ve been to recently has been very diverse. So I wouldn’t worry too much about that side of things. Maybe in very rural places you might experience some micro aggressions but even then I doubt it would be overt.

Maybe think about places you fancy and then mumsnetters who live there could tell you honestly whether it’s diverse or not.

@AnotherDayInParadise Did you mean a predominantly white London Borough?

That's a rather unusual experience, what you've described, unless there's a backstop.

Actually, never mind. I read your post as "I'm white he's black" . @AnotherDayinPatadise

OP ignore the squatters.