Use of "light skin" by teenagers

[glassfloor]

My DD (16) has a BFF who is mixed. We are white. They've been out today and made a tiktok which they've just shown to me. Usual teen pouting but it included the phrase, "when all the boys ignore you in favour of your beautiful light skin friend." They made it together, friend approved and wrote content and they do both look lovely.

Anyway I was really shocked at the use of lightskin and said to DD that I felt it was possibly racist and she should ask her friend to take the video down (posted to friend's account). However they both said it was a legitimate descriptor, showed me lots of examples of similar teen usage online and DDs friend said it was how she characterised herself so I've had to leave it.

However describing someone by skin colour in this way feels wildly off to me but I'm white and in my 50s and don't go out much so I know that I might not be current in my knowledge. I did google it before asking here and that didn't help as it was a lot of stuff about lighter skin privilege which makes me think I'm right but DD's multicultural teen friendship group seems to see no problem with it. The other member of their terrible trio is black and commented happily in the video and didn't seem to have a problem so is this usage now ok?

Apologies if this is the wrong place to ask. I didn't want to put it in chat as I felt I'd get lots of white Mnetters just telling me that if the friend was ok with it then I was being overly PC.... They have a brilliant friendship going back to junior school so I don't want to be the one being difficult if this is considered ok.

placemarking

It's colourism, which derives from racism and can severely damage a person's self esteem. The messaging with colourism is that light skin is attractive and beautiful and the further you are from that, the uglier you are - a very damaging message to dark-skinned girls.

It's sad, but I see many young people buy into this ideology and have fun in making dark skinned people (mostly girls) the butt of jokes. Even sadder is that many dark skinned girls buy into this and have a very self deprecating attitude to at least prevent themselves from seeming like the angry, bitter black woman.

In short, it is not ok. Even if the black friend seems ok with it. Posting such views online could be something they live to regret. A host of celebrities have come under fire due to dug up colourist tweets (e.g. Maya Jama).

That's really interesting. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I felt really uncomfortable about it but also don't want to be that white woman telling a mixed girl how she should describe herself. There was LOADS of this useage out there that they showed me. We're in a very multicultural bit of London and the kids are generally very socially aware so I assumed they would know what was ok or not.
As a threesome they did lots around BLM in the summer which is why I really struggled hearing this. It seems so incongruous.

Posting such views online could be something they live to regret.
Absolutely. Things can change in the blink of an eye and if I was your dd I wouldn't want this video out there in the wide world.

I've just asked mY dd (17) who is mixed race what she thinks and she said 'you can't say that' and her eyebrows went up like Penfold. 😲

The problem is it's her friends video and her friend doesn't want to take it down. (In context it's not just DD saying that apropos of nothing there's a whole thing where they are each saying the reasons why boys ignore them... Her friend says boys ignore her because DD looks like Elsa from Frozen)
I'll get her to talk to her friend.
It feels uncomfortable though telling her that she's not right about how she's describing herself.

Well, that's not so bad if the friend is saying it and your dd is just there. It's still not brilliant though.

It sounds like the friend has some issues but that's not for your dd to fix.

I'm not reading this as a dark-skinned girl being the butt of a joke, but one who expressing her sadness at how she is overlooked for lighter friends by guys.

Within that context, where she's talking about her own experiences, I don't have an issue - it's how I was raised to talk about it, I'm a Mestizo person, and I've called myself light skin & light-skinned, though I get why others might not like it and why others may caution taking it down with how things are online.

It's a hard thing to talk about because it is something people notice and it's not an issue to notice this reality or to talk about it - I noticed my father who is far darker than his siblings be treated differently by others and there were far more issues with those who refused to acknowledge that - but discussing colourism has a lot of layers, especially when if discussing it with multiple groups involved rather than colourism as an intracommunity issue within one group.

I'm not sure how else she should phrase her observation that many other people have had and has been discussed widely online for years. Would have it been better to say lighter friend rather than light skin? I'm not sure, though I wouldn't want to make any impression that she shouldn't be talking about her experience in this, especially as someone who is light skin.

@glassfloor

The problem is it's her friends video and her friend doesn't want to take it down. (In context it's not just DD saying that apropos of nothing there's a whole thing where they are each saying the reasons why boys ignore them... Her friend says boys ignore her because DD looks like Elsa from Frozen) I'll get her to talk to her friend. It feels uncomfortable though telling her that she's not right about how she's describing herself.

Yeah I don't think there's much you can do in terms of her friend's actions. But you can gently inform your daughter that it is not ok to poke fun about people's appearance. It might seem light hearted to some. Those at the butt of the joke might even laugh along, but it fans the flames for low self esteem and even anxiety/depression, which is rife amongst teens of today.

I won't go on about the history of colourism but it goes back to slavery where the slavemasters would treat the light skinned slaves more favourably. Most commonly due to the fact light skinned slaves where the production of a rape and was the offspring of one of the slavemasters. The notion that lightskin is better than darkskin has lived on from this - a certain perceived superiority/hierarchy based on the hue of the skin.

What they are doing is expressing themselves, reporting what they are experiencing. This isn't racism per se, it's journalism through a modern medium. We they expressing it was right or just that it happens. It's really prevalent in the Asian community.

It's wrong on so many levels to be bias towards paler skin but I'm impressed by young people bringing this issue to the fore, I had no idea until Asian friends experienced it within their community

Yes it's colourism and they won't realise because we are products of our environment.

I'm in my 40s and I only just realised the full extent colourism has had in my life. Last month my mum told me to come in out of the sun when I was sitting out enjoying it. She said I would get too dark. It annoyed me as the woman I am today but I realised why throughout my life I'd never been able to sit out in the sun and enjoy it on my skin because of the messages I'd had all my life were if you get too dark you will be inferior.

I wouldn't have sat out in the sun at all as a teen because I wouldn't want to get darker. Now idgaf.

My kids show me memes of 'lightskins' acting like they love themselves, because they find it funny- I'm guessing because they are mixed race themselves. I don't really know how to react to it.

When I was a kid the mixed raced kids were top-dogs and I secretly disliked them for it.

Everyone I know uses lightskin. Not offensive

I personally don't like it though. I'm mixed/biracial- not lightskin. "Lightskin" is supposed to be fully black with light skin.

Just annoys me as it's incorrect. Probably would sound weird from an older person but from someone under 30 I wouldn't think twice

Yes it's colourism and they won't realise because we are products of our environment.

Definitely started out as colourist. I think it was used to categorise/make a hierarchy. It was definitely like that at school. Lightskin girls are the most desirable, 'dark skins' (or other derogatory names) at the bottom

Now, it's embraced much more maybe it's different as I'm obviously out of secondary now. But I know people who proudly identify themselves as darkskin.

Thank you so much everyone.
Very interesting.
I went down a Tiktok rabbit hole last night- there's so many kids seemingly categorising themselves as dark/ light skin which feels so uncomfortable for me but it's not about me.
I think as people mentioned there's a generational divide. Her mum messaged me last night after DD asked her friend whether "light skin" was ok. Mum was laughing- said she understood where I was coming from but DDs friend is the only one in her wider family with a white parent (dad) an she's been affectionately called light skin by her cousins since birth. They see it as a descriptor (red hair/ tall/ light skin/ curly hair etc.) I've suggested to DD that it's fine for her friend to describe herself that way but this could be one of those things that non BAME people avoid using. Someone mentioned upthread how attitudes change and what's ok now might not be ok later which is so important.

My daughter is very pale, mixed race. I hadn't seen her for a week or so and when I went to visit her yesterday, she was visibly very much darker. She'd been doing some serious sunbathing. She looked lovely! But the thing which made me smile is that she said "mum, for the first time ever, I look like you, I really love it". And you could tell, she really did love it 😊

@1Saymynamesaymyname

My daughter is very pale, mixed race. I hadn't seen her for a week or so and when I went to visit her yesterday, she was visibly very much darker. She'd been doing some serious sunbathing. She looked lovely! But the thing which made me smile is that she said "mum, for the first time ever, I look like you, I really love it". And you could tell, she really did love it 😊

That's so lovely. ❤️

OP this:

In short, it is not ok. Even if the black friend seems ok with it. Posting such views online could be something they live to regret. A host of celebrities have come under fire due to dug up colourist tweets (e.g. Maya Jama).

Is the most important thing.

Even while teens may think it is innocent, in the future someone wanting to hire them may trawl through social media to see if they can dig up dirt.

While it is not legal in the UK, companies still do it.

The video is actually targeting colourism from what you described it. They are not imposing or creating something out of thin air. The wording is very UK thing and any person under 35 is aware of tge word lighty It goes hand in hand with pretty. Doing by school days in the UK, boys were vicious gains the darker girls. UK rap is full of lightys being the standard.

Technically, I seen more young people are fighting this online.

I would say ask your daughter wether the experience is true before making judgment and dismissing it.

Lighter, lightskin, red bone...all manifestations of internalised colourism. I remember at school in the nineties the boys who would be described as "dark skin" in terms of skin tone being the most vocal about the light skinned girls being the most coveted/pretty/desirable. Other Black boys used it too. White people didn't, ad it's not a term they would be familiar with.

Growing up as a dark skinned girl, I was aware that no boy was going to be interested in me until I was older, as I wasn't the right shade of Black.

This'd descriptors are not appropriate for general use, no matter what your DDs friend expresses she's comfortable with, and I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it. It's a bit like "my Black friend says it's ok to use the N word." Although obviously not as offensive.