BLACK WOMEN would you prefer to be female and white or black and male

[Sugarintheplum]

Ive asked this question to my black friends so many times, and they have ALL said black and male.

I recently heard an interview with Chimamanda Adichie and she said sexism stands at the forefront of her mind because she can experience it in her home (I paraphrase). When I have had this conversation with my black female friends they have said they'd prefer to stay black and just be male largely because they think race impacts their lives the most.

Now, I think I have only asked a white female friend this once, and she said black and female, and then she said it come to her mind quickly because she thinks black women have more fun! I really do wonder how the world sees us, because isn't this comment actually hilarious?! Where on earth does that idea come from?

What would you be? I really want to hear from black women. If you are white and cannot help yourself (though I hope you can refrain), please mention that fact because if you answer as though you are black it really doesn't allow us an understanding of black women's thoughts on this and that is what I am looking for, if indeed anyone does respond ;p

I wouldn't consider the hypothetical question/evil fairy godmother game anymore than I can be bothered to answer my dd's question of whether I'd rather be blind or deaf. I am blessed with sight and hearing and I like that.

I can understand people being sceptical about the question not just as originally asked but how you later qualified it as being light and whimsical. Even if you intended a discussion about the struggles we face centred on race v gender it is difficult to imagine how this could ever be 'shooting breeze'.

I expect that your white friend's quip of 'black woman' would have caused her no angst.

But no, it definitely wouldn't be my preferred banter on a Friday night over a glass of wine.

[quote Sugarintheplum]@curlingtoes

Yes,

But I will say that I think black women are depicted as having proper riotous lives, dancing and singing our way through life despite it all.. So resilient, so strong. That whole 'yes, those people have less than us, but they have happiness. they are happy, and that is so valuable'. That trope.[/quote]
Its the lie they tell themselves, to keep the status quo

Fair enough! @maggiethecat Yours is a stronger reaction than I expected, not one I've had before, but of course valid. I've had many conversations about race and gender that are light hearted, jokey (which is not to say I consider either to be trivial).

Different approaches to living life as black women.

maggiethecat
I can understand people being sceptical about the question not just as originally asked but how you later qualified it as being light and whimsical. Even if you intended a discussion about the struggles we face centred on race v gender it is difficult to imagine how this could ever be 'shooting breeze'

^ This.

It just sounds like a research question. Followed by analysis of answers.

A WW saying BW have more fun is off-putting from the get-go

Maybe it does sound like a research question - might be that I have come to shape questions like that in my mind!

Only offered my thoughts as was asked (would have been pretty crap 'analysis').

OP, I think the reason you may be getting a hard time, is because the question seems to imply that there is a definitive hierarchy.
Black women at the bottom, black men and white women in the middle and white men at the top. I haven’t added other races, because they weren’t part of your OP. So, it implies black women would automatically want to move up the ladder, to the second rung.
Now, apologies if that isn’t how you meant this to be interpreted, but that’s how it came across to me. I’m aware that we live with structural racism and patriarchy can hold women back, however I don’t feel like this is the way it has to be. I don’t just accept it and throw the towel in. I’m a black woman who likes who I am, have never felt “lesser than” and don’t want to be anyone else.

@BitOfFun love this!

Yes, perhaps that is how some feel about it. I think I touched on that in an earlier post. It's pretty clear from my past posts that I love being a black women. I'm a regular on here, though will be less now going back into work.

For me I have often wondered what it is like to live as a black man in the UK, and I have also wondered what life is like for white women. It's no jump for me to then wonder from my starting point as a black woman which kind of life I think I could countenance (of course I could never know).

As I've said before, I believe I could get along with being black male more than being white female. My sense of womanhood is really important to me, yes. However, I really don't feel I have much in common with white women. Less and less as I get older. I feel like I have so much more in common with black men, and I've set out on what I consider is one of life's most challenging endeavours with one, parenting.

Some people might feel it's objectionable to even have these thoughts. I don't. I have plenty of thoughts just like these all the time!

I’d see this as a “light” way of addressing the heavy question “which has more of a negative effect on your life, racism or sexism?” Would you agree with that interpretation OP?

@Sugarintheplum Oh yes, I know you’re a regular and my last post honestly wasn’t trying to get at you, just challenging the premise of the question. I now understand where you’re coming from.
I guess I never really think about these questions, but we’re different people and all entitled to our own opinions. Just goes to show, that not all black people think the same way(despite what others may assume )

For me I have often wondered what it is like to live as a black man in the UK,

Now ... If I had originally interpreted your question as only applying to this tiny godforsaken island - where the main hobby of the majority population seems to be trying to make other races believe they're outnumbered and powerless across the entire world - I probably wouldn't have bothered to answer!

Being black is mostly not synonymous with living in Britain.

@PursuingProxemicExactitude

I’ve noticed how some black males seem to be where I live, especially older teens...they seem very wary

Fascinating that this is a white (female?) understanding of what it means to be a black man - across the entire world.

Whereas I think of kings, and prime ministers, Nobel Prize winners, philosophers, architects, explorers, doctors and mathematicians, fathers and teachers - generation upon generation upon generation of proud, thoughtful, clever and kind ancestors - my own and other people's.

I like being me, thank you very much. But would I rather be Wole Soyinka or Carrie Symonds? Ha!

Fantastic response! I’m white btw

@ExcusesAndAccusations

I’d see this as a “light” way of addressing the heavy question “which has more of a negative effect on your life, racism or sexism?” Would you agree with that interpretation OP?

That's a good question, and similar, but I think not exactly the same. But importantly I think we should be able to ask these questions without put downs. Though I've come to expect them.

Yup, we most certainly do need diversity of thought and for those thoughts to be freely expressed as long as they don't contribute to the oppression of anyone. And actually, my friends are very much like me in thinking in many ways and they are smashing it tbh, so I'm good with the brain that I have and the people I knock heads with.

And yes, living here is hard. It's why I'm seriously contemplating that move.....

Thanks to everyone who has responded!

@SneezyGonzalez

MrWendel hmmm well I don’t see anyone else answering 😂

FWIW I really don’t think MN is the place for a “black only” thread, or anywhere else for that matter.

Thanks for your insight 🙄

To answer the OP: yuck, what a question.

Interesting question. I really do like my skin brown colour to be honest, I wouldn’t want white skin for anything but would like it’s privilege. So, perhaps I’d be black female but identify as white?

@Rege

Interesting question. I really do like my skin brown colour to be honest, I wouldn’t want white skin for anything but would like it’s privilege. So, perhaps I’d be black female but identify as white?

I might try that. Should be easy with the amount of people that say they don't see colour 🤭

@HmmmmmmInteresting

Given how people don't see colour, I'm going to try ticking the white box for the next month. Let's see how quickly I'm corrected- my response
"I don't see colour"😂😂

Benelovencd
Given how people don't see colour, I'm going to try ticking the white box for the next month. Let's see how quickly I'm corrected- my response
"I don't see colour"😂😂

I like it

Bizarre post 🤔

I'm black female and I just don't get this. How about I'd rather be neither and be myself!

I have always been able to imagine being someone else and able to judge how I would feel about it. And I guess I also believe all judgements are relative. I'm just now seeing that some other people literally never do that and find it strange that I do. It makes me chuckle to myself, I hadn't realised I was peculiar in this way, but seems I am. It might actually be a very childlike way to think about things. I've got to say, I do like the idea that I might be thinking about the world as would I child, they are the best scientists and learners after all!

I think something similar every time the census comes around - what if black people in areas with a large black population recorded themselves as white? Would those areas suddenly receive better funding and investment?

Of course, as has been said above, who's to say we cannot just say we are white and out on that identity for our own benefit when it suited us, like this classic skit from Atlantic ;p . Always make me dead with laugh

I've always been at peace and in love with myself as a dark black woman. I add dark because even though I have faced colourism I never wished I was shades lighter with straighter hair.