Anyone else here living out in the sticks?

[SpaceRaiders]

How do you manage being the only Black face everywhere you go?

I’ve just had one of those weeks where I’d do anything not to be living in this place. I’m so tired. Tired of navigating it all, the code switching and guiding dc through it. Socially I find it completely utterly exhausting. I just can’t be bothered anymore.

Three days ago, I had a parent dm me and essentially accuse me of stealing her designer cat, after a coffee morning where surprise surprise I was the only black face out of 10 people there. I’m oscillating between rage and laughter at the absurdity of this situation, whilst being mindful that any reaction that I may have will affect dc.

No I don't because I have a child.

I had enough shit as a black child in primary school where there were other black faces (but now I know not too many) in London, not to put my own child through living where there are no other black people.

Also how do you steal a cat?

If you don't give your cat enough attention or there are noisy children in their household they go else where for it.

I hear you!

If I could afford to keep our standard of living and live in London, I would in a heartbeat, we were based in wapping for many years however I grew up here, so to me it’s what I’ve been used to not that it makes it easier.

I have 10 years before dc go to university, I’ve promised myself that by then I will be based abroad for at least 8 months of each year.

On the subject of the bastard cat…I realise now that this woman is slightly odd. The cat took a shining to me, it sat on my lap for sometime, I then made an off hand joke “if it “disappeared” they’d know where to find it” everyone laughed… who knew the thing wouldn’t return home that night! I then get an accusatory late night message about the damn cat. I initially didn’t know if it was joke or not, it wasn’t. But I guess I asked for it by making an inappropriate joke. The whole thing is so unhinged that my family are now referring to me as “The Catnapper”.

I’m just so tired of my face not fitting, no matter where we go. Or even worse is the faux tolerance. And unfortunately this then impacts dc friendships especially my youngest one who feels it deeply.

Sorry you’ve had to a bad experience. She will henceforth been known as crazy cat lady.

The cat malarkey sounds like the least of your problems to be fair. If living where you are is already negatively impacting so much on your child, it may be time to look at living elsewhere.

Without wishing to get into the details, we simply can’t move and certainly not at the moment. The timing isn’t great and my business is based here.

I’m not sure how else to mitigate the effects of being othered, not being invited to play dates and parties for dc2. We’ve just moved from a very YT school, to another that’s marginally more diverse. I was hoping things would improve here for them both until this cat incident.

Perhaps I should widen the net and consider senior schools in the Surrey/London too. That would certainly force us closer to London in the medium term.

It must be so hard. Does crazy cat lady have a sphere of influence? What I mean by that is the pta/nct / fete organiser kind of crazy cat lady? If so how would you feel about joining some of the things she’s on? I know it means sticking your head over the parapet but some people will not change their attitudes until they “see it with their own eyes” eg you doing a cracking job on the summer fete would probably show her ideas to be ludicrous more than just ignoring and getting on with your own life. It’s just a thought and a different tack to try.

Thank you Orchidflower. Sometimes venting to people who get it is all that’s needed. Crazy cat lady has no influence yet as she’s new. Have you watched motherland? She’s very much an alpha mummy, much like the Amanda character.

I’m generally not one to subscribe to school or playground politics unless it involves dc directly. If I were a sahm perhaps I’d have more time to join in the PTA but in real honesty beyond helping out for the odd thing here or there, it doesn’t really interest me.

You’re very welcome @SpaceRaiders - I’m not familiar with the show but I can imagine the type of person.