House hunting as a mixed race family

[PompomDahlia]

Any black mumsnetters able to relate? I’ve been house hunting for a while - DH and I are looking for a family home to have kids. Finally found somewhere that fit the bill in SW London and we’ve started the buying process. Decided to google our neighbours (had some bad experiences with noisy student neighbours before) and it came up with the social media feed of the guy next door which was all liking Calvin Robinson, anti-BLM etc, amongst a sprinkling of virus scepticism Disappointing for us and it’s taken the shine off things a bit.

We’ve experienced this before - an older lady who used to tell my (white) DH how things were better before more brown people moved in, and another next door neighbour who was known for being a writer with some ‘interesting’ views. I’m sure it’ll be fine - as long as they’re quiet etc, but it does feel frustrating that this stuff is just all around. Perhaps it’s my fault for not looking in a diverse enough area - we’ve prioritised practical location type factors

@PompomDahlia - don't be disheartened, go for the house you want! It's still in London, so although not as diverse as you'd like it's not like you'll be in the sticks. And you'll never get away from the people you describe.

We are one of two non white families on our road and we moved in around the same time. I'm surprised we didn't trigger a round of estate agents' boards going up but I reckon people eventually realised we weren't going to eat them.

@Maggiethecat thanks for the reassurance. I'm sure they'll see us pulling up and assume they're in for raves next door! As you say, there's prejudice everywhere though. Hopefully this type will be hidden behind a veneer of middle class civility! Neighbours are just a minefield generally I guess, between noise, house renovations etc.

My plan is to keep up with my black walking group, find a church and build a community that way. I'm near enough more diverse bits of South London to join baby groups when the time comes

To be fair that's the story of my family and friends over decades.

They buy a house in a very white part of London, end up knowing all the other black and brown families within a couple of miles, and then find after 10-15 years there are loads more black and brown families.

Some of them have stories of how estate agents refused to sell them the house, a nasty neighbour or two who also happens to annoy other people on the road, or even worse shit from local police.

Buy the house and keep to yourself.

Decided to google our neighbours

How do you know their names?

@WallaceinAnderland from searching the address.

I guess the nature of much of London is that you don't have a huge amount of contact with neighbours, beyond hearing them in their gardens as the houses are close together. I would always say good morning to the lady in my old place despite knowing she had some horrible views - I was brought up with manners, so as long as they're polite and quiet I'm sure we will muddle along. And lots of people move out further when their kids are secondary age anyway

I guess the nature of much of London is that you don't have a huge amount of contact with neighbours, beyond hearing them in their gardens as the houses are close together.

Not necessarily.

Lots of neighbours do take parcels in for each other. However if a particular person on your road is a known racist, bigot, rude or otherwise trouble you simply don't. Also if you and/or they have children depending on an individual child's personality you can end up talking to them.

And lots of people move out further when their kids are secondary age anyway

As a mixed ethnicity family don't do this unless you want to screw up your children. Further out of London particularly in schools is generally more white. There are exceptions.

@RedMarauder ironically this is an area that used to be more mixed but has become more white with gentrification.

The point about moving out for secondary is a close to home one - I grew up in a very white town and definitely struggled with it. We don't have kids yet, but plan on moving on in 5 years when we will hopefully have toddlers and move somewhere in the outskirts of London but more diverse for when they start primary. I'd expect there to be some turnover in our neighbours in the meantime

@Redmarauder As a mixed ethnicity family don't do this unless you want to screw up your children. Further out of London particularly in schools is generally more white. There are exceptions.

Why not> How does being in a more white school screw up mixed ethnicity children? Especially half white and black?

@PompomDahlia we're also a mixed couple. My DH is white. We live in SW London zone 1/2 but we're looking to move to the SW bit of Hertfordshire or the SE part of Buckinghamshire. We're starting our family imminently and I have a couple of friends who's DHs are white; they live in Sussex etc ie much further away from London. They all have boys below 8yrs old and are very happy living in those areas.

For me, I want a large garden and lots of open space.

Forgot to add, we've been house hunting since April.

Opyou cannot guarantee anywhere that your next door neighbour might be a nasty whatnot whether racist or not. there are some awkward blighters who are not racist but are bad neighbours.
Some of our neighbours where real brexiteers with union flags -one ignores us but is polite enough the other has become a good friend
My husband is Asian. What are the other neighbours like & what do they say about the other one?
DSIL made a point of introducing himself to the prospective neighbours - I think that is a good idea

@Delectable the OP already answered the issue herself.

You clearly are only posting to start a fight with me. Instead of doing so I suggest you talk to mixed ethnicity teens and young adults in real life about their experiences.

@mumwon this is Black mumsnetters. There is a difference between being asian and black.

@RedMarauder you can see I posted about other comments so the sole reason for my post can't be to "fight with you". I had hoped you'd add to the discourse by sharing examples that made you hold that view.

@Delectable, I’m sure @RedMarauder has hundreds of examples that has shaped her view. For what it’s worth,
I completely relate and share this view. This is the reason why my mixed family are staying in a flat in London rather than moving to a white suburb. There isn’t a large enough garden on this planet that would make me choose garden over diversity and inclusion.

@RedMarauder ? why is it so different? Surely both Black & Asian folk have same issues with bigots, don't you think?